| Most of us like to go about our day in peace, why don't want to be complimented aka harassed at the gym or on the street. What is it about gym that makes men feel like they can just act any way they wish? This is why we have women only hours, just to awful pick up lines, insults when you tell them to get lost and objectifying stares that put us off are work outs. I'm sick of the overt masculine harassment we face when this LAD culture types travel in packs, especially at they gym, where I've had instructors try to sexually assault me as they said I was flaunting it by panting in my work outs and I should take it as a compliment. Women don't need men to save us from insecurity. Of course, this is rarely, if ever, what it's really about when men "compliment" women they don't know on how they look. If it were, then the collective male response to women's advocacy about street harassment and our insistence that these "compliments" make many women feel violated, scrutinized, and afraid, would be, "Oh ****, sorry, I had no idea. I'm going to think very carefully before doing this again, if at all." And really, how often is that really the response? Usually, it's a little more along the lines of, "Oh come onnnn, it was just a compliment, why can't you just say thank you, why can't I tell a girl she looks good, why's everybody so over-sensitive these days." So it's not really about making me feel nice, now is it? If this is your response to our opinions and you'restill claiming that you "just want to make a girl feel good about herself," then this is a serious look-at-your-life-look-at-your-choices moment for you. Because maybe it's not really about making people feel good. It's about making yourself feel good, about feeling the power that comes with judging and expressing opinions about a woman's looks–even if those opinions are positive. Here's the thing. Men in our culture have been socialized to believe that their opinions on women's appearance matter a lot they don't. Also, consider (men who want to do this) its effect on other people watching. Other men watching, quite possibly men without your sterling qualities and unquestionable niceness, will see this happen, if your fantasy goes right and the woman is okay with or enjoys your compliment.What they won't see is what's in your head: a decent guy trying to say something nice to someone for no other reason than she seems unhappy; the woman seems pleased, and all move on with their lives. What they will see is a guy making a comment on a woman's appearance, and winning, in the eternal game of "women control all the sex, and it's all a big game for men to try and win some". Or a woman will see that someone just got a result with their attempt, and now they'll have incrementally more men trying it on. Which means that later on, after the guy tries it himself and, due to his ineffable jerk qualities, is rejected or spurned or "loses" the sex game, he'll write an angry screed about how the bitches just can't take a compliment, or how awful it is that a nice guy like him can't do it when that other jerk did, and why don't the bitches like him anyway? It's rape culture. It contributes to the idea that women's bodies are for men, owned by men, and that men can do what they want with them. | |||
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