| First wife left me for another guy after 11 years while I was putting her through school. I was overweight, smoking, drinking too much, working too much, and our anti-marriage counselor even made it very clear that it was my fault. Within 3 months I lost 60lbs, quit smoking, quit drinking completely, cut off all friends, took a bunch of time off work, etc. None of it meant a d*mn, including our 2 kids. I recovered somewhat, married another woman way too soon, and now she's cheated on me as well but doesn't want to leave and has cut off all ties with the guy. Of course she doesn't want to leave. I took her from a well-fare life, put her in a nice house, nice car, don't make her work (I did but when she F'd this guy I told her to quit), adopted her 3 kids, and give her basically everything I possibly can (racking up 10's of thousands in debt in the process). Her animals (cats and dogs), which I had refused to ever have prior, plus the kids have wrecked my house. She's overweight, in complete denial about it, and I tell her every day I love her and refuse to admit to her that she is. I've kept my weight off, even lost a little more, actually nearing the too skinny side. Then she goes off and F's this 300 something lb guy. She also keeps me up till all hours of the night which keeps me constantly sleep deprived. I want out. I'm being abused in every way possible (yes, even physically). She's embarrassed and disgraced me so many times that, after this, my self image and ego are all but completely gone. How ugly/bad of a person must I be to get treated like this? How could I be so horrible to my wives to cause all of this? I work just 40 hrs a week but make a lot of money and give almost all of it to my family, so it's not that I'm an absent father/husband just providing a lifestyle. I can't leave though. I don't care about the money (I estimate ~45% in child support, maybe 50%. I have little needs and could probably get out of debt faster by myself. I'd take all of the debt with me, let her keep the car, house, whatever she wants. It's the kids. They've all been through so much, I can't bare to rip them apart all over again. They (counselors) say my 2nd wife cheated on me because of our work schedules we didn't see each other much and her needs weren't being met. What about MY needs? Do they matter at all? I sure as hell weren't having any of mine met and had taken on almost full responsibility for the house and kids' daily needs. I'm on several medications to try and keep me mentally stable through all of this. Enough medication that my driver's license has actually been revoked, because they think I'm a suicide risk (yes I spent a week in a center because I'd threatened to at one point), so for the first time in my life I'm driving illegally. I've only had one ticket other than inspection/registration in my life. So, I don't know what to do at this point. We're in counseling together now but I'm not hopeful at all really. She's not going to change, it's been said many times that people don't change, certainly not to the degree she would need to. How much longer can I go on? Beyond the finances, beyond the effect on the kids, I'd also be alone at least for another 10 years. No woman in her right mind would get within 50 yards of me. If they could get past my looks they certainly wouldn't be able to get past my life circumstances. I don't think there's a real answer to all of this. It's really just a rant, an emotional dump because I just have to cry to someone. I can't talk about this with even my close friends or family because I'm too embarrassed. They all told me, pleaded with me, not to marry her. Ultimately I'm getting what I deserve for making some very poor life decisions. Whatever I guess... | |||
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