Im falling for a girl I work with WHAT DO I DO??????

HELLO ALL I really like this amazing girl at work, we literally spend 8 hours together at work and really enjoy each others company. We even spend hour lunch together. She always follows me or I follow her (not in a stalker like way). We talk during work alot and have amazing conversations. I think im falling for this girl. When I first met her she was just a collegue/friend, she isn't a supermodel so I wasn't attracted to her but for the past 5 - 6 months thats changed I can't stop thinking about her. During a xmas dinner that the company organised in mayfair she wore this glamourous outfit, I sat opposite her and she was a goddess. What should I do? My worry is that if she says no then it will be super awkward at work. How do I find out if she likes me without being to obvious. Is there a way to find out from the body language or facial expression or something else. What kind of lines should I use that doesn't sound creepy. Just to let you know guys Im not after immediate sex or a one nighter, more companionship, someone to spoil and this girl is a true beauty inside and out. HELP ME Thanks

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British Indian guys: would you date a Pakistani girl?

Like the title says would you (Indian/south-asian guys) date and be in a serious/committed relationship a westernised non-religious British Pakistani girl, i.e. someone who goes out/drinks, is open to relationships? Why and why not?

See I've met a couple of nice guys over the past few of weeks who just so happened to all be Indian, and during the initial getting to know each other phase (not necessarily in a romantic setting but could possibly lead to it) we get along seemingly well until I mention I'm Pakistani after which I've noticed a lot of guys seem a tad disappointed/turned-off or tone down the friendliness/flirtatiousness completely :S One guy even once jokingly mentioned how he could never introduce me to his parents because of my ethnicity :/

I mean sure they're perfectly entitled to their own preferences and that any guy worth his salt would see past this and see me for me but i dunno... it's kind of annoying that I don't get a chance to show the real me without being lumped with the stereotypes of being Pakistani (which is what I'm assuming is happening here often). Also I seem to be solely attracted to asian guys of which the majority happen to be indian...

Thoughts TSR?

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Need some love advice for a work collegue

HELLO ALL

I really like this amazing girl at work, we literally spend 8 hours together at work and really enjoy each others company. We even spend hour lunch together. She always follows me or I follow her (not in a stalker like way). We talk during work alot and have amazing conversations. I think im falling for this girl. When I first met her she was just a collegue/friend, she isn't a supermodel so I wasn't attracted to her but for the past 5 - 6 months thats changed I can't stop thinking about her. During a xmas dinner that the company organised in mayfair she wore this glamourous outfit, I sat opposite her and she was a goddess.

What should I do?

My worry is that if she says no then it will be super awkward at work. How do I find out if she likes me without being to obvious. Is there a way to find out from the body language or facial expression or something else.

What kind of lines should I use that doesn't sound creepy.
Just to let you know guys Im not after immediate sex or a one nighter, more companionship, someone to spoil and this girl is a true beauty inside and out.

HELP ME
Thanks

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great article for the really nuts WAW

Found this article today, thought it would be worth sharing:

Why Couples Counseling Rarely Works with Narcissistic and Borderline Women | A Shrink for Men

This is my situation to a T. At least I only have 67 days until the D should be final. But went through 11 months of being a chump by agreeing with her and taking all the blame as she gas lighted me.

Maybe this will help someone else earlier vs later...

Happy 2014 to all!

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How can we create change?

We read an interesting article in the Harvard Business Review about what motivates the brain to change. We felt that it was very applicable to relationships and we wrote an article that we thought you might find helpful, about a more effective way to create change in your marriage. The link to the article is below:
How can we create change? | The Marriage Restoration Project - Marriage & Therapy Programs, Family & Marriage Counseling

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Time to decide

I wish there was magic dust to make everything make sense...or a crystal ball to show if anything will change, but I know that is not possible. So here I am, trying to talk my way through all the crazy mess of my life.

For a long time now, more than 4 years, closer to 5 I have had this thought in my head that if things didn't change that I was going to have to make the hardest decision of my life. To say or to go- and here I sit all this time later and nothing has changed, no matter how many times I have tried to make it be different.

I know everyone says to talk and try MC before doing anything, and for some that might be easy to do, but what do you do when you can even talk to your spouse about the problems that you have because they don't see anything wrong?

Everything has built up over the years and I have let it. I have never stood up for myself and never spoke out about what I wanted, I let him walk over me so to speak. From the time we got married 16 years ago I have been so scared that he would leave me that I never spoke up when I wasn't happy and I just tucked my tale and did exactly what he wanted done. If he didn't want me to do something then I didn't do it, if he wanted something done and I didn't want to well then I did it anyway because I didn't want to upset him.

I stopped seeing friends and having a social life, because he didn't like my friends and didn't want to be around them, and if I tried then I was questioned about why I was gone so long and what we were doing and the whole time I was gone it was a constant phone attack of when I was coming back...and that still happens now..

I have started to stand up for myself in a lot of way, like tonight I decided last night that I would go out with friends when I got off for new years, he gave me the pouty attitude about him not being able to go out and basically trying to make me feel bad about it, yet he forgets about the new years eve that I worked, he partied and go drunk and passed out in a hotel room and I had to go drag his drunk butt home when I got off at 7am after working a 12 hour shift. so..im going and will let the chips fall where they may.

I want to talk to him about the problems that we are having but I cant talk to him, he doesn't see that anything is wrong, when I try and tell him he tell me that I am crazy or just being over emotional. How do you talk to someone like that? How do you tell them that things need to change because you are not happy?

I feel like I am checking out so to speak, when I am at home I clean to stay away from him, and even if I am not I still find a reason to be in another room.

Our bedroom life has been rocky for a while, because all he cared/cares about it getting what he wants and then its over..foreplay whats that? But for the past few months I stopped even trying, I sleep as far on my side of the bed as I can, and sleep in clothes...pajama pants and a tshirt....I don't want him to touch me.

I will tell him I love him, if he says it first, which isn't often and its not a lie because even being unhappy I do still feel that I love him still, I am just not happy at all.

We have very little conversation and when we do he starts it and its about his work or football.

What I don't understand is how he can not see that things are not right. How can he be ok with me being so withdrawn and unhappy. How can he care so little as to want to know what is going on with me?

I really do feel like this is the end, that things are not going to get better only continue to get worse and I will only continue to be more and more unhappy.

I guess at this point all that is left is to make an appointment with him for us to talk and see what happens.

....im open for suggestions...and im open to questions if you need something else in order to make a suggestion

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going through separation...need help getting through it...

I am recently separated..... talking about like 3 days since we have decided to separate...

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and have 3 kids together. In the summer he sat down and told me that he didn´t want to be with me anymore and I didn´t make him happy. We were both somewhat unhappy, he was very emotionally distant and I felt taken for granted most of the time. We were separated for many months but still lived together and slept in the same room for many months because we didn´t know how to deal with everything and didn´t know how to talk to the kids.

after many months of a tough situation we decided that he had to leave and that we needed time to clear our heads and think about what we wanted. At the time I thought different things, I was heart broken because he was leaving and very pissed off that he had all the time in the world to think while I had to put on a happy face all day in front of the kids and have no time to think myself...

He left for only a week and he asked to come home. He missed all of us and wanted to be a family. I was very happy that day but had my suspicions from the beginning that he had come back because he felt lonely and couldn´t be without the kids. Well I thought that things would slowly get better and we would make time for our marriage not just work and the kids.

but 2 months have passed and things are the same. He is just as distant, no interest in doing things as a couple, I receive no attention and fell just as taking for granted and generally just as unloved as ever. So...i waited hoping things would get better.. but 3 days ago I decided to take the bull by the horns and just talk....

Well it was a really long conversation but ultimately he has no illusion to be with me but he still loves me and says that he is in love with me (thing that I can´t quite believe because if you are in love with someone you would have the illusion and interest the other person). We have never really fought and we are friends (which makes it a lot harder). We have decided that the best thing for us is to separate considering that we are not really happy and don´t know how to make things better.

I am really just looking for people to tell me their experiences and how to get though all this.... it is really hard to lose the most important thing in your life (apart form the kids of course) and fell like your heart breaks a little more with every second that passes.... need advice please...

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Polygamy option....

What if you were presented a situation where two or three women had feelings for you, but instead of the usual "you must choose" option, they surprisingly decided to share you. Would you attempt it? Or for those married, your wife had feelings for another women, but this other women also has feelings for you as well as your wife and asks to join your union unofficially. You let her in?

Me personally, that's awesome thinking about having multiple women and getting different options every night. But just dealing with one mate can be tough, imagining dealing with TWO girl's feelings and needs, that sounds too tough for me lol.

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Wife of 5 months, wants to move out of house as we live with my parents.

Ok here's the basic scenario and ill try and keep this as short as possible.

I meet a girl, who is seperated from current husband and has 2 kids with him. She is living with her mother and her mothers husband. We start dating, and I lived at home with my parents. (Im 32 and she is 25, at the time she was 21 and I was 29ish) I live at home however I stay there because I try to help them financially and with other things that need to be done.

I get this girl pregnant, and we argue over this. I wasn't sure I could financially support a child but in the same respect didn't want to be a dead beat dad or absent father. She wants to have the child (The fact that I even thought about abortion does still kill me to this day). But I stay with her by her side and I begin to help support her and her other 2 kids. We look at buying a house but then father says that our house is too big for just us...how about you, her and two kids move in. So we do, I spent quite a bit of money on renovating the kids bedrooms and trying to make it as inviting as I can.

Two months later our son is born, then after about a year and a half of living there she starts talking about marriage...not just talking about it but basically pressuring me into getting her a ring..so I did..I bought her a ring even though I had my own doubts on her level of commitment (she was already married once). To me married is a big deal and I wanted to only ever be married forever...and it just seemed with our situation we had a lot of obstacles to over come to get us married.

So I did it, i bought her a ring..but said we should hold off for a few years until we actually have the wedding. She doesn't want to hold off and she wants to get married in 9 months. She basically guilts me into planning a wedding in 9 months. While were planning our wedding im paying to handle her old marriage, her ex wasn't paying any child support and blah blah blah...so I managed to hire a lawyer to start getting child support from him and to have a set custody..at the time he wasn't all that good of an ex. Then I have to get her divorced and they had a house together that they were both losing anyways..so I offered to pay all the back taxes and the legal bills if he signed over the house. I planned on putting it in both our names but since her credit is screwed I didn't want to put it in hers and then get 6 judgements against it.

So she gets divorced and 4 months later we get married. I managed to foot the wedding bill and we got married. Even though she kept threatening to call it off on several occasions.

Now shortly after the wedding my parents are still struggling and im still trying to figure out ways to try and please everybody. My wife says I should just let the house go because "it's just a house". Well its not just a house to me, it was my fathers life. It was some dumpy farm house when he bought it and now its a beautiful location..It sits on a dead end road with no neighbors surrounding by woods and man made ponds..my father has said he wanted the ashes scattered on the pond island. I want to keep the house so one day my son can maybe keep it.

Now obviously living with inlaws is tough, I understand that. Its tough on me too as obviously im always caught in the middle. I understand im going to be caught in the middle. My mother can be very unpleasant and is bothered by the kids because sometimes kids can be kids and be very loud and throw fits etc etc. So my mother gets mad and goes out into the other room and my wife feels shes not wanted there even though nobody has ever said that to her or me.

She starts hinting at trying to find our own place and said well I can still help my parents financially if we do. She has never had a job when shes been with me, and she really hasn't had a job because she is always taken care of her kids. However she never stayed at home with her last husband and always ran off to her mothers and she does the same exact thing now. I don't force her to stay home or anything but she says she cannot be at the house when im not there even though she would be alone with the kids until around 2:00 when my mother gets home from her job..a few weeks ago my wife and the kids were home and my mother got mad because the dvd player remote was missing...so she was mad and my wife packed up the kids and left the house and she called me saying she can't live there no more...we slept at my office (im self employed) and went back the next day.



I help take care of all of these kids and her and my parents. My one sister lives out of town and isn't around, my older brother is kind of useless and my father has bailed him out over and over, and my other sister died 8-9 years ago. My father plenty of people including all my siblings, relatives and even friends of the family and im the only one that is trying to help him.

I would like to think I take pretty good care of her, I don't expect much of anything from her really. She does clean up the house however I help as well. She complains about cleaning up after my mother. My mother or father don't really clean up after themselves so she does it. She says she spends her life cleaning up a house she is never at....the realty is that she occassionaly cleans up for a half hour in the morning (tops) and cleans for maybe an hour at the end of the day when im home and I either help her or I watch the children while she does it.
We both do the dishes, we both do laundry and I generally try to take care of other things after we get the kids to bed. But when I get home its like I can handle the kids myself but she can't do things with the kids that I have no problem doing myself with all of them.

Now she is saying that she is going to find a job and move out on her own and either i can go with her or I can stay there and we can still try and be married. Even though nothing seriously bad has even happened within the past few weeks. What makes it hard for me is either I let her go with my son and the other 2 kids whos life ive been a apart of for 4 years now..or i go and basically stop trying to help my mother and father.

I have given her and the kids basically everything I can, the kids don't want for nothing and have basically anything a child could want, she has a car that I bought her and I pay for every month..I pay all the bills and let her child support basically go to buying gas so she can bomb around town all day with the kids and buy quick and easy meals on the run for the children because she doesn't want to go home. I pushed her to get her GED and she did and I was so proud of her for that, then she wanted to try and pursue a career in real estate and I set the money aside for that...but she never wanted to sign up. Now she wants to go work some dead end job even though i have offered her several ways to make more money doing less work and still having time with the children (which she wanted).

Now she wants to get a job and just move out, and probably have her mother watch our kids. I think her family is a horrible influence on the children and her mother is a very irresponsible parent. Even my wife has said that before...and I think just letting her put our children in the care of her mother is a mistake, moving would be pulling the kids out of their school probably and any friends they have. I feel like if I leave with her she will lose her job eventually because her babysitter (mother) is unreliable and im going to be stuck trying to pay for that house as well...and probably lose both.

Im sorry im rambling but im at my wits end...seriously ive put on 45lbs of weight and have to take blood pressure medicine now because of added stress in my life.

What do I do? I don't want to lose them and at the very least I don't want to lose my son.

Happy New Year everyone....mines looking GREAT already!!!

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Sorrow and Lonliness and resentment

Hi folks,

Well, I apologize up front for a long incoming post. I am hoping when you read my story, someone out there might have insight and help me.

I have been married for 27 years. I was 18 when I got married in '86. I was a young girl and in the life of the marriage I "grew". I came to want more out of my life than being first a daughter then a wife then a mother. I married the man that took me away from a horrible home life with my mother and step dad and gave me just enough emotional support to keep me. I was satisfied with that for a long time.

But then I changed. Not him...ME. I decided to go to school. I became an LPN then after a year decided I wanted more..so college here I come...at 40. I graduated and got an amazing job. The thing is...the real problem didn't go away. I have always been a romantic. Touchy feely type. I need words and action..I suppressed those needs for years and years...but I can't anymore.

Having lived through my mothers 3 marriages and divorce..I swore to myself that I wouldn't fight in front of my kids, and I didn't..not once. It wasn't difficult because my husband is a "go with the flow" kinda guy. If you say nothing...nothing is wrong...even though that certainly is NOT the case. Things went on for years. Now at 46, I question how much more loneliness I can cope with.

I apologize for dumping this on whomever chooses to read it, but I am so lost right now. I told my husband I wanted a divorce, that I needed "more". Then the guilt set in. Our entire marriage, I have been the "fixer". If something needed done..I am a now person..he isn't. Life waits for him. It made for a good partnership, but there came a point when I didn't want to be the leader anymore. As a RN, I lead in my profession..I need someone else to lead in my personal life. But sadly I trained my family well. I have always been the person they could count on, so now I'm stuck with it

My children are grown..but not out of the house. It makes it so hard to leave. The house was built by my husband and his family. I have noone. But I'm not afraid...I just am wracked with guilt. My oldest son (26) talked to me for hours when I asked for the divorce and because of that, I backed off. But now again I am in such loneliness. I couldn't tell him that my love for his dad has died. That I will always care for his father..but that the desire is gone. I let it die right along with my husband.
So now I have to deal with the fact that things are just as they were and all I want to do is run run run away.

How do I deal with wanting to put my needs above my kids' needs for the first time in my life?

If you made it this far, please give me your honest opinion, even if it hurts to hear and thank you.

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Do you feel like it would be easier to just start over with someone new?

You know, when the marital problems just pile up and are unresolved. I often get the feeling that some people divorce for this reason. What do you think?

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2013 A Wonderful Year for Renewal

2013 has been a wonderful year. Mrs. Adams and I have been in Reconciliation for the past 30 years. Reconciliation is an on-going thing it does not just happen. We have had our struggles but, most importantly we love each other. For any that may not have followed our story, Mrs. Adams had an affair 30 years ago. I have had a horrible time dealing with it. Now, we did reconcile and have had a wonderful marriage, however, the horrors of the affair still haunted me. This year we both made special efforts to deal with our demons. I saw Mrs. Adams try so hard, I found TAM. We read a couple of very helpful books. We did all the right things. We are more in love than ever. Tonight as we end 2013, we had a very special love making session, we spent a wonderful hour in the hot tub talking and staring in each other's eyes. We are both so committed; we feel like teenagers, life is wonderful. We were blessed to travel to many beautiful places this year including New Orleans, St. Martin, Florida, Texas, Europe, New York City, Southern California and a few other wonderful places. We were able to completely reconnect. This year has been more wonderful than either of us could have ever imagined. Not to mention being blessed with wonderful children and grandchildren. We are so thankful we still have each other. Thank you Mrs. Adams for sticking it out and loving me. We start 2014 equally great with a Caribbean cruise in two weeks. Life is good. You just need a little tenacity.

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Nice guys finish last

is a song by Ryan Higa.... No but seriously do girls tend to be attracted towards "bad" guys? I'm sure many of you are familiar with the typical scenario

Girl dates bad guy
Guy is mean to girl
Girl blames all guys for being d****

When it was the girls fault she can't chose wisely ;)

Oh btw i'm single hit me up
^That's a joke xD

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would it turn you off if your bf gained 5 pounds?

And not in muscle? Hypothetically speaking would it be a dealbreaker?

Both sexes seem to lose physical atraction when their partner gains weight. Does this mean if they put on a stone or more or the moment that you notice they're not as fit as they were?

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Ex making moves when I'm in a happy relationship

Hi guys,
I'm in a long distance relationship with my bf (he goes to uni in Wales) and so far, we've kept it going well for a long distance. We talk everyday and according to our close mates, we make a great couple. Now the other day, my ex called me and he started saying that he wished that we were still dating and how he wanted us to try dating again. When I said no, he started coming on stronger. For my own reasons, I don't want to tell that many people that I'm dating and so don't know what to do next time I see my ex

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guys; what are your tips for girls who wants to pick you up in the club?

im a girl whos going out for new years and i plan on going on the prowl:p
i havent tried picking up guys in clubs before and it sounds like it would be easy , but just in case i thought i would come on here and ask for some tips

so what would be your tip for me picking you up in a club

also i dont plan on going home with them that night as it sounds a bit dodgy as i would be drunk (impaired judgement) and i live with my family who would freak out if i didnt come home that night

i wanna get numbers and met up a day or so later

suggestions?

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Infidelity

What to do, what to do?

Around September my husband was caught getting naked videos and naked pictures from another woman. When i confronted him about it he denied it and so i asked the woman. she admitted to everything. and even told her fiance. I then asked him again over and over he slowly gave me a little more of the truth. He then said it wouldn't happen again.

Then just two weeks ago i found more videos and more pictures from 3 or 4 different woman. He didn't even try to deny it then, but he hid it?

He stays up late doing god knows what. He also gets mad when i am on my period and i don't want to have sex with him, he trys to force me, a week ago it got pretty bad. We were at his grandparents house and he cornered me in the bathroom, i kept asking him to stop and he kept going. He then got so mad he pushed me into the mirror and walked out.

He has a very short temper, and doesnt trust me at all. He calls me bad names sl*t, W*ore etc. he goes through my social sites facebook, instagram blocking and deleting all kind of guys. He even wrote my ex pretending to be me thinking that he would catch me hiding something.

Not sure what to do..

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Kinky Sex

Wife thinks being a dominatrix is sick and wrong but enjoys twisting my nipples, slapping my penis, and pinching my butt to force me to thrust when being given a BJ. I believe she is sexually repressed and afraid to admit her true desires to herself and to me (even though she knows I would be ok with it).

She is very self disciplined and controlled. But I believe her notions of it being wrong and her strong discipline keep her from being free and is causing problems for us in the bedroom.

What can I do to help her?

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Separation & New Years

Anyone separated and having difficulties facing NYE/New Years? I am personally not "allowed" to speak to my husband, he is asking for complete privacy right now. I still hope he'd want to tell me Happy New Year, but I doubt he will. Knowing our troubles are rolling into the new year is a difficult thing to swallow. Anyway, NYE is always a time to have fun with people you love, especially your spouse...does anyone dread New Years?

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"I didn't take vows to you"

My story is old and I took it down, but I feel the need to make one more point.

So, my fWW's fOM told me back then "I didnt break any vows to you, I owe you nothing". Apparently a common outlook by all Other Persons, their way of excusing their POS behaviour. You are half of a crime team but hey, it's not your problem, right? Not your fault you're screwing with a married person?

Well after all these months guess what, the POS is having troubles with his kid and thinks that my W could end NC with him to help him out. Been leaving messages and like that, trying to fish for her. She's golden now, just forwards me the msg without even opening them herself, so I'm pretty good but I really want to say to the universe:

"My wife didn't make any vows to you, she owes you nothing."

How's that feel you POS, it's your own philosophy biting you in the arse, you like it now? If you could grasp this concept you would know why she will never take your bait, call you back, or help your kid. Its not her problem, she's not in an relationship with you.

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Do you see criticism as a gift?

When your spouse criticizes you, do you view it as a gift that you can learn from?

What helpful changes have you made as a result of your partner's criticism?

Have you ended up thanking your partner for telling you something you were at first really annoyed or even offended to hear?

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Are some things better left unsaid?

Apologies for the length of this opening post, but I need to provide some background. I hope at least a few will plow through and respond.

We've had a couple of threads about men's reactions to what their wives did or didn't do in the past and whether they did or didn't do the same things for their husbands. I have a related question from a different angle and I'd like to get the benefit of others' views.

My wife and I are happily married and always have been, so I've been more an observer on these forums than someone seeking advice. And yet, when about three weeks ago I learned some surprising facts about her sexual history (details don't matter here)—a discovery she doesn't know about yet—I was hit with the retrospective jealousy bug. Bah! I did not expect to learn about her past and if I did, I did not expect to have such a reaction. I thought I was a better man than this. I'm disappointed in myself.

However, in apparent contrast to many others who go down this route, I have not and will not throw her history in her face or question her about it or use it as emotional blackmail or anything like that. I am fully aware that her past has nothing to do with us—I don't need that standard lecture; you'd be preaching to the choir. I know this whole retrospective jealousy thing is entirely irrational and it's MY problem, MY demon, MY responsibility to get over it without inflicting anything negative on her. And I'm working hard on doing exactly that. There's no way in hell I'd allow my irrational reactions to come between us and ruin a wonderful relationship. Ain't gonna happen.

However, my wife knows that something's going on in my head. It's not because I've pulled away from her. I've done everything I can to change nothing about how I relate to her. The problem is that the RJ mind games in my head have kept me awake at night and she's picked up on my difficulty sleeping. The fight between my rational, reasonable mind and the OCD tendencies feeding on the RJ have also made me a bit more irritable during the day. She just knows me too well for me to be credible saying that nothing's bothering me.

My plan was to work through this on my own and never mention it to her, partly to avoid having her think less of me for obsessing about something so unimportant (and the fact that my knowing violates her privacy) and partly to avoid seeming like I'm demanding details from her that I really, really don't want. Also, I'm afraid that admitting that some part of my mind is bothered, no matter how irrational it is, will be taken as a negative judgment about her. But she's a sweetheart and she wants to know what's bothering me. She's adamant that whatever it is, it's better to get it in the open.

We had a discussion a while back, before I got this !@#$*! RJ bug, about whether she would agree that some things are better left unsaid even between a loving couple. I used the example of my having an affair (which hasn't happened—it's a complete hypothetical). To my surprise, she said she would want to know about it. How could I disagree with her when she used such loving wisdom as this (it's a direct quote):

"Guilt is a poison and it leaches out beyond the primary person feeling it to affect other relationships, health, etcetera. Forgiveness (of self and others) acknowledges that we're human, we make mistakes and yet can - in fact must - move on. Love is the key. I would hope that our love can help us get through anything."

I confess I got all teary-eyed when I read that the first time.

So at last to my question: should I talk to her about what I'm going through and why I'm going through it? If I should talk to her about it, how much detail should I get into? What if she wants to know specifically what in her past has triggered my RJ? Do I give a candid answer? Or should I say, following my original inclination, that I've just got some things on my mind that I need to work through about work or our younger son (both true, but neither of which I'm obsessing about)? Of course, that wouldn't really be the truth and would create another issue of lack of honesty.

Be kind in any response.

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via Personal Recipe 2629979

How to communicate

My dtr's husband moved out last week. He at the time was refinishing a wall in their house which had been damaged by a water leak. He emailed her asking if she would be at work on new year's eve and if she was he would go to the house and finish the project while she isn't there. She does not have to go into the office new year's eve but she won't be at the house on new year's day. She had already discussed with him a couple weeks ago about being busy with her sewing group on new year's day. Seems he forgot. Should she email and tell him she won't be at the house on new year's day instead of new year's eve like he asked? Or should she continue to not call or email him as she has been following some advice to make him pursue her since he is the one who moved out?:scratchhead:

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via Personal Recipe 2629979

Lost!

This is pretty sad but I have zero friends to talk about any of this stuff and need to talk so here it is ...

I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years. I have kids from a previous relationship - 3 grown and moved out and an 8 year old at home. The bf has been living with me for 2 years now.

It's been an okay relationship. The physical and emotional intimacy are pretty weak and he sucks at communicating but we are both pretty level headed and respectful of each other.

Because of his lack of sexual interest it has hit my self esteem pretty hard so have been struggling with depression this last while.

He went out last Thursday and got pretty smashed. When he came home he was pretty upset and asked if I knew anyone with a certain phone number and he figures someone was trying to set him up. He then showed me on his facebook how this woman had been making some very explicit propositions to him over the previous couple weeks. He wasn't really sure who this lady was. His responses to the facebook messages were always things like "I'm flattered but am involved". In the message thread she had included her cell number. He was upset because when he tried texting her there was some confusion and he had thought she had given him a bogus number.

As he was wasted I had my hands full dealing with him as that is when he gets into talking about his feelings so didn't really process what any of this meant but the next day as I was processing everything from the night before it occurred to me why the f**k was he texting this chick that he didn't know when he was all hammered up at the bar unless it was that he was trying for a booty call. And this couldn't even totally be blamed on poor judgement due to alcohol because he would have been completely sober when he added her number to his cell phone contacts.

I talked to him about it and he did what he always does when I talk to him and that's just sits quietly and doesn't say a word.

I guess there have been other suspicious red flags like on his cell phone there will be conversations with girls that all of a sudden are deleted from his history (we use each other's phones quite often).

I spent some further time stewing on this and talked to him again on Saturday and told him I think we need to break up. I don't think I can worry about what he may be up to every time he leaves the house. He said he'll take some time off work at the end of January and move out.

I feel devastated! Not even a week ago we were making plans to go on vacation in early February and having conversations about if something happened to me how he should still take care of my 8 year old. My kid will also be devastated by this. He has some emotional issues and has a strong bond with my bf.

For the record, I don't think he has ever cheated but I am guessing this isn't the first time he has crossed some lines. I am unsure if he would ever actually go through with cheating on me or if it's just the chase that he's interested in.

Do you guys think I'm over-reacting? I am just a mess at the idea of moving on from this relationship :(

Thanks for reading.

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via Personal Recipe 2629979

Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Okay, I've now browsed quite a bit of this forum, somewhat learned the lay of the land and feel like this is where I probably fit in best, so I'll do another introduction.

I've been married for nearly 25 years to a very high functioning alcoholic - he's been at the same job for longer than we've been married and his well respected there. He's never been arrested, wrecked a car, has no financial problems or any of the other usual pitfalls that typically befall an alcoholic. It's just that if he's not at work or asleep, he has a drink in his hand and WILL go to bed drunk, day or night. He even brings his beer into the shower!

I've threatened to leave many times in the past, and he's been to rehab twice, both failed, obviously. I've done Al Anon, individual counseling, etc. Professionals have told me over and over that I should leave. Why haven't I?

I needed help with the kids, for one, and in spite of it all he IS a good father. Besides, they're all pretty much grown now, so that ship has sailed. Another reason? He's a good person, beneath it all, and I have terrible guilt about 'bailing' on him. He helps around the house and in many ways is an ideal husband, probably a better spouse than I am since I've given up trying over the past few years.

I promised myself long ago that I'd leave once the kids were independent, and have only been marking time for the past few years. This has had an unexpected result. Once I stopped asking him to conduct himself a certain way, stopped hoping for normal companionship, etc., he's never been happier and there are no more fights! He takes my silence as meaning that things are fine and I feel terrible knowing he'll be blindsided when I tell him I want a divorce. Heck, at times I've fooled myself into believing that our marriage is okay... until I see the affection and friendship between other couples and could cry with envy.

I've made an appointment to see a counselor (alone, he swore he'd never see a marriage counselor and I'm not about to try again at theis point). I'm hoping to find the courage to do what I know I need to do, and looking forward to some new perspectives. Thanks for reading.

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via Personal Recipe 2629979