So to make a long story short, I was caught being too flirty and close to one of my good friends about 2+ years ago. My marriage always appeared happy, but my wife was always jealous of everything and kind of made me feel bad about anything regarding other women. She'd get mad when boobs popped up in movies, or victoria secret commercials came on, and god forbid there be any porn in the web history, or that the history be deleted. Anyways, this is what made us grow apart and in came this new person in my life
It started off as just friends and after my wife and I started to slowly break up, I got close to this girl very quickly. She described me as someone she has always been looking for, and we have all the same interests. We did get intimate too early which complicated things during my divorce. She didn't want to be seen as a homewrecker so we kept everything pretty private. This was kind of eating away at her though because she wanted to just start a relationship and not have to worry about my baggage. Neither of us have kids or anything and she has never been married. During the holiday season I couldn't see her as much because of seeing friends and family, including my ex's for the last time. Me and my Ex are still good friends and we want to keep in touch time to time since we've been together for a really long time (dated since I was 16 and I'm now 32). We're as happy about the divorce as anyone couple possibly be because we just want to start over and for each othe r to be happy, which we haven't been for 2 years. It's actually a pretty smooth break up.
My divorce is almost final so I decided to start talking about potentially making my new relationship official with the girl I was seeing during my divorce. We still kept in touch almost every day and things seemed just fine like any really good friends even while I wasn't seeing her as much.
Now I can finally see her as much as I want and not really worry about the ramifications and she suddenly told me that the last couple months she has changed and needs to figure out who she wants to be before getting into any relationship whatsoever. She said she loves me and want's to continue to be my best friend (which she truly is) but before getting into any relationship with me she needs time to figure out her own stuff. She even went as far to tell me we can still hang out as we normally did and she still says she loves me, but she doesn't want me to continue doing the "supportive boyfriend" stuff like stopping by randomly to surprise her with stuff, or offer to cook dinner while she's doing her college work. She just wants me to be her best friend and we'll revisit the relationship thing once she figures out who she is. She said a few weeks ago that she wanted space while she was finishing up a really long paper, and I offered to cook for her and clean up when she needed it just so she has a little less to worry about and although she didn't say it bothered her at the time, she later told me she didn't want me doing it unless she tells me to. She said she wants control of everything we do, rather than me just doing it. I must admit I was a little bothered by this at first, but we do see each other a lot. Maybe it was just overwhelming for her since I was going through my tough break up while she was in the background reconnecting with friends. I know who she hangs out with and she's always 100% honest with me so she would tell me if someone else came into the picture.
I guess I'm just worried that maybe she only wants to be friends so that later down the road she can find someone else and hope that we just stay friends, or maybe she really does need a break from relationships because our time together has had its great times and low points because of my divorce. I just really hate the timing of it all. I've never really been through a break up or a new relationship in a while, as you can tell from my 16 year relationship.
Give me hope, or give it to me straight. I'm going back into friend mode at her request, but do we still have a shot? Any idea how long it will take? I'm not going to even bother asking, but I can't wait forever. I love this girl. Thanks everyone!
It started off as just friends and after my wife and I started to slowly break up, I got close to this girl very quickly. She described me as someone she has always been looking for, and we have all the same interests. We did get intimate too early which complicated things during my divorce. She didn't want to be seen as a homewrecker so we kept everything pretty private. This was kind of eating away at her though because she wanted to just start a relationship and not have to worry about my baggage. Neither of us have kids or anything and she has never been married. During the holiday season I couldn't see her as much because of seeing friends and family, including my ex's for the last time. Me and my Ex are still good friends and we want to keep in touch time to time since we've been together for a really long time (dated since I was 16 and I'm now 32). We're as happy about the divorce as anyone couple possibly be because we just want to start over and for each othe r to be happy, which we haven't been for 2 years. It's actually a pretty smooth break up.
My divorce is almost final so I decided to start talking about potentially making my new relationship official with the girl I was seeing during my divorce. We still kept in touch almost every day and things seemed just fine like any really good friends even while I wasn't seeing her as much.
Now I can finally see her as much as I want and not really worry about the ramifications and she suddenly told me that the last couple months she has changed and needs to figure out who she wants to be before getting into any relationship whatsoever. She said she loves me and want's to continue to be my best friend (which she truly is) but before getting into any relationship with me she needs time to figure out her own stuff. She even went as far to tell me we can still hang out as we normally did and she still says she loves me, but she doesn't want me to continue doing the "supportive boyfriend" stuff like stopping by randomly to surprise her with stuff, or offer to cook dinner while she's doing her college work. She just wants me to be her best friend and we'll revisit the relationship thing once she figures out who she is. She said a few weeks ago that she wanted space while she was finishing up a really long paper, and I offered to cook for her and clean up when she needed it just so she has a little less to worry about and although she didn't say it bothered her at the time, she later told me she didn't want me doing it unless she tells me to. She said she wants control of everything we do, rather than me just doing it. I must admit I was a little bothered by this at first, but we do see each other a lot. Maybe it was just overwhelming for her since I was going through my tough break up while she was in the background reconnecting with friends. I know who she hangs out with and she's always 100% honest with me so she would tell me if someone else came into the picture.
I guess I'm just worried that maybe she only wants to be friends so that later down the road she can find someone else and hope that we just stay friends, or maybe she really does need a break from relationships because our time together has had its great times and low points because of my divorce. I just really hate the timing of it all. I've never really been through a break up or a new relationship in a while, as you can tell from my 16 year relationship.
Give me hope, or give it to me straight. I'm going back into friend mode at her request, but do we still have a shot? Any idea how long it will take? I'm not going to even bother asking, but I can't wait forever. I love this girl. Thanks everyone!
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