Wife leaving, help please

I don't know where else to turn. I found this forum looking online for advice, any advice, and I read through a thread started by Unwind80 about three years ago. My story is much the same. We have been together for 20 years, married for 12 of those. My wife is an absolutely wonderful person - giving, tender, loving. Everyone who meets her immediately falls in love with her. She devoted all of that to me for years. My family background and personal inclination made it difficult for me to say the simple words "I love you". Of course I did and I cherished her more than anything on earth, but it was difficult to mouth those words for some reason. I just loved basking in the warmth of her love. Or at least what I thought was her love. And like Unwind, I tend to be critical. Sometimes it's just simple and obvious things, like emptying out a container before throwing it into the trash bin because when you take out the trash, it's likely to leak all over. It makes no sense to me to create irritation later by doing things that a second of foresight could avoid. Anyway, that's much how my mother was. People call it nagging and I've known forever that I have inherited that trait. I don't necessarily like it but things just come out sometimes. In any event, over the past year or two my wife has been saying she's unhappy and even went to a counselor. She had a lot going on in her life - multiple jobs, activities, etc., and I just thought it was something that would pass. She tried to talk but for me, the relationship wasn't so bad. We both take care of ourselves - no smoking, regular exercise, etc., and when I come home from work or get up on weekends, I like to go for a run before it gets late. When I come home, she says I'm grumpy. Maybe. Because after a piece of fruit or something, I'm fine. The exercise was not to run marathons or anything, just to stay healthy. Didn't work. One hundred days ago I had a heart attack after coming home from my morning bike ride. Called 911 and within minutes the ambulance showed up and took me to the ER. They later told me I had only a few moments or I'd be dead. Said I was in good shape but genetically got dealt a bad hand. They called it an athlete's heart attack - otherwise healthy people have a sudden blockage and those are often fatal. I spent the next few weeks trying to recover and thinking long and hard about how fragile life is, feeling melancholy that I almost checked out without having ever told the people closest to me how much I cared about them. I tried to show more affection to my wife, but somehow the magic words didn't come out. Then, as I recovered, we fell into our old ways. Exactly 90 days after my heart attack she told me that she wanted to divorce. It was like an arrow in my heart. My initial reaction was, "OK, go." I never expected that she would. But she did. She had to go out of town for a few days anyway and said she would be staying with her friend who lived close to the airport. After three days of no contact I bought a ticket and flew out to see her. I was stunned and hurt and wanted her to know with complete clarity that I cared for her more than anything on earth. She was surprised to see me, we hugged and snuggled and when I left 2 days later, she said she'd come back to our home when she returned in another day. Then she didn't. Just sent a text telling me she wasn't coming home. It's been like that for while now. She'll say she'll come back, she will, I'll pour my heart out, she'll cry and we'll embrace, and she'll promise that after work she'll be back. Then she won't call, won't text, won't give me any indication, but she won't show up. Last night we spoke three times during the day. She told me multiple times "I love you." We made plans for dinner and the weekend and I was counting myself lucky for having a chance to reset our relationship. Then she didn't show up. I watched the sun set and the night fall and called her but she wouldn't answer. Another night of no sleep and tears. I'm big, strong, and whining like a baby. My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel as if it is about to burst. I can't bear the fact that the person I loved so much was so unhappy for so long - she says for years, and worse, that she was unhappy with me. Now she treats me with what amounts to contempt - she has never ever ever been rude to anyone in her life as far as I know, so the fact that she simply disdains our relationship so much she won't even call to say she's not showing up - that's out of character and deliberate and painful. I don't know how to apologize and I don't know how to say I really didn't know how miserable she was even though she tried to tell me and I don't know how to promise to make life better because I don't think that people change fundamentally. I've told her all of those things over and over. And while people may not change fundamentally, the way their inclinations manifest themselves can be modified. I can in fact tell her how I feel. I can in fact give her a kiss first thing in the morning. Those are behavioral issues, not deep-seated and hard-wired characteristics. Sorry for the long post. I haven't slept in days and they're starting to ask at work if I'm OK. I made most of the same mistakes many others have made and I'm asking for anything that worked. I have little to offer this forum at this point, but maybe one day I will.

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