I Came here to collect opinions, I want to check it against my thinking, Thanks
First just the facts, as best they can be called that.
Son, age 26 is in grad school. He broke up with his old girlfriend in February of this year. She was a Chinese foreign national and she went to his school. They saw each other about 2 years, during which he mentioned the possibility of marriage but there was no discussion of kids. His current fiancee just finished law school last year, she lives about 100 miles from him, they met online in February-March time frame. She is also a Chinese foreign national here on an H1B visa and has a job as an attorney. She is 31 years old and says she will have 2 kids in the next 5 years with or without my son, even if she has to have in-vitreo fertilization and go it alone. She has also expressed strong desire to be an American citizen.
They plan on a Chinese wedding in January, an American one next summer, and that would be about the same time my son could be defending his PhD thesis if all goes well. They plan on living apart right where they are after the Chinese wedding, I am not sure what the plan is after the American one. She claims that she can get a job anywhere as a patent attorney and will move where ever my son's unknown job-to-be takes him. They also said they want to space the kids 4 years apart, that means first child will be within the next 18 months approximately.
Now these are what I also consider relevant 'facts', but not things you can absolutely say about this situation. Please correct them if wrong:
1. Chinese women have been having anchor babies in the US, that is if they give birth here, then the child is automatically a citizen and they cannot be deported.
2. Foreign nationals have more rights in a divorce from an American than Americans do, IF they stay here.
3. Cross-culture marriages are more challenging than mono-culture marriages
4. People generally have 3 stages of love. The first two are bio-chemical based, the last stage is a more rational bond based on mutual respect, trust, and life interests. Statistical studies have shown that the majority of lasting marriages are formed when the engagement process is about two years long, which nicely matches the estimated time for the bio-chemical stage to settle down. The same studies show that courtships lasting less than a year have the highest rates of divorce.
I met the fiancée once just last weekend. She is a nice enough woman, very outgoing, intelligent and honest about her intentions, the only issue I have so far is that she likes to dominate conversation and has quick answers for everything. She appears very much like a woman with a plan and likes to be in charge. She didn't ask one single question about me, everything was about either herself, or the topic of babies and childcare.
My son is happy with her, just as he was happy with Chinese girlfriend number one initially. I like seeing my son happy, but I cannot help but see red flags all over the place. What do you see?
First just the facts, as best they can be called that.
Son, age 26 is in grad school. He broke up with his old girlfriend in February of this year. She was a Chinese foreign national and she went to his school. They saw each other about 2 years, during which he mentioned the possibility of marriage but there was no discussion of kids. His current fiancee just finished law school last year, she lives about 100 miles from him, they met online in February-March time frame. She is also a Chinese foreign national here on an H1B visa and has a job as an attorney. She is 31 years old and says she will have 2 kids in the next 5 years with or without my son, even if she has to have in-vitreo fertilization and go it alone. She has also expressed strong desire to be an American citizen.
They plan on a Chinese wedding in January, an American one next summer, and that would be about the same time my son could be defending his PhD thesis if all goes well. They plan on living apart right where they are after the Chinese wedding, I am not sure what the plan is after the American one. She claims that she can get a job anywhere as a patent attorney and will move where ever my son's unknown job-to-be takes him. They also said they want to space the kids 4 years apart, that means first child will be within the next 18 months approximately.
Now these are what I also consider relevant 'facts', but not things you can absolutely say about this situation. Please correct them if wrong:
1. Chinese women have been having anchor babies in the US, that is if they give birth here, then the child is automatically a citizen and they cannot be deported.
2. Foreign nationals have more rights in a divorce from an American than Americans do, IF they stay here.
3. Cross-culture marriages are more challenging than mono-culture marriages
4. People generally have 3 stages of love. The first two are bio-chemical based, the last stage is a more rational bond based on mutual respect, trust, and life interests. Statistical studies have shown that the majority of lasting marriages are formed when the engagement process is about two years long, which nicely matches the estimated time for the bio-chemical stage to settle down. The same studies show that courtships lasting less than a year have the highest rates of divorce.
I met the fiancée once just last weekend. She is a nice enough woman, very outgoing, intelligent and honest about her intentions, the only issue I have so far is that she likes to dominate conversation and has quick answers for everything. She appears very much like a woman with a plan and likes to be in charge. She didn't ask one single question about me, everything was about either herself, or the topic of babies and childcare.
My son is happy with her, just as he was happy with Chinese girlfriend number one initially. I like seeing my son happy, but I cannot help but see red flags all over the place. What do you see?
Put the internet to work for you.
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