Married almost 31 years. Husband retiring soon. A single woman that has worked with him for all these years contacted me to 'get together and get to know each other better'. She never so much as said hello at co. events previously. I did take her to a guild meeting as she said she was interested in the activity. She feigned interest all the way there and at the meeting. On the way home, she asked 3X where exactly we live (doesn't she have google maps?), asked me WHY my husband stays with me when I've obviously 'let myself go', and then said she can see I am a kind and helpful person and maybe THAT is what he sees in me. She said she was trying to get an ID card to get 'back in the building' (she was given a retirement package early 2 weeks prior to our meet) because she misses seeing my husband and the other guys in the dept. She said she still has a parking pass to get into the lot.
Her request to get together with me was at a co. function and I noticed she positioned herself directly across from us and I thought at the time that the other people in the dept. were nervous. She asked what I did when I worked and I told her I was a retired exec; she was a clerk; her remark to my statement was, 'oh that explains it'. I called my husband on the speaker phone to tell him we were on our way home from the meeting (we met a restaurant parking lot to carpool). He didn't realize she was in the car and he remarked that he was too old and tired to do tax returns anymore. At that point she said hello and informed him that another guy at work did her return for her and he said, 'Oh?'
When I got home, he was a nervous wreck, pacing the floor, grabbing his chest, and looking at me like he expected all hell to break out. He told me he didn't appreciate not knowing that she was in the car and could hear him. I said, why do you care what she t hinks? I still wasn't suspicious and acted normal. She had complained that her current bf was too busy taking care of his elderly father. I asked my husband why this woman wanted to meet with me, and he said perhaps she was looking for a friend. She is slender, very attractive, 63.
I confronted him, asking if he was having or had an affair with her. He denied everything and claims he has not had sex with anyone outside the marriage. He was spying on my email and laptop a year and a half ago and asked our dtr if I was having an affair! He was very defensive. He cleared the history on his phone and laptop. I glanced at his PC screen and he clicked off it before I could see what was on it. I had heard chimes from it like a message coming in and when I glanced at it he clicked off. He claims there were no chimes but I heard it twice.
Upon further investigation, I discovered he has been looking at porn on his laptop and phone. He claims he quit a year and a half ago but he is still looking at it. That doesn't bother me but the lying does. He is a cardiac patient, is having trouble with ED, and is retiring soon. All issues for a mid life crisis. I found condoms and we have not used them for a year and a half and they were new; he claims he bought them long ago and they have a 5 year exp date when you buy them. They expire in 2017. I don't remember any new ones for us. He wants more sex and he wants it more varied. I ordered some lingerie, books, etc. He made remarks about my weight.
He is home every evening, but has taken off on the weekend for a couple of hours without telling me he is leaving. He says he went to look at cars, which is a hobby of his. Every salesman knows him on every lot in the area. He told me he is 'not on a leash' and doesn't have to tell me when he leaves. I say he does. He finds a reason to go to the store or insists on walking the dog alone and I imagine he is calling someone. I didn't go to the last holiday dinner at his family's (flu) and he didn't care; in the past I had to go if I was on my death bed. He doesn't always answer his phone at work for me like he did in the past. I wonder if he is going to dump me when he retires? Did he have something going on and broke it off and this woman is ticked? The thought, 'Hell has no fury like a woman scorned' went thru my mind that evening with her. What do you think? Why would this woman contact me like this???
The previous responses were lost to this post. I really need the info on how to verify - VAR, etc.
A few more things have happened that make me think there was something going on. My husband is using self tanning lotion, talking about dyeing his hair, went to the store specifically for a new toothpaste that 'someone' told him about, 'someone' told him such and such movie was a good one to watch, 'someone' told him that a newscaster was of the same ethnicity as the woman that met me that night, and 'someone' told him a good restaurant to get a burger (previously he said he went to said restaurant with co-workers).
I am thinking the chimes I heard from his PC were this woman messaging him; she pointed out several times to me that she 'has her tablet' and kept tapping it and holding it up for me to see. I think she was sending him naked photos while he was sitting in the family room with me watching tv and he was typing back to her.
I have someone checking the gossip at his work to see if anyone will tell us if something was going on.
I want to set up a VAR and some other things to check further.
My husband also told our son to get a hooker if he is bored (son is single and not dating currently).
I think the signs are more and more obvious and I need to face facts. Once I establish proof that he is lying, I am filing for divorce. I will go ahead with counseling scheduled for next month. I'm taking care of my 94 year old mother, moving her to assisted living and selling her condo, taking care of my developmentally disabled sister, our daughter is in the process moving out and soon our son will be leaving. I was looking forward to reconnecting and getting to know each other again, travelling, etc. Now I'm changing focus to being single and being happy, away from a lying cheating husband.
Her request to get together with me was at a co. function and I noticed she positioned herself directly across from us and I thought at the time that the other people in the dept. were nervous. She asked what I did when I worked and I told her I was a retired exec; she was a clerk; her remark to my statement was, 'oh that explains it'. I called my husband on the speaker phone to tell him we were on our way home from the meeting (we met a restaurant parking lot to carpool). He didn't realize she was in the car and he remarked that he was too old and tired to do tax returns anymore. At that point she said hello and informed him that another guy at work did her return for her and he said, 'Oh?'
When I got home, he was a nervous wreck, pacing the floor, grabbing his chest, and looking at me like he expected all hell to break out. He told me he didn't appreciate not knowing that she was in the car and could hear him. I said, why do you care what she t hinks? I still wasn't suspicious and acted normal. She had complained that her current bf was too busy taking care of his elderly father. I asked my husband why this woman wanted to meet with me, and he said perhaps she was looking for a friend. She is slender, very attractive, 63.
I confronted him, asking if he was having or had an affair with her. He denied everything and claims he has not had sex with anyone outside the marriage. He was spying on my email and laptop a year and a half ago and asked our dtr if I was having an affair! He was very defensive. He cleared the history on his phone and laptop. I glanced at his PC screen and he clicked off it before I could see what was on it. I had heard chimes from it like a message coming in and when I glanced at it he clicked off. He claims there were no chimes but I heard it twice.
Upon further investigation, I discovered he has been looking at porn on his laptop and phone. He claims he quit a year and a half ago but he is still looking at it. That doesn't bother me but the lying does. He is a cardiac patient, is having trouble with ED, and is retiring soon. All issues for a mid life crisis. I found condoms and we have not used them for a year and a half and they were new; he claims he bought them long ago and they have a 5 year exp date when you buy them. They expire in 2017. I don't remember any new ones for us. He wants more sex and he wants it more varied. I ordered some lingerie, books, etc. He made remarks about my weight.
He is home every evening, but has taken off on the weekend for a couple of hours without telling me he is leaving. He says he went to look at cars, which is a hobby of his. Every salesman knows him on every lot in the area. He told me he is 'not on a leash' and doesn't have to tell me when he leaves. I say he does. He finds a reason to go to the store or insists on walking the dog alone and I imagine he is calling someone. I didn't go to the last holiday dinner at his family's (flu) and he didn't care; in the past I had to go if I was on my death bed. He doesn't always answer his phone at work for me like he did in the past. I wonder if he is going to dump me when he retires? Did he have something going on and broke it off and this woman is ticked? The thought, 'Hell has no fury like a woman scorned' went thru my mind that evening with her. What do you think? Why would this woman contact me like this???
The previous responses were lost to this post. I really need the info on how to verify - VAR, etc.
A few more things have happened that make me think there was something going on. My husband is using self tanning lotion, talking about dyeing his hair, went to the store specifically for a new toothpaste that 'someone' told him about, 'someone' told him such and such movie was a good one to watch, 'someone' told him that a newscaster was of the same ethnicity as the woman that met me that night, and 'someone' told him a good restaurant to get a burger (previously he said he went to said restaurant with co-workers).
I am thinking the chimes I heard from his PC were this woman messaging him; she pointed out several times to me that she 'has her tablet' and kept tapping it and holding it up for me to see. I think she was sending him naked photos while he was sitting in the family room with me watching tv and he was typing back to her.
I have someone checking the gossip at his work to see if anyone will tell us if something was going on.
I want to set up a VAR and some other things to check further.
My husband also told our son to get a hooker if he is bored (son is single and not dating currently).
I think the signs are more and more obvious and I need to face facts. Once I establish proof that he is lying, I am filing for divorce. I will go ahead with counseling scheduled for next month. I'm taking care of my 94 year old mother, moving her to assisted living and selling her condo, taking care of my developmentally disabled sister, our daughter is in the process moving out and soon our son will be leaving. I was looking forward to reconnecting and getting to know each other again, travelling, etc. Now I'm changing focus to being single and being happy, away from a lying cheating husband.
Put the internet to work for you.
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