I have been married to my wife for almost three years now and prior to that we were dating for two years. We knew each other from work for three years before we started into a relationship. It gets complicated because her brother was the one who actually hired me. She was only looking for a summer job while she was finishing up college and working on her thesis for her masters degree. She now has her degree but is over qualified for entry level jobs and is under experienced for upper level jobs. Her degree is in archeology and due to the economy there is not a high demand for what her degree is in.
When we first started dating we would talk for hours and hours about all the things we would want to do in life. Some of the we agreed on some of them we were booth on completely opposite ends of the spectrum on. Most of them happened over 8 years ago. Now we are running into problems because conversations we had before we started dating are being held like they were written in stone. Completely forgetting the fact that we have both changed over time.
I should back track a bit and say that she is 31 going to be 32 in a few weeks and I will be turning 30 in October. Right after we got married she almost immediately wanted to buy a house and start having kids. She was 29 at the time and i was still 26. At that time I wasn't mentally there and I wanted to enjoy each other for a few years before we started having children. At that time I also wasn't comfortable with where we were financially and wanted to get better established before we were in over our heads.
A lot of family issues have come up between now and then and we kind of put off that aspect of our lives. Now that I am pushing 30 I am wanting to do better than a 1 bed room apartment and am starting to think that if we don't start having kids soon it will be too late in life. My wife has a different mindset now that she wants to start a business using the money that we have been saving up for a down payment on a house.
She is planning on starting a natural cosmetic business selling product at farmers markets and craft shows. She gave her notice at work before discussing it over with me and wants me to be 100% supportive of her with what she chooses to do in life. She makes about 40% of what I do and we need that money to not go into savings every month. I made the suggestion to "try" it without quitting her job over it because she has Friday, sat and Sundays off. That way we would be able to see what it can do without putting us at a financial liability and we could still progress towards buying a house. I even offered to help her with it because she wouldn't be working at it full time.
She has been boing the markets for a month and a half now and is loosing money doing so. She had to buy insurance to sell at the markets and is doing between 20-65 dollars a day at a fair. By the time you subtract the cost of the table, product, and tax it is trivial. Granted she is only starting at this but I fear this will be the trend because there is already so many other people trying to do the same thing.
To her she is fed up working in a corporate job and anything other than free lancing is not an option. She insists on doing it now and does not want to move forward in our relationship unless she knows if this will work or not. I told her that I am afraid that she is trying to turn a hobby into a career and it is not ready to progress into a career at this point. I also told her that I am not happy at all about the fact that she will be working during my 90 % of my time off from work. We will not have any common days off from work anymore and she will be spending two to four nights a week at her parents house to be making product. We were both working overnights and she feels that if I am not going to at work she can sleep at her parents house.
I feel like I am just a roommate with my wife. We never really made any adjustments towards being a married couple. We have kept our money situation separate and never got any joint accounts. We cannot come to any sort of an agreement when it comes to setting up plans and goals for the future. It all keeps going back to things that we brainstormed about before we started dating.
I am getting burnt out of this situation pretty fast and am at a loss for what to do. My family thinks this is a joke and that she is being unrealistic with what she is trying to do. Which makes the situation that much harder. Her family thinks that I am being unsupportive of her dreams. If she goes for it I will be resentful mostly because our relationship will be non existent and if I get to see her a few hours every few days I'll be lucky. If she doesn't do it then she will hold it against me and be resentful that I didn't allow her to do it.
I still love my wife very much and I know she still loves me. We get along until this comes up. What do you do when you fall in love with different aspects of each other's lives that change over time? How can you be supportive of something when deep down inside you completely dislike the idea of it? What do you do when your spouse makes life changing decisions like this without fully discussing them with you? What do you do when there is no compromise that can really be made without someone being resentful? Any help or advise would be really appreciated. Plus sorry if it is kind of all over the place I haven't been to bed yet and this has been eating me alive all night.
When we first started dating we would talk for hours and hours about all the things we would want to do in life. Some of the we agreed on some of them we were booth on completely opposite ends of the spectrum on. Most of them happened over 8 years ago. Now we are running into problems because conversations we had before we started dating are being held like they were written in stone. Completely forgetting the fact that we have both changed over time.
I should back track a bit and say that she is 31 going to be 32 in a few weeks and I will be turning 30 in October. Right after we got married she almost immediately wanted to buy a house and start having kids. She was 29 at the time and i was still 26. At that time I wasn't mentally there and I wanted to enjoy each other for a few years before we started having children. At that time I also wasn't comfortable with where we were financially and wanted to get better established before we were in over our heads.
A lot of family issues have come up between now and then and we kind of put off that aspect of our lives. Now that I am pushing 30 I am wanting to do better than a 1 bed room apartment and am starting to think that if we don't start having kids soon it will be too late in life. My wife has a different mindset now that she wants to start a business using the money that we have been saving up for a down payment on a house.
She is planning on starting a natural cosmetic business selling product at farmers markets and craft shows. She gave her notice at work before discussing it over with me and wants me to be 100% supportive of her with what she chooses to do in life. She makes about 40% of what I do and we need that money to not go into savings every month. I made the suggestion to "try" it without quitting her job over it because she has Friday, sat and Sundays off. That way we would be able to see what it can do without putting us at a financial liability and we could still progress towards buying a house. I even offered to help her with it because she wouldn't be working at it full time.
She has been boing the markets for a month and a half now and is loosing money doing so. She had to buy insurance to sell at the markets and is doing between 20-65 dollars a day at a fair. By the time you subtract the cost of the table, product, and tax it is trivial. Granted she is only starting at this but I fear this will be the trend because there is already so many other people trying to do the same thing.
To her she is fed up working in a corporate job and anything other than free lancing is not an option. She insists on doing it now and does not want to move forward in our relationship unless she knows if this will work or not. I told her that I am afraid that she is trying to turn a hobby into a career and it is not ready to progress into a career at this point. I also told her that I am not happy at all about the fact that she will be working during my 90 % of my time off from work. We will not have any common days off from work anymore and she will be spending two to four nights a week at her parents house to be making product. We were both working overnights and she feels that if I am not going to at work she can sleep at her parents house.
I feel like I am just a roommate with my wife. We never really made any adjustments towards being a married couple. We have kept our money situation separate and never got any joint accounts. We cannot come to any sort of an agreement when it comes to setting up plans and goals for the future. It all keeps going back to things that we brainstormed about before we started dating.
I am getting burnt out of this situation pretty fast and am at a loss for what to do. My family thinks this is a joke and that she is being unrealistic with what she is trying to do. Which makes the situation that much harder. Her family thinks that I am being unsupportive of her dreams. If she goes for it I will be resentful mostly because our relationship will be non existent and if I get to see her a few hours every few days I'll be lucky. If she doesn't do it then she will hold it against me and be resentful that I didn't allow her to do it.
I still love my wife very much and I know she still loves me. We get along until this comes up. What do you do when you fall in love with different aspects of each other's lives that change over time? How can you be supportive of something when deep down inside you completely dislike the idea of it? What do you do when your spouse makes life changing decisions like this without fully discussing them with you? What do you do when there is no compromise that can really be made without someone being resentful? Any help or advise would be really appreciated. Plus sorry if it is kind of all over the place I haven't been to bed yet and this has been eating me alive all night.
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