Hello, I am new here and like most people, never thought there wasn't anything life could throw at me that I could not deal with myself. However I would like to appeal to those that can offer advice. I promise to listen and probably make excuses not to follow the advice but at least I am honest. hopefully someone's words will affect me enough to make better decisions.
The dilemma I have is quite complex in history but all boils down to dealing with infidelity. I have been seeing a man since 2010 that I was once engaged to over 20 years ago when I was 16. long story short, I loved him like no other and made a bad decision to break it off with him all those years ago. In the 20 years I have loved and lost but never quite like him. I have a certain guilt from our break up that as a Catholic I will carry forever. I was pregnant and he was a teenage alcoholic. I chose not to have the child and left him. I went on to college and live the life I felt at such a young age I should be living. I eventually met someone and had a child yet I have avoided marriage 3 times in those 20 years. For background, every man I had dated or been with since him had cheated either with a minor, or another woman or even a man. I heard this man's voice on the phone after 20 years and jumped at the chance to be with him since in my heart he had never cheated and his o nly crime was having a lack of motivation and drinking problem. We met for coffee and discussed our current relationships with our partners. However I had already been honest with my partner and told him that since I was willing to meet with another man without knowing where it would go was proof enough that our relationship was over. Unfortunately this man from my past had been spending the better part of trying to free himself of his relationship with a very dependent woman. they were never married and had no children however they were together and shared a home legally together for 16 years. He told me that after we just met again old feelings were back and he needed to go home and finalize his break up. I think we all know how this goes. After 4 and a half years of him jumping between my bed and hers because he "felt so badly", she finally left him and now he is all mine. What a prize. During this 4 years he has done some of the most disgusting things imaginable. cheate d with his ex entire time and picked up a waitress and went home with her for the night, has had terrible boughts with drinking and drugs (doctor prescribed ambien) not to mention giving his phone number out to a cab driver that was about 15 years younger than us and gets nude photos of her sent to his phone, as well as a slew of sex site accounts he set up that he claims the guys at work did on his computer... he has now claimed to be faithful for the last 10 months and only drinks about once a month however I just can't live like this. I am always looking over my shoulder. he has secrets and hides or locks me out of his phone and any of our mutual friends we had from our past have been convinced by him not to talk to me or give me any information about his whereabouts when he says he is at their house. When we argue and I bring up the reasons why I want him to help me earn back his trust I am told that I just need to get over it. Anyone got any advice? There is so much mo re that has happened but not sure anyone has the patience to listen or even wants to :(
The dilemma I have is quite complex in history but all boils down to dealing with infidelity. I have been seeing a man since 2010 that I was once engaged to over 20 years ago when I was 16. long story short, I loved him like no other and made a bad decision to break it off with him all those years ago. In the 20 years I have loved and lost but never quite like him. I have a certain guilt from our break up that as a Catholic I will carry forever. I was pregnant and he was a teenage alcoholic. I chose not to have the child and left him. I went on to college and live the life I felt at such a young age I should be living. I eventually met someone and had a child yet I have avoided marriage 3 times in those 20 years. For background, every man I had dated or been with since him had cheated either with a minor, or another woman or even a man. I heard this man's voice on the phone after 20 years and jumped at the chance to be with him since in my heart he had never cheated and his o nly crime was having a lack of motivation and drinking problem. We met for coffee and discussed our current relationships with our partners. However I had already been honest with my partner and told him that since I was willing to meet with another man without knowing where it would go was proof enough that our relationship was over. Unfortunately this man from my past had been spending the better part of trying to free himself of his relationship with a very dependent woman. they were never married and had no children however they were together and shared a home legally together for 16 years. He told me that after we just met again old feelings were back and he needed to go home and finalize his break up. I think we all know how this goes. After 4 and a half years of him jumping between my bed and hers because he "felt so badly", she finally left him and now he is all mine. What a prize. During this 4 years he has done some of the most disgusting things imaginable. cheate d with his ex entire time and picked up a waitress and went home with her for the night, has had terrible boughts with drinking and drugs (doctor prescribed ambien) not to mention giving his phone number out to a cab driver that was about 15 years younger than us and gets nude photos of her sent to his phone, as well as a slew of sex site accounts he set up that he claims the guys at work did on his computer... he has now claimed to be faithful for the last 10 months and only drinks about once a month however I just can't live like this. I am always looking over my shoulder. he has secrets and hides or locks me out of his phone and any of our mutual friends we had from our past have been convinced by him not to talk to me or give me any information about his whereabouts when he says he is at their house. When we argue and I bring up the reasons why I want him to help me earn back his trust I am told that I just need to get over it. Anyone got any advice? There is so much mo re that has happened but not sure anyone has the patience to listen or even wants to :(
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