She cried. She begged. She pleaded. She said that she never realized how badly she has treated me until now. She says that she wants to try and will do anything to keep me from leaving.
She is clinging herself to my arm I sit on the couch.
I feel nothing in return
I calmly try to explain to her that she is fighting to try to hold to something that isn't there anymore. That I do not feel anything for her anymore because of the way she has degraded and disrespected me!
She said I may just find myself feeling love for her again if I give her one more chance.
I told her love isn't the problem here. The problem is respect!
She swears to respect me more and make me the number one priority in her life.
Now, I wasn't going anywhere today anyway....I couldn't. The earliest I could possibly leave would be tomorrow. After that, Friday would be the best option as she is working late.
But I am soft and I am a sucker.
She says that she wants me to stay more than anything in the world and work on this. I told her that I feel nothing for her anymore, and there is nothing there to work on. She said that she thinks that if she treats me the way I deserve to be treated, that my feelings for her could change.
So I never agreed to stay, but I never told her I was leaving. I decided to let my guard down because she was so upset. I cannot stand to see a woman cry, especially my wife of all people! No matter what she does to me, I cannot deal with that!
Now I am in a position......
Do I play it off as everything is ok? Sleep in the same bed as her and just leave, as scheduled, on Friday? (I COULD leave tomorrow, but it will be risky because I wouldn't be able to speak to my father about it until tomorrow and he may say "no go") Friday would be the best day. My father will be home early and is off all weekend and will be able to help, and my little brother will be available to help that day as well!
Do I just stick around and see if she holds to her word? She has never gotten this upset before. But then again, when I threatened to leave before, she never was that upset before at that time, either.
She seems to just "up the upsetness factor" every she sees that I am about to leave.
Like I said, I never told her I was going to try, or stay. I just stopped being cold to her and allowed her to lay on my arm as I watched football today.
She is calling me her pet names again and I am answering.
I guess, in the end, I could be the one leading her on, but I cannot deal with her when she is hysterical and crying about me leaving.
THIS IS WHAT KEEPS PLAYING THRU MY HEAD OVER AND OVER AGAINL
All I can think about is that first night at my dad's house after I leave. All I think about is my wife coming home from work expecting to find me there, only to find that all of my stuff is gone and that she has lost me.
She will be so hurt! She will probably feel betrayed thinking that I :led her on". She will try to call me but I will ignore, (as requested by so many on these forums)
I wish I could just think about MY feelings here.
Someone tell me something here.
PLEASE!
Tell me that sticking around is wrong and that she will just do the same things again!
Or someone tell me that if she was that upset this time, maybe she finally learned that she is wrong and I should give her that opportunity to prove herself!
She called herself an evil, hateful person today and said she doesn't know why she calls me names, but doesn't mean them.
I told her that doesn't make them less hurtful though and she has caused me to become completely emotionally unattached to her.
Or, do I wait for this to finally just all fall apart on its own. Which I predict it will because I no longer feel as though I have any feelings for her, and I am not sure if that ever comes back. Also, when her son comes home, things won't be pretty.
Why is this so hard? What should I do? I am sorry for being a pain in the ass! I am just so confused right now!!!
I understand that some of you may be losing your patience with me right now and I understand that, but I have no one outside of this community to turn to!
She is clinging herself to my arm I sit on the couch.
I feel nothing in return
I calmly try to explain to her that she is fighting to try to hold to something that isn't there anymore. That I do not feel anything for her anymore because of the way she has degraded and disrespected me!
She said I may just find myself feeling love for her again if I give her one more chance.
I told her love isn't the problem here. The problem is respect!
She swears to respect me more and make me the number one priority in her life.
Now, I wasn't going anywhere today anyway....I couldn't. The earliest I could possibly leave would be tomorrow. After that, Friday would be the best option as she is working late.
But I am soft and I am a sucker.
She says that she wants me to stay more than anything in the world and work on this. I told her that I feel nothing for her anymore, and there is nothing there to work on. She said that she thinks that if she treats me the way I deserve to be treated, that my feelings for her could change.
So I never agreed to stay, but I never told her I was leaving. I decided to let my guard down because she was so upset. I cannot stand to see a woman cry, especially my wife of all people! No matter what she does to me, I cannot deal with that!
Now I am in a position......
Do I play it off as everything is ok? Sleep in the same bed as her and just leave, as scheduled, on Friday? (I COULD leave tomorrow, but it will be risky because I wouldn't be able to speak to my father about it until tomorrow and he may say "no go") Friday would be the best day. My father will be home early and is off all weekend and will be able to help, and my little brother will be available to help that day as well!
Do I just stick around and see if she holds to her word? She has never gotten this upset before. But then again, when I threatened to leave before, she never was that upset before at that time, either.
She seems to just "up the upsetness factor" every she sees that I am about to leave.
Like I said, I never told her I was going to try, or stay. I just stopped being cold to her and allowed her to lay on my arm as I watched football today.
She is calling me her pet names again and I am answering.
I guess, in the end, I could be the one leading her on, but I cannot deal with her when she is hysterical and crying about me leaving.
THIS IS WHAT KEEPS PLAYING THRU MY HEAD OVER AND OVER AGAINL
All I can think about is that first night at my dad's house after I leave. All I think about is my wife coming home from work expecting to find me there, only to find that all of my stuff is gone and that she has lost me.
She will be so hurt! She will probably feel betrayed thinking that I :led her on". She will try to call me but I will ignore, (as requested by so many on these forums)
I wish I could just think about MY feelings here.
Someone tell me something here.
PLEASE!
Tell me that sticking around is wrong and that she will just do the same things again!
Or someone tell me that if she was that upset this time, maybe she finally learned that she is wrong and I should give her that opportunity to prove herself!
She called herself an evil, hateful person today and said she doesn't know why she calls me names, but doesn't mean them.
I told her that doesn't make them less hurtful though and she has caused me to become completely emotionally unattached to her.
Or, do I wait for this to finally just all fall apart on its own. Which I predict it will because I no longer feel as though I have any feelings for her, and I am not sure if that ever comes back. Also, when her son comes home, things won't be pretty.
Why is this so hard? What should I do? I am sorry for being a pain in the ass! I am just so confused right now!!!
I understand that some of you may be losing your patience with me right now and I understand that, but I have no one outside of this community to turn to!
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment