I have been with my wife for nearly 10 years, married for 2 of those and we have lived together for 6-7 years of those. We're both in our 20s.
I have always had a nagging feeling about whether or not I have made the right choice of partner, as we have had quite a rocky relationship. Although I care strongly about her and we do sometimes get along well and have good times, I frequently find getting along with her and avoiding arguments almost impossible. It's hard to put all of this into concise words without writing a massive essay, but the reason I feel I am struggling with her is mostly due to her temper and argumentative personality.
She says she is depressed and always has been through most of her life. I have encouraged her over the years to try and deal with the depression. She went on antidepressants once and also went to a private counsellor. Both of these were at my request, but neither seemed to particularly help and I've since tried focusing on helping her myself. As an example, I printed her out a self-help guide to depression the other day which she has only read one page of so far.
I feel like I've been walking on eggshells for so long. We can be completely fine (or at least I think so) and then suddenly she'll explode over the most trivial of matters. She doesn't back down in these arguments, even when she's very obviously in the wrong, and only says sorry sarcastically when she does calm down. Then the same thing will happen again and again.
We have bought a house that needs a lot of work doing to it, we also have a few animals and I have my own health problems. I work from home, while she works part time at a shop. I do the majority of the housework, plus the vast majority of the house renovations, looking after the animals and dealing with my own issues. I feel very alone in all of these areas. My wife says the reason she isn't interested in any of them is down to her depression, but she seems to have no interest in changing things. She says depression is by its very nature a selfish condition and she often says that she couldn't care less about the things that I'm bothered by.
Our sex life isn't great. My sex drive with her is very low, because I feel so much frustration about her, that I feel disconnected to her like that. I find myself attracted to other people, not just sexually, but in the sense that I imagine what life would be like with them instead.
I feel very sympathetic about her depression. I have read up about it and understand how it can make people feel, but I also feel that not trying to do something about it isn't good for the person, nor those around them. I find myself frustrated that I can't see her trying and my attempts to persuade her are usually met with hostility.
Going back to myself, I feel like I am in a dilemma, as to what to do about this. I don't want to continue life like this, yet I feel terrified of leaving her. If I did, I will be throwing away
10 years of my life and I would probably have to be the one to move out and start again with everything. I enjoy my job, but my wife wants me to give it up in order to get another that pays a lot better, so that we can start a family. I would like to have a family, but I don't want to bring a child into this sort of situation.
I find myself constantly questioning what my life could be without her, wondering if I could find a happier relationship and be a happier person.
Does anyone have any advice they could offer?
I have always had a nagging feeling about whether or not I have made the right choice of partner, as we have had quite a rocky relationship. Although I care strongly about her and we do sometimes get along well and have good times, I frequently find getting along with her and avoiding arguments almost impossible. It's hard to put all of this into concise words without writing a massive essay, but the reason I feel I am struggling with her is mostly due to her temper and argumentative personality.
She says she is depressed and always has been through most of her life. I have encouraged her over the years to try and deal with the depression. She went on antidepressants once and also went to a private counsellor. Both of these were at my request, but neither seemed to particularly help and I've since tried focusing on helping her myself. As an example, I printed her out a self-help guide to depression the other day which she has only read one page of so far.
I feel like I've been walking on eggshells for so long. We can be completely fine (or at least I think so) and then suddenly she'll explode over the most trivial of matters. She doesn't back down in these arguments, even when she's very obviously in the wrong, and only says sorry sarcastically when she does calm down. Then the same thing will happen again and again.
We have bought a house that needs a lot of work doing to it, we also have a few animals and I have my own health problems. I work from home, while she works part time at a shop. I do the majority of the housework, plus the vast majority of the house renovations, looking after the animals and dealing with my own issues. I feel very alone in all of these areas. My wife says the reason she isn't interested in any of them is down to her depression, but she seems to have no interest in changing things. She says depression is by its very nature a selfish condition and she often says that she couldn't care less about the things that I'm bothered by.
Our sex life isn't great. My sex drive with her is very low, because I feel so much frustration about her, that I feel disconnected to her like that. I find myself attracted to other people, not just sexually, but in the sense that I imagine what life would be like with them instead.
I feel very sympathetic about her depression. I have read up about it and understand how it can make people feel, but I also feel that not trying to do something about it isn't good for the person, nor those around them. I find myself frustrated that I can't see her trying and my attempts to persuade her are usually met with hostility.
Going back to myself, I feel like I am in a dilemma, as to what to do about this. I don't want to continue life like this, yet I feel terrified of leaving her. If I did, I will be throwing away
10 years of my life and I would probably have to be the one to move out and start again with everything. I enjoy my job, but my wife wants me to give it up in order to get another that pays a lot better, so that we can start a family. I would like to have a family, but I don't want to bring a child into this sort of situation.
I find myself constantly questioning what my life could be without her, wondering if I could find a happier relationship and be a happier person.
Does anyone have any advice they could offer?
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