| I'll try to make this as short as possible but there's quite a lot to go through so apologies for the essay and try not to cringe whilst reading my tragic love life. The thing is in my lifetime of 18 years, I have been close to a relationship around 5 times, each one of those 5 times I have been screwed over in increasingly more emotionally-scarring ways. Apart from those 5, I have had 'crushes' on a further 3, these 3 have all ended up dating my best friends at those certain points in my life, talk about bad luck & the friendzone!  Also, as pathetic as it sounds I've only kissed around 3 girls in my life, all 3 of which have then proceeded to tell me afterwards that they have boyfriends and suddenly I'm the bad guy because of course I have a sonar device on my head giving me psychic abilities.  As a result of all this I've developed severe trust issues and find it really difficult to develop feelings or become close to someone out of fear of being hurt again because I don't like feeling vulnerable as I'm over-sensitive. In the past every time I've allowed my self to become close to someone it has ended badly for me and I've been screwed over or made to feel like the bad guy. Normally people would say just to open up to someone new but every time I've done this things have just got worse for me so that's not really an option. I'll skip girls #1,2 & 3 as they were all early teen experiences and don't require much of an explanation because it was all pretty childish. Girl #4 was the first one that really hurt me emotionally, I felt bad for a good few weeks after that one and it stuck with me for a lot of years. When I was 15 me and this girl got really close over the summer and we were virtually on the brink of being in a relationship, then out of the blue, she says to me she's found someone else and that she meant it when she said she wanted to be with me but she wanted to be with this guy more than me. Okay, I know what your thinking...I think, that's just bad luck, she was a bit slaggy. But it really got to me, so I spent a good year being emotionally detached/unavailable and then I gradually opened up again and started getting close to another girl. After 2 months or so, when we started to get on the verge of a relationship I mentioned about my trust issues due to what I'd been through with girl#4, I didn't bother mentioning the other 3 as they don't really count as much. Anyway she thought what girl#4 did was cruel and horrible blah blah blah. She reassured me she would NEVER do a thing like that and that I didn't deserve that at all, she was almost as annoyed about it as I was which is why I can't even begin to fathom what happened next. We were going to make it official after that weekend as she was busy that weekend with other friends. So Monday morning I text her asking the usual, and she seemed off which got me a bit worried. We went 2/3 days without talking and then I got a long text saying she had slept with another guy that weekend. :S I know we weren't official yet so it isn't exactly cheating but considering all that had been said prior to this and all that had happened to me previously,I pretty turned off 'emotion mode' and haven't opened myself up to another girl since- It's been a good 2 years now. Any advice on how to get over this because it's starting to hold me back from a lot in life now. Do you think it's understandable or okay for me to have responded in such a way or not? I'm aware this probably doesn't even touch on some other people's problems but it's always been a big deal to me. | |||
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