I'm mainly intrigued by female answers on this topic.
I'll try and set the background.
Imagine someone you see regularly in a place you frequent, you don't see them beyond that. You have a friendly connection, but a bit more, that has gone slightly beyond just pure business, initiated by them but you are happy with it, and you like each other, smiles and all that, there is clearly some attraction, Now, I think most guys nowadays take as a given that in anything up to a serious stage with a woman, anything only knowing each other a bit, she can have options talk and flirt with other guys etc ie you know each other superficially but there is an instinctive connection that you feel could go further if you wanted to see her outside that context. Now it's natural that with a woman and guy in this situation, that her options are open, even if she makes the effort to be extra friendly when she does see you. I've no problem with this clearly, as I am generous and a not very jealous person, and it's all I'd expect. So why, with a realisation of power imbalance, feel tha t is so unchivalrous to spot or talk to other attractive women in her vicinity, feel so guilty about it, and feel in some deep subconscious way like I will pay for it.
Is it just because women have to have more options because they get more insecure and jealous.? I just feel like it's always terrible what a guy does nowadays, but they can have their options.
Today, I couldn't help, as she was in the back distance a bit, seeing a very attractive woman with a great body, but I was straining my neck literally to try not to look, and she sensed my attention being on this woman. Then I looked at her. I'm not saying she looked at me nastily, she didn't, it was neutral, but I still felt guilty for doing this with no established relationship with her, when she woudn't with another guy. That said she does tend to be more focused on me when I'm in the physical vicinity, but I mean early on knowing me a bit, with online and stuff. But then maybe online is different 'cos people see it as a separate context, and it is confusing the whole social sphere.
But to women especially, have you noticed this mild double standard? Does it feature when you are like this with a guy(s)? Be totally honest, are you happy with exact level playing field in this way, or are you more jealous?
Do you think I am hard on myself to feel this way?
In your personal experience might it be that I feel guilty because I do have feelings for her, or is it because I think she will punish me for it, in some subconscious, abstract way?(bear in mind she doesn't display and jealousy or displeasure, just neutral at me looking at a woman-this time)
Put the internet to work for you.
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