I have been with my girlfriend for a little longer than five years now. She keeps hinting that she wants to get married, but there are some significant reasons why I haven't asked yet and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting.
The last two years have been hard. Both of her parents passed away about a year ago. We had been living out of state for the two years prior to their passing and we were very happy. I had a good job and so did she. When she found out her parents were sick she became their primary care taker and took care of them for about four months before they passed away. Because of that, she lost her job. I carry no hard feelings over that. I would have made the same decision. It is the decisions since then that have been particularly challenging for me.
Her employment history is a disaster and was before I met her. She lost every job she ever had because she was irresponsible and late. She missed a job interview once by an hour and her mother told her that "if they wouldn't interview her if she was only an hour late they weren't going to hire her anyway." She comes from a privileged background and I do not.
She was starting to get on track when she lost her job to take care of her parents. She expressed disinterest and unhappiness in the profession she was in after she lost the job. After her parents died they left her a large inheritance and a house. I told her she should use her time to find something she wanted to do, but she took an entire year off from employment of any kind. During that time she refused to do anything with the house, which is still being paid for and has a hefty mortgage. She spent money from her inheritance on it and paid to have it heated and her friend lived in at as a caretaker. During that time we maintained two residences. I suggested she clean out the house and rent it, but she refused. She didn't look at going to college to pursue some other interest. She didn't do much of anything. Eventually the money from her inheritance ran out and she panicked. I gave up my job, found a new one, and moved with her into the house.
Despite some significant reservations on my part we agreed to move into the house and finish paying the mortgage which has four years remaining on it, but a lofty monthly payment. I have had to do all of the work on the property. She sleeps until 12 most days before going to her job, which she has had for about a month or two. She is currently working a low paying job working at a hotel. She has a college degree, but refuses to pursue jobs for which she is qualified. She simply says that she won't get them anyway, so who cares. I have been very encouraging, but I am tired of being the only one that is positive about her future. She is very content working menial jobs that she is vastly overqualified for, but complains about them relentlessly. We have also had to take on lodgers to afford the house.
The house which she refuses to help maintain is expensive and we can not afford it if she won't use her education to pursue a better job. I am sucking up a good deal of the difference at my own expense both in time and money. She finds plenty of time to go do other things, but when I ask when she is going to help she encourages me to do more. She also doesn't have health insurance, which she refuses to sign up for even though it will be at a significantly reduced rate. One illness and we could lose everything anyway.
I'm fed up with the situation and am looking for advice. The rest of our relationship is excellent, but I can't get any traction on these issues. I don't know what to do anymore, but I also don't think I can live with this perpetually. Help!
The last two years have been hard. Both of her parents passed away about a year ago. We had been living out of state for the two years prior to their passing and we were very happy. I had a good job and so did she. When she found out her parents were sick she became their primary care taker and took care of them for about four months before they passed away. Because of that, she lost her job. I carry no hard feelings over that. I would have made the same decision. It is the decisions since then that have been particularly challenging for me.
Her employment history is a disaster and was before I met her. She lost every job she ever had because she was irresponsible and late. She missed a job interview once by an hour and her mother told her that "if they wouldn't interview her if she was only an hour late they weren't going to hire her anyway." She comes from a privileged background and I do not.
She was starting to get on track when she lost her job to take care of her parents. She expressed disinterest and unhappiness in the profession she was in after she lost the job. After her parents died they left her a large inheritance and a house. I told her she should use her time to find something she wanted to do, but she took an entire year off from employment of any kind. During that time she refused to do anything with the house, which is still being paid for and has a hefty mortgage. She spent money from her inheritance on it and paid to have it heated and her friend lived in at as a caretaker. During that time we maintained two residences. I suggested she clean out the house and rent it, but she refused. She didn't look at going to college to pursue some other interest. She didn't do much of anything. Eventually the money from her inheritance ran out and she panicked. I gave up my job, found a new one, and moved with her into the house.
Despite some significant reservations on my part we agreed to move into the house and finish paying the mortgage which has four years remaining on it, but a lofty monthly payment. I have had to do all of the work on the property. She sleeps until 12 most days before going to her job, which she has had for about a month or two. She is currently working a low paying job working at a hotel. She has a college degree, but refuses to pursue jobs for which she is qualified. She simply says that she won't get them anyway, so who cares. I have been very encouraging, but I am tired of being the only one that is positive about her future. She is very content working menial jobs that she is vastly overqualified for, but complains about them relentlessly. We have also had to take on lodgers to afford the house.
The house which she refuses to help maintain is expensive and we can not afford it if she won't use her education to pursue a better job. I am sucking up a good deal of the difference at my own expense both in time and money. She finds plenty of time to go do other things, but when I ask when she is going to help she encourages me to do more. She also doesn't have health insurance, which she refuses to sign up for even though it will be at a significantly reduced rate. One illness and we could lose everything anyway.
I'm fed up with the situation and am looking for advice. The rest of our relationship is excellent, but I can't get any traction on these issues. I don't know what to do anymore, but I also don't think I can live with this perpetually. Help!
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