Hi. I've spent the majority of my day reading some of your stories, I'm so sorry that anyone has gone through this. I'm not positive I'm going through it but my husband seems to be a habitual liar.
He tells little lies here and there, many lies of omission, we have discussed this many times over the years (13, 8 married, 3 kids). I have access to his email, FB account and can you usually get the cell phone (no password and it can be found alone). What concerns me is some of the lies (not necessarily about woman). I initially went crazy about 3 years ago, when pregnant, finding some young girl on his FB friend list that worked at the gym he went to. He said it was totally innocent, she would joke with him (I say flirt), and he added her. Iirc, not positive, I think he told me she friended him but I know for a fact it was the opposite (May have dreamt that up, I just don't recall for sure). He assured me he didn't know it would bug me and deleted her, I explained to him it was inappropriate for a married man to be friending some young single, club hoping, peroxide bathing, faking baking etc etc cca from the gym. He said he was clueless if she was flirting (still says this all the time... He oblivious he says).
I periodically check his stuff not obsessing but I do check. Recently we we're taking about infidelity and that old subject came up... He said he no longer has any unknown girls etc and he even deleted gym ones. I wasn't asking him, I don't remember how exactly that came into the mix. Anyway, I got the urge to check yesterday, well, low and behold theirs a woman on there I don't know, that I can see from login into his account and checking relationship page that he's been friends with since sep. He even wished her happy bday a couple weeks ago.
So far as I can tell this woman lives on another continent, FB doesn't say if she's married or single... No significant other pictures though. Not sure how they met exactly but she appears to have been in at least 3 of the same countries my husband was over the summer for work (I'm sure he was there for work), similar time but I don't think exact... Idk. As I'm typing this out I'm feeling really stupid... Going of course he's done something your an idiot! I just don't know what to think, he knows how I feel about woman on FB, this has happened before, shouldn't he respect that? If I ask he will just say the same old... I didn't even think of it, it didn't occur to me etc. he will likely then say he will delete her.
So what do you think? I haven't found any evidence ever just above friending on FB. He has been honest with me in the past... Just volunteered when he knew someone was hitting on him, he has told me I'm the only one he has ever slept with. He appears the doting husband, home on time, brings flowers, doesn't seem different to me?
Part of what bothers me as that when we got married, I was the "hot" one iykwim. After first child came he got the bug to get heathy, for his kids. He is still a workout freak, I'm not and I'm not bad looking but well what do you think after 3 kids? He's gotten sexier since we married, he's in great shape. Part of me thinks my suspicion is driven by my own insecurities and demons trying to convince me I'm not good enough and he will eventually find someone else. But then I still wonder. He's a great catch.. Good looking, educated, makes good money. All the things that those OW find attractive, I guess I have a hard time believing he doesn't have woman throwing themselves at him.
Anyways, I've rambled on and on. Feels good to say it all and I hope someone will have some ideas for me.... I can't keep living with the constant fear of him messing around.
He tells little lies here and there, many lies of omission, we have discussed this many times over the years (13, 8 married, 3 kids). I have access to his email, FB account and can you usually get the cell phone (no password and it can be found alone). What concerns me is some of the lies (not necessarily about woman). I initially went crazy about 3 years ago, when pregnant, finding some young girl on his FB friend list that worked at the gym he went to. He said it was totally innocent, she would joke with him (I say flirt), and he added her. Iirc, not positive, I think he told me she friended him but I know for a fact it was the opposite (May have dreamt that up, I just don't recall for sure). He assured me he didn't know it would bug me and deleted her, I explained to him it was inappropriate for a married man to be friending some young single, club hoping, peroxide bathing, faking baking etc etc cca from the gym. He said he was clueless if she was flirting (still says this all the time... He oblivious he says).
I periodically check his stuff not obsessing but I do check. Recently we we're taking about infidelity and that old subject came up... He said he no longer has any unknown girls etc and he even deleted gym ones. I wasn't asking him, I don't remember how exactly that came into the mix. Anyway, I got the urge to check yesterday, well, low and behold theirs a woman on there I don't know, that I can see from login into his account and checking relationship page that he's been friends with since sep. He even wished her happy bday a couple weeks ago.
So far as I can tell this woman lives on another continent, FB doesn't say if she's married or single... No significant other pictures though. Not sure how they met exactly but she appears to have been in at least 3 of the same countries my husband was over the summer for work (I'm sure he was there for work), similar time but I don't think exact... Idk. As I'm typing this out I'm feeling really stupid... Going of course he's done something your an idiot! I just don't know what to think, he knows how I feel about woman on FB, this has happened before, shouldn't he respect that? If I ask he will just say the same old... I didn't even think of it, it didn't occur to me etc. he will likely then say he will delete her.
So what do you think? I haven't found any evidence ever just above friending on FB. He has been honest with me in the past... Just volunteered when he knew someone was hitting on him, he has told me I'm the only one he has ever slept with. He appears the doting husband, home on time, brings flowers, doesn't seem different to me?
Part of what bothers me as that when we got married, I was the "hot" one iykwim. After first child came he got the bug to get heathy, for his kids. He is still a workout freak, I'm not and I'm not bad looking but well what do you think after 3 kids? He's gotten sexier since we married, he's in great shape. Part of me thinks my suspicion is driven by my own insecurities and demons trying to convince me I'm not good enough and he will eventually find someone else. But then I still wonder. He's a great catch.. Good looking, educated, makes good money. All the things that those OW find attractive, I guess I have a hard time believing he doesn't have woman throwing themselves at him.
Anyways, I've rambled on and on. Feels good to say it all and I hope someone will have some ideas for me.... I can't keep living with the constant fear of him messing around.
Put the internet to work for you.
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