Okay, here's the deal... We've been married for 15 yrs w/5 kids. I had suspected for many years that 'something' wasn't right, but I didn't have any proof. Although I would confront him on many occasions regarding certain things that were amiss in our marriage, he would reassure me, blame me or whatever, and I never researched further. (Stupid, I know.) Before the recent holidays, I checked my husband's phone and found a voicemail from a co-worker, a married woman w/ children. I had suspected for many years that 'something' wasn't right, but I didn't have any proof. I had even gone to counseling (after marriage counseling failed a few years ago) to learn how to love & respect him while in a loveless marriage.
After much research & disclosure: They had been in an extensive EA/PA, daily, for at least 6 YEARS! After I confronted him, he ended things via email with her that weekend and has been striving to be honest, transparent and save our marriage. He's been affectionate, thoughtful, engaged and well, everything he hasn't been prior. I've never seen this part of him - ever.
If I didn't find that voicemail, they probably would've continued. One moment he is content in their fantasy adulterous affair & lying to me repeatedly... but once I find out, he decides he really does want me after all these years. Not sure what to believe. I question if he is just not wanting the divorce.
He's doing everything he can to keep me, including MC & IC. I would love to be loved by him, if this new person is really who he is. BUT I don't even KNOW him apparently, and I don't know that I can get passed all that he has done. I do feel like I need to TRY to work through this and see what God can do in our lives before I just give up.
Has anyone attended Family Dynamics Institute's... A New Beginning seminars???
I have read a lot on the internet about affairs. I have yet to find an affair recovery based on this same intensity and length of time. Anyone??
Also, I'm getting mixed counsel about him changing jobs due to the co-worker. Stay at the job to focus on R or move? If we move and change jobs, some say it will interfere w/ R bc of the new stresses. Yet, every morning, I wonder if she or he will start this again without my knowledge and anxiety gets the best of me.
(btw, I can't stay in this city - too many triggers with all of their lunches and nooners.) How do I choose to move with him when I'm not sure this "new person" he is showing is legit?
Thanks, in advance...
After much research & disclosure: They had been in an extensive EA/PA, daily, for at least 6 YEARS! After I confronted him, he ended things via email with her that weekend and has been striving to be honest, transparent and save our marriage. He's been affectionate, thoughtful, engaged and well, everything he hasn't been prior. I've never seen this part of him - ever.
If I didn't find that voicemail, they probably would've continued. One moment he is content in their fantasy adulterous affair & lying to me repeatedly... but once I find out, he decides he really does want me after all these years. Not sure what to believe. I question if he is just not wanting the divorce.
He's doing everything he can to keep me, including MC & IC. I would love to be loved by him, if this new person is really who he is. BUT I don't even KNOW him apparently, and I don't know that I can get passed all that he has done. I do feel like I need to TRY to work through this and see what God can do in our lives before I just give up.
Has anyone attended Family Dynamics Institute's... A New Beginning seminars???
I have read a lot on the internet about affairs. I have yet to find an affair recovery based on this same intensity and length of time. Anyone??
Also, I'm getting mixed counsel about him changing jobs due to the co-worker. Stay at the job to focus on R or move? If we move and change jobs, some say it will interfere w/ R bc of the new stresses. Yet, every morning, I wonder if she or he will start this again without my knowledge and anxiety gets the best of me.
(btw, I can't stay in this city - too many triggers with all of their lunches and nooners.) How do I choose to move with him when I'm not sure this "new person" he is showing is legit?
Thanks, in advance...
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