I'm going to admit its been quite a while since I've been on here, let alone posted anything. Its now been a full year my wife and I have been separated and yet to divorce. I'm military stationed overseas and she doesn't want to return home (not because of me, but from friends she's made and both kids are in a really good local school). I tried to move out a few months ago and she was supposed to find a small place for herself, but as usual she splurged what money she had on BS and ended up moving in with me. I've tried on countless occasions to give her her time and space as she requested, but it never worked out to be more than just a few days at a time where I'd stay in a hotel. I've greatly improved who I was yet still do struggle in some aspects such as my anger. Now I'm not talking anything violet but things can set me off quite easily, but I've been going to a group to try and work on it.
Most common mistake I've made is here and there we'd talk, something would spark the conversation and it, or I would lead it down the road of giving us a chance. We are great friends and the way we talk, treat and think of each other are no different than a married couple. Except the only thing missing with us is the "marriage" part, and physical aspect, holding hands, kissing, sleeping together. I keep thinking there are things I can do to make it better, but I usually end up failing and it back fires in my face. I bought her a 200eruo bracelet a month ago and (although I don't care that much) she hasn't told anyone she received it from me; namely the people who know our situation. I have so much **** going through my head I cant tell what is up and down anymore. She has said several times its over and she wants a divorce, but she hasn't even looked into Step 1. I don't know if its because doing so would void her visa and she'd have to head back to the states…or the more unlikely notion, she's not 100% sure she wants to divorce. She has said a few times maybe things can work, but than in the same conversation, she retracts the statement. I love her dearly, and don't want to "let go", not to mention our kids, but that's a given. And for me she is the most important thing in my life.
I find myself looking at dating sites wondering if I should try to date since I know she has (not as revenge/jealous act), I find myself almost wanting just that feeling of someone enjoying being around me. Wife sends such ****ed up mixed signals, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her, not knowing if my next comment or topic will lead to an argument.
I guess what's why I'm typing here. I really have almost no one I can really talk to, and I just really want to vent and get my thoughts and emotions out there.
Here's a link to my last post..
http://ift.tt/1Bl7pg8
Most common mistake I've made is here and there we'd talk, something would spark the conversation and it, or I would lead it down the road of giving us a chance. We are great friends and the way we talk, treat and think of each other are no different than a married couple. Except the only thing missing with us is the "marriage" part, and physical aspect, holding hands, kissing, sleeping together. I keep thinking there are things I can do to make it better, but I usually end up failing and it back fires in my face. I bought her a 200eruo bracelet a month ago and (although I don't care that much) she hasn't told anyone she received it from me; namely the people who know our situation. I have so much **** going through my head I cant tell what is up and down anymore. She has said several times its over and she wants a divorce, but she hasn't even looked into Step 1. I don't know if its because doing so would void her visa and she'd have to head back to the states…or the more unlikely notion, she's not 100% sure she wants to divorce. She has said a few times maybe things can work, but than in the same conversation, she retracts the statement. I love her dearly, and don't want to "let go", not to mention our kids, but that's a given. And for me she is the most important thing in my life.
I find myself looking at dating sites wondering if I should try to date since I know she has (not as revenge/jealous act), I find myself almost wanting just that feeling of someone enjoying being around me. Wife sends such ****ed up mixed signals, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her, not knowing if my next comment or topic will lead to an argument.
I guess what's why I'm typing here. I really have almost no one I can really talk to, and I just really want to vent and get my thoughts and emotions out there.
Here's a link to my last post..
http://ift.tt/1Bl7pg8
Put the internet to work for you.
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