I became a permanent resident of Canada through marriage and moved from Arizona to British Columbia to live with my husband. We met in Alaska in the summer of 2008 and maintained a long distance relationship for 3 years before getting married in Canada in September of 2011.
After a long immigration process, we are finally together, but we are having a hard time agreeing on how often to fly back to Arizona together to visit my family, who I am very close with. I am fine with making some visits alone. We are both independent adults - I don't need him to come with me every time. But how often can I expect him to come with me?
My immediate family is quite large between divorced parents, their spouses, natural siblings, step siblings and their kids. None of them have disposable income to travel on right now, and they all live in one city. We don't have disposable income either - he's on student loans and my work hours are only part time, so financially its difficult for everyone, but its still logistically easier for us to go to them.
I have offered to cover the flight and the hotel bill entirely for the next visit so nothing comes out of my husband's pocket while he's in school. I also am not asking him to miss any school. The trip will be either his winter break or his reading week break. I am still being met with disagreement and concerns about time management stress.
On one hand, I fully expect him to understand what he committed to by marrying someone who came a long way to be with him. I expect him to come with me to AZ, and I made it clear at the beginning of the marriage that if trips to AZ got put on the financial chopping block, it would be a big problem.
On the other hand, with him being a student, I understand that it is also a matter of how much financial and time obligation he is able to take on. The travel expenses from British Columbia to AZ are not small, by anyone's standards. He can't work while he's in school, so he is almost completely student loan dependent, except for some seasonal summer work. I know he wants to travel, and I know he is also passing on visits to his brother in Alberta because of school. I know he is not deliberately avoiding my family. He likes all of them and speaks highly of them and enjoys the visits we have had together. It all has to do with his personal stress over school and money.
It is a serious concern to our marriage. My family misses me and wants a relationship with my new husband, and when he is reluctant to make the visit to them I feel like they are sad, and I feel caught in the middle. But I also know that this is a complex problem without an easy solution and it would be difficult for anyone to resolve. There is no rule book. Its just what I think vs. what he thinks. All I want is to make good choices for all my relationships, but I just don't know how to balance this, I don't know where to draw boundaries, and I don't know what is fair to expect from him.
Any advice helps. Thank you so much!
After a long immigration process, we are finally together, but we are having a hard time agreeing on how often to fly back to Arizona together to visit my family, who I am very close with. I am fine with making some visits alone. We are both independent adults - I don't need him to come with me every time. But how often can I expect him to come with me?
My immediate family is quite large between divorced parents, their spouses, natural siblings, step siblings and their kids. None of them have disposable income to travel on right now, and they all live in one city. We don't have disposable income either - he's on student loans and my work hours are only part time, so financially its difficult for everyone, but its still logistically easier for us to go to them.
I have offered to cover the flight and the hotel bill entirely for the next visit so nothing comes out of my husband's pocket while he's in school. I also am not asking him to miss any school. The trip will be either his winter break or his reading week break. I am still being met with disagreement and concerns about time management stress.
On one hand, I fully expect him to understand what he committed to by marrying someone who came a long way to be with him. I expect him to come with me to AZ, and I made it clear at the beginning of the marriage that if trips to AZ got put on the financial chopping block, it would be a big problem.
On the other hand, with him being a student, I understand that it is also a matter of how much financial and time obligation he is able to take on. The travel expenses from British Columbia to AZ are not small, by anyone's standards. He can't work while he's in school, so he is almost completely student loan dependent, except for some seasonal summer work. I know he wants to travel, and I know he is also passing on visits to his brother in Alberta because of school. I know he is not deliberately avoiding my family. He likes all of them and speaks highly of them and enjoys the visits we have had together. It all has to do with his personal stress over school and money.
It is a serious concern to our marriage. My family misses me and wants a relationship with my new husband, and when he is reluctant to make the visit to them I feel like they are sad, and I feel caught in the middle. But I also know that this is a complex problem without an easy solution and it would be difficult for anyone to resolve. There is no rule book. Its just what I think vs. what he thinks. All I want is to make good choices for all my relationships, but I just don't know how to balance this, I don't know where to draw boundaries, and I don't know what is fair to expect from him.
Any advice helps. Thank you so much!
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