I am wondering if anyone has any advice for how to give our sex life a fresh start?
When dh and I were first married we had a decent sex life but due to both of us working a lot of shift work we had good weeks and not so great weeks as far as frequency. Then I began to have a lot of pain during and after PIV it was horrible (ending with me in tears on more than one occasion). I saw a dr about this and she offered no explanation other than use lube (which we did it was no help). I would have to go and have a bath or cool shower after intercourse because I was in so much pain. Dh likes to have intimate times at night only (I think we have only ever did one in the morning in 8 years). So since I would have to have a shower after intercourse often times I would not be interested in being intimate late at night because in would need to have a bath after and even then I would not be able to fall asleep afterwards because I was in so much pain. I felt horrible about it but I really was hurting. That seemed to be the kick off to our downward spiral....
When trying for a baby I learned that it was my birth control that was causing me the issues and I have not gone back and no longer have the pain issue. While pregnant I was exhausted and DH's desire to Dtd at night just didn't jive with my nightly exhaustion levels we still Dtd but not with much regularity. Now that our baby is one year old we seem to have drifted so far away from an ideal sex life it's hard to imagine how we will ever get it back. I feel so stuck... Every time there is an evening that we don't have anything going on he makes plans with a friend or goes on and on about how excited he is to do something that only he enjoys (playing video games etc) after the baby goes to bed and then a whole evening passes without so much as a touch. There always seems to be a barrier to any sort of intimacy.
I feel like since it was my fault that our sex life went down the drain it should be me to take the first steps to fix it... I just don't know how. I am very non confrontational so bringing up something that could start an argument makes me very nervous!!! Any suggestions as to how to re-ignite the fire would be very much appreciated!
When dh and I were first married we had a decent sex life but due to both of us working a lot of shift work we had good weeks and not so great weeks as far as frequency. Then I began to have a lot of pain during and after PIV it was horrible (ending with me in tears on more than one occasion). I saw a dr about this and she offered no explanation other than use lube (which we did it was no help). I would have to go and have a bath or cool shower after intercourse because I was in so much pain. Dh likes to have intimate times at night only (I think we have only ever did one in the morning in 8 years). So since I would have to have a shower after intercourse often times I would not be interested in being intimate late at night because in would need to have a bath after and even then I would not be able to fall asleep afterwards because I was in so much pain. I felt horrible about it but I really was hurting. That seemed to be the kick off to our downward spiral....
When trying for a baby I learned that it was my birth control that was causing me the issues and I have not gone back and no longer have the pain issue. While pregnant I was exhausted and DH's desire to Dtd at night just didn't jive with my nightly exhaustion levels we still Dtd but not with much regularity. Now that our baby is one year old we seem to have drifted so far away from an ideal sex life it's hard to imagine how we will ever get it back. I feel so stuck... Every time there is an evening that we don't have anything going on he makes plans with a friend or goes on and on about how excited he is to do something that only he enjoys (playing video games etc) after the baby goes to bed and then a whole evening passes without so much as a touch. There always seems to be a barrier to any sort of intimacy.
I feel like since it was my fault that our sex life went down the drain it should be me to take the first steps to fix it... I just don't know how. I am very non confrontational so bringing up something that could start an argument makes me very nervous!!! Any suggestions as to how to re-ignite the fire would be very much appreciated!
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