We were best friends for about a year. I fell in love with her but only told her when I was moving to a different city. She rejected me (probably due to looks and she does not like some of my personality). The long distance probably contributed too. I really loved her as a friend.
Anyway, we had problems after I told her my feelings. We cut contact for about 7 months: she started it because she was really angry with how I handled the situation (asking her out and the rejection). During the rejection period, she sounded unsure. Said no, then yes, then no. Then recently, she said that that thought back then was she felt that even if she liked me, the relationship had to be on my terms and she does not like that. I have no idea what her recent statement means but didn't question further because I no longer want any form of drama involving us.
But we started talking recently and met up. I had to do a very nice gesture and contact her for our friendship to come back to normal.
I felt I had lost my feelings for her. But I'm now unsure: I find myself staring at pictures that we took together and think what could have been. However, I have closed my mind to the idea of being with her. I know I will find someone that has mutual love for me.
I was asking myself of how I would feel if she gets her own boyfriend. But then, she is the best female friend that I have ever had (though she has some behavioural and personality traits that I don't like) and I don't want to lose her again. Also, I feel that she could quit being my friend again since she didn't contact me for almost 7 months: I actually ask myself why I made the effort to get back with her - I guess it's because I actually like her as a very good friend.
Please, I need advice on how to deal with this situation. Btw, I'm 20 years old.
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