Roommates rather than spouses

My husband and I have been together 7 years tomorrow, married for 5 1/2. Our relationship forever changed when we had kids 3 years ago. With the birth of our first he started hanging out with friends A LOT and I dove headfirst into mommyhood. We were both to blame for basically ignoring each other. I think that was the worst of it. We worked through that, things got better and then he deployed. I was sad and worried of course that he was gone, but we had been through a deployment before. I am sad to say that I somehow felt happy to be alone. Of course I had our daughter, but I was happy with it just being me and her. Sure I missed him and worried about his safety and I would never leave him during such a difficult time. I did however toy with the idea of splitting later on. I just felt that we weren't the same couple we once were and never would be. I pushed all thoughts of that aside and once he returned we picked up where we left off and things were great! Which of course led to me getting pregnant with our second child. With my second pregnancy our sex life ceased to exist by month four. We blamed it on me being uncomfortable, but I think we both knew better. That's when it began to feel like we were roommates rather than spouses. Our daughter started sleeping with me during my pregnancy. We have a big enough bed that all 3 of us could sleep comfortably, but he chose to sleep alone in a separate bed. Should I have let her sleep with me? Maybe not, but either way we could have found ways to be a couple aside from bedtime. Neither of us did. Fast forward to arrival of baby #2. He starts a new job right after baby comes, and is stressed by that and going to school full time. I have to quit my job and stay home full time with our two kids. We couldn't afford daycare for 2 kids, cheaper to stay at home. I try to overcompensate for me being home and not working. I cook, clean, take care of the house, run errands, take care of the kids, etc. I RARELY ask for help, and if I do, its "Can you watch the baby while I shower?" Or change a diaper? That's it. Sure, I wish he'd help some, like I don't know, put your cup in the dishwasher rather than the sink? Or put your clothes in the hamper rather than the floor? It's almost as if it's expected for me to do it. Like I said, he works and goes to school, I know he's busy but at least he has days off. I don't. We'll argue about that, me not having days off. He'll throw back, "Try being deployed with no days off". Come on, seriously? I stood by him during those times, I know how stressed he was. I'm not asking you to compare and make yours out to be worse than mine. I'm asking for understanding! Things like birthdays, anniversary's, Christmas,etc is where our issue lies now. For Christmas we had it rough, barely able to get gifts for our kids, let alone each other. We did better than we thought we could for them turns out. For him I bought him 2 things, didn't cost much but I tried. What did I get? Nothing. Not that he had to get me anything, but the thought is nice. Nope nothing! Whatever, the look of joy on my kids faces are enough for me. Now, our 7 year anniversary is coming up and I ask him what he wants to do. I know we can't do much, him being busy with school and starting a new job again, but a movie or something would be nice. He says "Well I have to meet for the new job and turn in stuff to the old one, then I have schoolwork, so probably nothing." That hurts. I know he is busy but really? Couldn't he have said something like, let's plan something another day maybe? I want to buy him a gift, but have considered not and just not caring. I feel like I am the only one trying now...I have more to rant, but I'll stop for now. Bless you if you read all that!

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