Where shall I begin? Hmmm. So…the last few years for me have been really really REALLY difficult. I'm 22 now. Growing up, I had this best friend who was basically a sister to me. We did everything together. We didn't need/want anyone else. She was my world. You get the picture.
Anyway, when she started secondary school, she gradually rejected me for the 'cool kids'. It was mental torture. She went hot and cold on me for years. It almost seemed like she kind of liked torturing me. I denied what was happening for years and tried to pretend that everything was fine. This went on throughout secondary school, gradually getting worse. It kinda felt like she was slowly dying in front of me. I remember thinking that it would be better if she died in a car accident or something cos then it would be over in a second and it would mean she left cos she had to and not cos she wanted to.
Anyway, this experience messed me up quite a bit as I'm sure you can imagine and I basically just withdrew from everyone and everything. I didn't enjoy anything anymore and all I ended up doing was study. I had no hobbies cos I just didn't enjoy things like I used to. And I put up a HUGE invisible barrier between others and myself for fear of rejection I guess.
It's only very recently that I've started finding enjoyment out of things again and I'm starting to get some interests again now. My problem is, I'd really like to make some/a new friend(s) now but it's kinda hard cos I still have a barrier up and the last few years of my life have pretty much been empty (except for study) and so it's almost impossible to connect with people for lack of things in common.
I'm not quite sure what I'm asking people here, apparently I'm just stating my problems :s I've had very little social experience in the last few years after socially withdrawing and I have to admit, I'm pretty embarrassed that that's how I reacted to being rejected. I know I could've reacted worse like developing a life-threatening eating disorder or something but I can't help thinking that most people would've managed to GET OVER IT much quicker and would've moved on and found new friends.
After all these years, I've only now got to the point where I'm ready to move on and form new relationships. But I just feel like I'm in a really deep hole and I can see the lovely blue sky up above but there's no rope ladder to get out of the hole and I'm just left struggling at the walls of the hole trying to desperately clamber out. Anyway, if anyone read this far, thank you for caring :) any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for moaning, I try to stay positive but I'm just feeling pretty helpless at the moment cos I'm so desperate to move on but I'm just not quite sure how to start the ball rolling.
Anyway, when she started secondary school, she gradually rejected me for the 'cool kids'. It was mental torture. She went hot and cold on me for years. It almost seemed like she kind of liked torturing me. I denied what was happening for years and tried to pretend that everything was fine. This went on throughout secondary school, gradually getting worse. It kinda felt like she was slowly dying in front of me. I remember thinking that it would be better if she died in a car accident or something cos then it would be over in a second and it would mean she left cos she had to and not cos she wanted to.
Anyway, this experience messed me up quite a bit as I'm sure you can imagine and I basically just withdrew from everyone and everything. I didn't enjoy anything anymore and all I ended up doing was study. I had no hobbies cos I just didn't enjoy things like I used to. And I put up a HUGE invisible barrier between others and myself for fear of rejection I guess.
It's only very recently that I've started finding enjoyment out of things again and I'm starting to get some interests again now. My problem is, I'd really like to make some/a new friend(s) now but it's kinda hard cos I still have a barrier up and the last few years of my life have pretty much been empty (except for study) and so it's almost impossible to connect with people for lack of things in common.
I'm not quite sure what I'm asking people here, apparently I'm just stating my problems :s I've had very little social experience in the last few years after socially withdrawing and I have to admit, I'm pretty embarrassed that that's how I reacted to being rejected. I know I could've reacted worse like developing a life-threatening eating disorder or something but I can't help thinking that most people would've managed to GET OVER IT much quicker and would've moved on and found new friends.
After all these years, I've only now got to the point where I'm ready to move on and form new relationships. But I just feel like I'm in a really deep hole and I can see the lovely blue sky up above but there's no rope ladder to get out of the hole and I'm just left struggling at the walls of the hole trying to desperately clamber out. Anyway, if anyone read this far, thank you for caring :) any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for moaning, I try to stay positive but I'm just feeling pretty helpless at the moment cos I'm so desperate to move on but I'm just not quite sure how to start the ball rolling.
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