I've been together with my wife for 15 years, 5 of those married. My wife and I are 30 and have a 2 year old. We've come to a point where I don't see anything good about this relationship, I feel its like poison, corroding and eating me alive.
I ask myself every day what is it that my wife brings to our relationship but I keep getting a blank. Everything just feels one sided and I'm the side that's giving and not receiving.
Sex, nowhere to be seen. Maybe, just maybe once every other month and its terrible for me. We always, ALWAYS start off with me first giving her an orgasm and when she is done then comes intercourse. Problem is it doesn't last not even 5 minutes. She always find a reason to complaint, "oh I'm tired, hurry up", "don't touch me with dirty hands", "I'm not going to move", on and on to the point where we just stop, fight and I have to go and finish by myself.
If it were only sex.
No matter what I do its never enough, to the point where she says I'm trying to sabbotage her. For example last night she went to get a shower and our son woke up when she turned on the shower and started crying. I inmediately went to him to console him and try to get him back to sleep but according to her I woke him on purpose, made him cry and ignored him for I don't know what reason.
Everything is on my plate. I go out to work, get home to figure out what everyone is going to eat, so I have to either cook or order delivery, she never cooks, maybe once or twice a year. I then have to do all the dishes because again she won't do it, I do all the laundry, all the grocery shopping, cleaning, organizing, take our son to the playground, so on and so forth. Any and every home chore you can count on me doing it.
Her excuse is that she cares for our son all day while I'm at work, and I understand that but the problem is that this didn't start with the birth of our son, this is something thats been going on for many years, since we live together which is 6 years now.
Worst of all is the fact that she doesn't trust me. I feel everyday like I'm paying for something she thinks or fears I've done or are doing but I've never actually done. I don't cheat and yet she treats me like a cheater. All I try to do is help her and understand her and yet she sees me like someone who is trying to hurt her at every possible turn, like I wake up and think "how am I going to hurt her today?"
And yet every time she pulls me back in with promises of sex or that she will hurt herself, even going so far as saying that if she kills herself she will kill our son with her.
I have to add that I'm not the best or perfect husband but I try to be the best possible I can. I don't even have friends, zero friends. I go to work and come back home. I don't go out, I don't drink, never cheated, never raise my hand againt her and do more than anyone could expect in a relationship.
I do yell and raise my voice when I'm angry though.
But her? She is even going out of the country with friends for a week on vacation while our son and I stay home, and I'm paying for the trip.
Yet every day she makes me feel like the worst husband ever.
I don't know how to proceed. I've thought about divorse but I'm scared of it, of the expense, of the emotional trauma, even of how she will fair after the divorce.
I need some advice as I can see the end of my rope getting closer.
I ask myself every day what is it that my wife brings to our relationship but I keep getting a blank. Everything just feels one sided and I'm the side that's giving and not receiving.
Sex, nowhere to be seen. Maybe, just maybe once every other month and its terrible for me. We always, ALWAYS start off with me first giving her an orgasm and when she is done then comes intercourse. Problem is it doesn't last not even 5 minutes. She always find a reason to complaint, "oh I'm tired, hurry up", "don't touch me with dirty hands", "I'm not going to move", on and on to the point where we just stop, fight and I have to go and finish by myself.
If it were only sex.
No matter what I do its never enough, to the point where she says I'm trying to sabbotage her. For example last night she went to get a shower and our son woke up when she turned on the shower and started crying. I inmediately went to him to console him and try to get him back to sleep but according to her I woke him on purpose, made him cry and ignored him for I don't know what reason.
Everything is on my plate. I go out to work, get home to figure out what everyone is going to eat, so I have to either cook or order delivery, she never cooks, maybe once or twice a year. I then have to do all the dishes because again she won't do it, I do all the laundry, all the grocery shopping, cleaning, organizing, take our son to the playground, so on and so forth. Any and every home chore you can count on me doing it.
Her excuse is that she cares for our son all day while I'm at work, and I understand that but the problem is that this didn't start with the birth of our son, this is something thats been going on for many years, since we live together which is 6 years now.
Worst of all is the fact that she doesn't trust me. I feel everyday like I'm paying for something she thinks or fears I've done or are doing but I've never actually done. I don't cheat and yet she treats me like a cheater. All I try to do is help her and understand her and yet she sees me like someone who is trying to hurt her at every possible turn, like I wake up and think "how am I going to hurt her today?"
And yet every time she pulls me back in with promises of sex or that she will hurt herself, even going so far as saying that if she kills herself she will kill our son with her.
I have to add that I'm not the best or perfect husband but I try to be the best possible I can. I don't even have friends, zero friends. I go to work and come back home. I don't go out, I don't drink, never cheated, never raise my hand againt her and do more than anyone could expect in a relationship.
I do yell and raise my voice when I'm angry though.
But her? She is even going out of the country with friends for a week on vacation while our son and I stay home, and I'm paying for the trip.
Yet every day she makes me feel like the worst husband ever.
I don't know how to proceed. I've thought about divorse but I'm scared of it, of the expense, of the emotional trauma, even of how she will fair after the divorce.
I need some advice as I can see the end of my rope getting closer.
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