Too critical?

Hello good people, if you could spare a thought on this matter I would be very appreciative. I tend to be critical of my wife. Let me start my saying that she is a good person; loyal, loving, creative, and kind. On the other hand, she lacks discipline and is incredibly slow to do anything. I try to be patient, but eventually, and regularly I find myself so flabbergasted that my mood changes, and we end up in the same conversation where I express my disapointment that she can't help more and she gets hurt and upset. A brief overview: I work full time and overtime so we can get by. I serve on the board of our kids' school, I perform many of the household jobs (cooking, taking care of the kids, etc.), do all the finances, etc. etc. She is a stay at home mom. I have great deal of respect for what this entails. In reality, however, she doesn't seem to do much. The house is always a mess, when I don't get home early, she gets our son to bed hours late, dinner is rarely cooked, laundry is overflowing... all the perceptible cues of doing things consistently say no, she hasn't done anything. She tells me she has been busy all day. Times when I stay home, I see that she doesn't do much before the mid-afternoon. Whenever we go somewhere, she makes us all significantly late. When people come to visit us, they tell me I am the most patient man in the world. It has come to the point where I'm questioning reality. She has normalized her way of living, and is very hurt when I express my frustration - a nd she makes very little (noticeable) effort to change. Do I just accept her as this, and continue to push myself to the brink of collapse to keep our family in order? If so, how do I let go of this regular cycle of disapointment and criticism?

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