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I am a total ditz with relationships - fwb situation mistake.

Basically, I got along very well with a girl in university and we kissed a lot in the times we went on nights out, we also had a friends with benefits thing going on. Then we drifted away and graduated, I quickly forgot about her, I didn't even think about her to be honest. Then recently we got in contact again after months of no contact. Today we ended up having sex and I already knew tbh that I fancied the hell out of her. She is just so ****ing right for me personality wise, like we just really click as she is quirky but very affectionate and charming. We were just kissing each other in bed for a long while and you know, just being very un-fwb. Then the wine, i drank too much.

In my relationship-phobe ineptitude, as I was leaving the house, I reverted to type and awkwardly blurted out that i want to focus more on fewer girls these days rather than more fwb. And that i want to see her again. I have been so used to having fwb and one night stands that i just don't know how to react in situations like this when i actually like a girl. It was totally accidental as it is usually the type of thing i say then don't give a damn about as i don't really care about the other girls i have been with. It is a defense mechanism i have to avoid actually liking a girl enough to see her again.

As i realised what i had said (basically that i sleep with girls and then never contact them again, but wanted her to be one of my main friends with benefits that i see again) i was awkward as **** , like it was a totally idiotic thing to say because she is very affectionate with me and her personality is very endearing. She simply replied and looked angry "Well, don't be shy now, bye".

I don't even know how to characterise all of this. Usually when i drink a bit too much i just revert to saying dickhead things like that, but even for me it was pretty damn bad. It was me basically telling a girl i liked her after telling her i don't contact girls twice after sex and that i want her to be a concubine. ****, stupid situation.

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