| Please be gentle with me, I am new here. Sorry this is so long. I hate to admit it, but I really don't see any reason to stay with my wife. I love her, but we just don't seem to be in love anymore. There is no one else. I am not ready to run to another woman. I have been completely faithful for my entire marriage. We have been together for twenty years and it has been up and down, like most relationships. She was recently divorced and we just dove in. We were head over heels. We lived together early on. Everything was great until she got tired of me not making much money and being thrifty. We began fighting a lot and she eventually kicked me out for being tight with money. I learned and grew up and won her back. We married and had a couple kids. We went through the normal challenges of marriage: financial difficulties, losing family members, losing jobs, etc. She is very vocal and I am pretty subdued. We went to MC several times due to fighting. I tried to become better by reading Marriage books and trying to focus more on her needs. I just don't feel that she gives anything back. She always wants me to change and I really try. She just doesn't seem to want to try to work on what I need from her. I have always been a physical person. I need physical closeness and passion in my relationship. When we have fought about sex in the past, she makes me feel like a perv for wanting to be sexual with her and try new things. She told me I should have married a prostitute. I got tired of being shot down and made to feel dirty and unwanted and I made a huge mistake by turning to porn. She was fine with it at first, it was kind of a relief for her to not have to bother with me. But there was still the feeling that I was dirty and our relationship got worse. She felt intimidated by the 'perfect' models I was lusting over. I felt bad that I was married and had to turn to porn because my beautiful wife didn't want me. I resented her more and more. One day, it all blew up and she kicked me out. She felt like I was cheating on her. I never cheated, she just felt cheated on by the porn. I fought for my family. I gave up porn completely and went to counseling and a support group. I begged her to take me back and tried everything to save our marriage. She finally took me back and we started over. We bought a new house and I got her a new wedding ring and band. She said the ring was nice, but didn't gush over it. The sex was good when we first got back together, but it soon went back to every now and then. I gained some weight and felt horrible. Job changes happened and I was laid off for a few months. So, here we are a few years later. I got on a health kick and lost some weight and am feeling great. I got a job with a great company and our kids are now teenagers. We do things as a family, but we spend hardly any time alone romantically. Maybe twice a month, we'll have a quickie in the shower. She doesn't want any foreplay or kissing; just get in, get off and get on with the day. We rarely have sex in bed. She says she doesn't like the odor after sex without showering afterward. I have offered to wear a condom or pull out, but she declines. Early on in our relationship, she said that's how sex had progressed with her ex-husband, whom she loathed. She acts like I am lucky to get what I get. She has mentioned several times over the years that she feels like all I want her for is sex. That is not true, I have always loved her deeply and enjoyed just being together. Sue me if I want to be intimate with the woman I love. I have worked on my approach and have been to counseling with her and alone to more than five different professionals. So, here I am now: older and tired and beat down and wondering if I should just move on. We have a lot of debt and would have to split it up. She makes very good money and would be fine financially. I could probably scrape by in a small apartment. I know there are two sides to every story and I am not at all perfect. But I have really tried to make this marriage work. She just does not seem to want to change anything. I feel like just a paycheck and a listener when she needs to vent. BTW - We are both in our mid forties and in great health. I hate to leave my kids, but they see that I am unhappy. I will always spend time with them. They will always have a home with me, if they choose. Do I sound like a bad person for wanting to leave? Am I wrong? I would appreciate any advice. | |||
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