My husband had to work over Christmas. We always go to my family, couple hours away, because we hire a Santa who comes Christmas Eve, my daughters get to see their cousins, it's a great time and all they've ever known. Anyway, he had to work and couldn't go. I said we'd stay home & have our own Christmas. He declined because it's more about our girls and they'd be heartbroken. After Christmas, at his insistence, I took our girls skiing for two weeks with my family as usual. Since H and I were having trouble I thought it would be good to have some time away and gain perspective.
I'm afraid of the perspective I've found.
I didn't miss him. He called to talk to the girls 3 times in 17 days, although we texted daily. He called me once to yell at me because I spent a little bit of money and didn't give him a heads up. I found myself crying for the 3 days before coming home because I was dreading it. Most importantly...I got home last night, unpacked, kids fed, to bed, and ready for school today...he was in bed asleep already. I snuggle up (because I know if he doesn't get "something" after being away this long it will cause a fight), he gets what he wants (even tho I had no desire) and we start to chat. I'm telling him about our trip & how our youngest was difficult and I get a few grunts in reply. I figure since he was asleep when I came to bed & has to work early he is tired and trying to stay awake for me. So I tell him...you're falling asleep, we can chat tomorrow. His reply...."I'm not falling asleep. I'm just not interested."
WTF????
For the first time in our 16 years I wasn't angry or pissed. I got up, she'd a few tears in the bathroom, took a sleeping pill & went to sleep while he rolled over & watched the iPad. I've been trying, probably for too long, to hold this together for our daughters. If I leave he has no one. Literally, no one. He doesn't like his family & barely speaks to them. We cannot afford to separate, divorce, and cover two households. He tanked his career two years ago and we have been behind the 8 ball since.
The thing that scares me is I feel nothing.
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I'm afraid of the perspective I've found.
I didn't miss him. He called to talk to the girls 3 times in 17 days, although we texted daily. He called me once to yell at me because I spent a little bit of money and didn't give him a heads up. I found myself crying for the 3 days before coming home because I was dreading it. Most importantly...I got home last night, unpacked, kids fed, to bed, and ready for school today...he was in bed asleep already. I snuggle up (because I know if he doesn't get "something" after being away this long it will cause a fight), he gets what he wants (even tho I had no desire) and we start to chat. I'm telling him about our trip & how our youngest was difficult and I get a few grunts in reply. I figure since he was asleep when I came to bed & has to work early he is tired and trying to stay awake for me. So I tell him...you're falling asleep, we can chat tomorrow. His reply...."I'm not falling asleep. I'm just not interested."
WTF????
For the first time in our 16 years I wasn't angry or pissed. I got up, she'd a few tears in the bathroom, took a sleeping pill & went to sleep while he rolled over & watched the iPad. I've been trying, probably for too long, to hold this together for our daughters. If I leave he has no one. Literally, no one. He doesn't like his family & barely speaks to them. We cannot afford to separate, divorce, and cover two households. He tanked his career two years ago and we have been behind the 8 ball since.
The thing that scares me is I feel nothing.
Posted via Mobile Device
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