Hi,
I have been married for 9 years, happily married for 7,5 years. We have no kids and my husband was always been devoted and caring. He didn't drink, never went out at night and we did everything together.
Then, about a year and a half ago, things started changing. He works as a graphic designer and they often have deadlines where they have to work long hours. He started getting really close to some guys at work and they started inviting him out, particularly one guy. He started going to concerts without me, and in the beginning I tolerated it because I get headaches easily and places with loud music don't really help. At first he would only go now and then and always tried to be home around 11.00pm. Then he started going to see bands that start later. After awhile he would come home at 1.00am. The only good thing he did was to always text me and send me pics of where he was at. But regardless, I don't think a good family man should be out by himself at 1.00am (that's what people do when they're single). Soon enough he started going to bars now and then always with the same friend. He never used to drink, but now he does. I have told him more than once that I don't appreciate h im going out with his buddy all the time when we hardly do anything together anymore. I also told him how unhappy this makes me. He always replies that I can always go and enjoy things with him, because he loves music and needs to go out and have fun - even though he never suggests to go out and do anything that I enjoy doing. Now he just wants to go out at night. By the way, he is not a youngster, he is 48 years old.
As if this wasn't enough to upset me, he stopped sleeping in our bed at the end of last year because he said, he keeps waking up in the middle of the night and doesn't want to wake me up. Intimacy has suffered a lot too. Last time anything happened was 4 months ago. I actually confronted him about it, but he always refuses to talk. He basically doesn't want to talk about anything. The worst part is how he treats me. He has this bad habitat of correcting or contradicting everything I say, and likes to say that I interrupt him when he talks, when he does it to me all the time.
I feel that I am walking on eggshells around him and anything can trigger his anger. I am normally a happy bubbly person, but I have become much more quiet since I married him, even before things started going south. I can still be myself around friends and co-workers, but not him.
I work a full time job and take care of the house and yard by myself. He works long hours at his job but doesn't do one thing around the house, and he keeps doing new things to hurt me. Last month he invited a female co worker to go to a concert. He asked if I wanted to go, I didn't. Then I found out he was going with her, on the same day of the concert. She is also married and does work for their company but we had a huge fight about this. Not that I think that there was anything going on, but I don't go out with male friends and do not want him going out with other females. I made that clear to him.
Last but not least, he went on a vacation by himself for 4 days with this male friend (who also has a girlfriend of many years) at the beginning of this year. He begged me to go to a tropical island because he was very tired and needed to relax, even though he knows that I don't like to take vacations in the middle of winter. So, I ended up letting him go. It embarrassed me so much that I made him promise not to post anything about it on Facebook, so that our friends and family wouldn't know how weird things are getting. He never posted anything.
I know what everyone is thinking right now, I went to the low of checking his cell phone but there are no messages or calls to any women, so I do not think he is having an affair, but short of that he is doing everything to make me miserable.
I told him many times that he is hurting me. He always replies that he loves me, and I have nothing to worry about, and nothing changes. Loving someone is to care about their happiness and well being. I don't think what he is doing shows Love by any stretch of the imagination.
I am also not happy at my job right now and told him that I needed his support to figure things out. Yet, he keeps ruining my weekends with petty fights about small things that are not even worth it and talking down on me.
I still love my husband and would do anything to make things better, but I am at loss. I feel that my husband is living is own life, and not at all focused in our marriage or our happiness. I feel extremely unhappy and stressed right now and would really appreciate some outside opinions.
I have been married for 9 years, happily married for 7,5 years. We have no kids and my husband was always been devoted and caring. He didn't drink, never went out at night and we did everything together.
Then, about a year and a half ago, things started changing. He works as a graphic designer and they often have deadlines where they have to work long hours. He started getting really close to some guys at work and they started inviting him out, particularly one guy. He started going to concerts without me, and in the beginning I tolerated it because I get headaches easily and places with loud music don't really help. At first he would only go now and then and always tried to be home around 11.00pm. Then he started going to see bands that start later. After awhile he would come home at 1.00am. The only good thing he did was to always text me and send me pics of where he was at. But regardless, I don't think a good family man should be out by himself at 1.00am (that's what people do when they're single). Soon enough he started going to bars now and then always with the same friend. He never used to drink, but now he does. I have told him more than once that I don't appreciate h im going out with his buddy all the time when we hardly do anything together anymore. I also told him how unhappy this makes me. He always replies that I can always go and enjoy things with him, because he loves music and needs to go out and have fun - even though he never suggests to go out and do anything that I enjoy doing. Now he just wants to go out at night. By the way, he is not a youngster, he is 48 years old.
As if this wasn't enough to upset me, he stopped sleeping in our bed at the end of last year because he said, he keeps waking up in the middle of the night and doesn't want to wake me up. Intimacy has suffered a lot too. Last time anything happened was 4 months ago. I actually confronted him about it, but he always refuses to talk. He basically doesn't want to talk about anything. The worst part is how he treats me. He has this bad habitat of correcting or contradicting everything I say, and likes to say that I interrupt him when he talks, when he does it to me all the time.
I feel that I am walking on eggshells around him and anything can trigger his anger. I am normally a happy bubbly person, but I have become much more quiet since I married him, even before things started going south. I can still be myself around friends and co-workers, but not him.
I work a full time job and take care of the house and yard by myself. He works long hours at his job but doesn't do one thing around the house, and he keeps doing new things to hurt me. Last month he invited a female co worker to go to a concert. He asked if I wanted to go, I didn't. Then I found out he was going with her, on the same day of the concert. She is also married and does work for their company but we had a huge fight about this. Not that I think that there was anything going on, but I don't go out with male friends and do not want him going out with other females. I made that clear to him.
Last but not least, he went on a vacation by himself for 4 days with this male friend (who also has a girlfriend of many years) at the beginning of this year. He begged me to go to a tropical island because he was very tired and needed to relax, even though he knows that I don't like to take vacations in the middle of winter. So, I ended up letting him go. It embarrassed me so much that I made him promise not to post anything about it on Facebook, so that our friends and family wouldn't know how weird things are getting. He never posted anything.
I know what everyone is thinking right now, I went to the low of checking his cell phone but there are no messages or calls to any women, so I do not think he is having an affair, but short of that he is doing everything to make me miserable.
I told him many times that he is hurting me. He always replies that he loves me, and I have nothing to worry about, and nothing changes. Loving someone is to care about their happiness and well being. I don't think what he is doing shows Love by any stretch of the imagination.
I am also not happy at my job right now and told him that I needed his support to figure things out. Yet, he keeps ruining my weekends with petty fights about small things that are not even worth it and talking down on me.
I still love my husband and would do anything to make things better, but I am at loss. I feel that my husband is living is own life, and not at all focused in our marriage or our happiness. I feel extremely unhappy and stressed right now and would really appreciate some outside opinions.
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