The below are two separate posts on Reddit's /r/divorce page. I was directed here for more advice.
2/10/2015: Wherein I learn she doesn't love me.
Pretty much since we got engaged, my wife has been unable to work or go to school due her fibromyalgia. We saw a doctor who prescribed her an ungodly amount of different medicines to take, and even though she wasn't improving appreciably, I pushed her to continue and give it time.
She eventually stopped taking the medicine, and the withdrawals were horrible, and she believes (probably correctly) that the medicine & withdrawals made her worse off. She subsequently lost her sex drive completely and we went almost a year without having sex.
We moved to her home state where I attended law school. Things were rocky, we each bore resentment towards each other, her because I pushed her so hard to try and get better, and complained too much about her health and general inactivity, and me because I felt like she'd given up on getting better, and spent all day playing video games.
During an interglacial period in the marriage she got pregnant, and we now have a 2 year old little girl.
Now it's to the point where I stress her out just by being around, because I'll run around and clean up the house as soon as get home, and I ask her why she hasn't done this or that. She kind of shuts down and doesn't want to do anything because everything I ask of her is stressful.
She's a great mom, she's really funny, has a great, irreverent sense of humor, and is very beautiful, but she doesn't seem to want to be around me anymore because I make her feel like a disappointment.
To be honest, I had been somewhat disappointed by the fact that she hasn't worked or gone to school in 6 years, and that we don't spend one-on-one time together. I don't really like the version of her I've been living with, but I love the version I married, and want to get that back.
She started seeing a counselor 4 months ago at my request, and I just started seeing one a few weeks ago. I went out of town for a week, and after I returned, I noticed that she was acting different, a little more casual and lighter in mood, so I mentioned that she seemed different, and asked why. Apparently she realized shortly after I started counseling that she's not in love with me any more, and my week away made her appreciate my absence. I guess she stopped stressing out so much once she realized she didn't love me, and could survive on her own... I don't suspect her of cheating or anything, because she's sick and has a child with her at all times, but I think she has online gamer friends with whom she's developed close relationships and chats with frequently.
I know this happened because we essentially stopped trying, stopped spending time together, and stopped any and all forms of intimacy. Now she thinks it would be best if we just divorced and found new people. I strongly oppose the idea, largely because I genuinely believe our daughter deserves to be raised in a home with both her parents. But also because I do still love her, and want to try to rebuild our relationship.
I know people can mitigate the effects of divorce on kids, especially very young ones, but I don't think there are any guarantees, and I worry about the stability of our future relationships, step-parents/siblings, etc.
I also love my wife, and would feel robbed of the opportunity to have the kind of relationship I've always wanted with her. But I also don't want to be endlessly chasing someone who has already emotionally moved on from me. She said she's willing to think about it and see our counselor together, but she is pretty set on the idea.
2/11/2015: Wherein I learn about the online affair
So things were fine last night between us, she was nice, I was nice, no issues. I've still been very suspicious that something is going on behind the scenes, and the most likely was an online affair.
This morning, while she was in the kitchen, I was bringing a load of laundry into the bedroom and noticed her computer open. I looked at it and saw a Skype tab. Very suspicious as we never Skype except the one time I was away.
I clicked it and saw a very sexually explicit chat conversation with another guy. World rocked, I scrolled up a little bit and saw an extensive sexual conversation that went from yesterday, and based on the size of the scroll bar, far into the past several days or weeks.
I dropped the laundry and walked into the kitchen in a daze, and asked, "Who's (Skype Username)?" She tried to play dumb for a moment, but looked down and spilled it.
Apparently she told this guy she'd been talking to for months that she was planning on getting a separation (this is well before she told me), he revealed his feelings, and they professed their undying love and/or desire to bang for each other. They want to marry each other.
The sexting has all been going on while our 2 year old is sleeping next to her in bed.
At this point I'm sure she's thrilled I found out, she seems totally checked out of the relationship right now. I don't think anything is salvageable at this point, and I worry like crazy because our daughter is going to suffer.
EDIT: The POS she's chatting with is in Australia. Oh, and he's 30 and lives with his mom.
2/10/2015: Wherein I learn she doesn't love me.
Pretty much since we got engaged, my wife has been unable to work or go to school due her fibromyalgia. We saw a doctor who prescribed her an ungodly amount of different medicines to take, and even though she wasn't improving appreciably, I pushed her to continue and give it time.
She eventually stopped taking the medicine, and the withdrawals were horrible, and she believes (probably correctly) that the medicine & withdrawals made her worse off. She subsequently lost her sex drive completely and we went almost a year without having sex.
We moved to her home state where I attended law school. Things were rocky, we each bore resentment towards each other, her because I pushed her so hard to try and get better, and complained too much about her health and general inactivity, and me because I felt like she'd given up on getting better, and spent all day playing video games.
During an interglacial period in the marriage she got pregnant, and we now have a 2 year old little girl.
Now it's to the point where I stress her out just by being around, because I'll run around and clean up the house as soon as get home, and I ask her why she hasn't done this or that. She kind of shuts down and doesn't want to do anything because everything I ask of her is stressful.
She's a great mom, she's really funny, has a great, irreverent sense of humor, and is very beautiful, but she doesn't seem to want to be around me anymore because I make her feel like a disappointment.
To be honest, I had been somewhat disappointed by the fact that she hasn't worked or gone to school in 6 years, and that we don't spend one-on-one time together. I don't really like the version of her I've been living with, but I love the version I married, and want to get that back.
She started seeing a counselor 4 months ago at my request, and I just started seeing one a few weeks ago. I went out of town for a week, and after I returned, I noticed that she was acting different, a little more casual and lighter in mood, so I mentioned that she seemed different, and asked why. Apparently she realized shortly after I started counseling that she's not in love with me any more, and my week away made her appreciate my absence. I guess she stopped stressing out so much once she realized she didn't love me, and could survive on her own... I don't suspect her of cheating or anything, because she's sick and has a child with her at all times, but I think she has online gamer friends with whom she's developed close relationships and chats with frequently.
I know this happened because we essentially stopped trying, stopped spending time together, and stopped any and all forms of intimacy. Now she thinks it would be best if we just divorced and found new people. I strongly oppose the idea, largely because I genuinely believe our daughter deserves to be raised in a home with both her parents. But also because I do still love her, and want to try to rebuild our relationship.
I know people can mitigate the effects of divorce on kids, especially very young ones, but I don't think there are any guarantees, and I worry about the stability of our future relationships, step-parents/siblings, etc.
I also love my wife, and would feel robbed of the opportunity to have the kind of relationship I've always wanted with her. But I also don't want to be endlessly chasing someone who has already emotionally moved on from me. She said she's willing to think about it and see our counselor together, but she is pretty set on the idea.
2/11/2015: Wherein I learn about the online affair
So things were fine last night between us, she was nice, I was nice, no issues. I've still been very suspicious that something is going on behind the scenes, and the most likely was an online affair.
This morning, while she was in the kitchen, I was bringing a load of laundry into the bedroom and noticed her computer open. I looked at it and saw a Skype tab. Very suspicious as we never Skype except the one time I was away.
I clicked it and saw a very sexually explicit chat conversation with another guy. World rocked, I scrolled up a little bit and saw an extensive sexual conversation that went from yesterday, and based on the size of the scroll bar, far into the past several days or weeks.
I dropped the laundry and walked into the kitchen in a daze, and asked, "Who's (Skype Username)?" She tried to play dumb for a moment, but looked down and spilled it.
Apparently she told this guy she'd been talking to for months that she was planning on getting a separation (this is well before she told me), he revealed his feelings, and they professed their undying love and/or desire to bang for each other. They want to marry each other.
The sexting has all been going on while our 2 year old is sleeping next to her in bed.
At this point I'm sure she's thrilled I found out, she seems totally checked out of the relationship right now. I don't think anything is salvageable at this point, and I worry like crazy because our daughter is going to suffer.
EDIT: The POS she's chatting with is in Australia. Oh, and he's 30 and lives with his mom.
Put the internet to work for you.
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