| Hi, I'm John. I've been lurking for a month or so. Reading others posts. I became a member a week or so ago to get help with my situation. It's been hard to even start a thread. I know it takes many, many posts for you all to get a good picture of what is actually going on here. So, I'll start with some basics and let the questions come to help me clear my head. I've read enough others to see that everyone thinks their's is "different" and "not the same". So, the only way to get real support is to air my story. I'll start with a brief outline. My second marriage - Wifes first No OW - No OM (that I'm aware of) Marriage in trouble for over 2 yrs. Four kids - three still at home 14, 11, 2 I am a "nice guy" - reading the book but not finished Married for just shy of 13 yrs. Wife is looking for a place to move to, and considers us "separated" for two years already. Now some detail. I must set up our down slide by stating that three years ago we lost a toddler in an accident at our home. W being a SHM felt she "lost her job" her "purpose". It was and is a very trying time and she and I have delt with the loss in very different ways. For months I was home every day. Couldn't work. We couldn't leave the house.This put extreme stress on us financially. So,,I had no choice but to "suck it up" and get to work. I threw myself into work. Five, Six, even Seven days a week. My rationale, we needed the money to get caught up. Looking back, I think working all the time was a way for me to deal with things. Fast forward a bit. My wife wanted another child. We consulted our therapist, clergy, and even the OBGYN. All agreed we should. It was good for her, and maybe just what she needed. So, I was on board and away we went. During the preg. she became a bit of a mess. Pick an argument, make something out of nothing and so on. I let things slide (as GG's do) and chalked it up to hormones. Then, one day at work I get a txt. "coming home for lunch?". I was tied up as often I am and replied "busy right now, but I'll be home early". I often work thru lunch to get home early. But, the reply I got astounded me. "NM, you're never here for me anyway. You don't need to come home anymore ever" I came home to a locked door. Came inside to her in a tissy about everything under the sun. We worked out that I could stay in the basement. Where I've been for two years. Over this time she has only talked about moving once (last year). I thought things were getting better. We have still had a good sex life, do things together, eat meals together, share chores, kid times, ect. The only thing different is the sleeping arrangement. I also thought that was because the baby took my place in our bed. I guess it wasn't. Oddly, we still hold hands. She admits to loving me. She just says "you know I have to do this right?" I know many questions will help fill in the blanks here. And, many details have been omitted for the sake of space. But here is what I need help getting my mind around. After two years if she thinks we have been S, is it too late? If she moves (and I'm sure she will) isn't that the "kiss of death"? Do the 180 rules, and other separation rules apply? (we really have lost most all of our friends and all but a handful of family. I've really be the only one she has to talk to) It's probably best for me to let it ride...or should I just be prepared and start some paperwork? I don't want to loose her. I want to work things out. I don't expect to answer the above questions today or even in the next week or month. These are just things on my mind. I'm in the fog, and just don't know who to turn to. Thanks gang | |||
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