So...I am feeling TREMENDOUSLY betrayed...and in many ways stunned.
My BPDw...has always been HIGHLY enmeshed to this day to her Mother.
It seems to be a VERY toxic BPD mother to BPD daughter scenario.
As the years go on...that enmeshment has actually flared upward when her BPD has.
I have long known/suspected that she is perhaps talking way too far out of turn about our marriage and me to her.
So - recently - I came home early form work, and could hear her talking on phone upstairs.
The tone and tenor was highly animated. She was talking to her Mom.
About OUR marriage. About her issues with me.
What made me the most nauseous...was it was as though she was discussing all of it so impersonal...detached... like I was a thing...as though I was the hated "neighbor"..or "co-worker"....
BUT I am her HUSBAND. I was almost ILL.
AND these things/issues ...are NOWHERE CLOSE...to anything severe. Nothing terrible.
AND here is the thing...the stunning thing.... she was completely changing the stories.
Flat out runnning through these issues...and retelling them to make me the bad guy.
She would say..."yea..i stopped going to do XYZ...because he wanted me to"....
AND I NEVEFR EVEN KNEW she was doing XYZ!
She would say 'I decided to quit XYZ because I wanted her to..."
I supported her and said she should KEEP DOING XYZ!
And ...on...and ...on....
So...I am feeling VERY betrayed.
Again -these are NOT earth shattering or abusive,substance, off the wall issues.
WHAT do I come away thinking?
HOW can a spouse do this? WHY WOULD she be OK to do this?
WHAT does this say about OUR bond?
HOW do I get over this?
PLEASE weigh in....very very shattered by this. (am I overreacting?)
Dear Ladies...what does her ability to do this mean or say?
My BPDw...has always been HIGHLY enmeshed to this day to her Mother.
It seems to be a VERY toxic BPD mother to BPD daughter scenario.
As the years go on...that enmeshment has actually flared upward when her BPD has.
I have long known/suspected that she is perhaps talking way too far out of turn about our marriage and me to her.
So - recently - I came home early form work, and could hear her talking on phone upstairs.
The tone and tenor was highly animated. She was talking to her Mom.
About OUR marriage. About her issues with me.
What made me the most nauseous...was it was as though she was discussing all of it so impersonal...detached... like I was a thing...as though I was the hated "neighbor"..or "co-worker"....
BUT I am her HUSBAND. I was almost ILL.
AND these things/issues ...are NOWHERE CLOSE...to anything severe. Nothing terrible.
AND here is the thing...the stunning thing.... she was completely changing the stories.
Flat out runnning through these issues...and retelling them to make me the bad guy.
She would say..."yea..i stopped going to do XYZ...because he wanted me to"....
AND I NEVEFR EVEN KNEW she was doing XYZ!
She would say 'I decided to quit XYZ because I wanted her to..."
I supported her and said she should KEEP DOING XYZ!
And ...on...and ...on....
So...I am feeling VERY betrayed.
Again -these are NOT earth shattering or abusive,substance, off the wall issues.
WHAT do I come away thinking?
HOW can a spouse do this? WHY WOULD she be OK to do this?
WHAT does this say about OUR bond?
HOW do I get over this?
PLEASE weigh in....very very shattered by this. (am I overreacting?)
Dear Ladies...what does her ability to do this mean or say?
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