My first post. Greetings.
My situation is this: after over 30 years of marriage, I'm considering divorce. Neither of us really want it, but our sex life is very challenging. From the beginning, she never had has strong a libido as mine, she is very shy, insecure, and never felt comfortable initiating sex; maybe initiating 20+ times throughout our marriage. That fact is only relevant now because coming to a mutual understanding of where we are now has been a series of difficult yet constructive conversations.
Where we are is this: her libido is essentially zero now. Having sex for her is painful and with little pleasure. She tells me she tried self-stimulation but it's not there.
This began 24 years ago after our last child was born. She had a full hysterectomy because of endometriosis. Prior to that, she generally enjoyed sex at least weekly, although I enjoyed it 3 or 4 times weekly. After the surgery, her enjoyment gradually dropped to near zero over a period of 20 years.
She has tried many types of therapies, medicinal, psychological, nontraditional treatments, etc. We also tried to work on foreplay in and out of bed.
She is still willing to have sex, if I ask, but it is painful, artificial lubricants do not help. Sex for us is still relatively intimate until actual fornication, when it becomes painful for her, and mechanical until I orgasm. BJs are too much for her, hand jobs are often necessary.
Our latest discussion is that she understands if I want a divorce, she is ok with it. She does not want me to have extramarital sex. I have mixed emotions about divorce. I've thought about this a lot, considering both our needs, our 3 children, our extended families, our future together, and our future apart.
Any thoughts and insights are welcome.
Thanks.
Posted via Mobile Device
My situation is this: after over 30 years of marriage, I'm considering divorce. Neither of us really want it, but our sex life is very challenging. From the beginning, she never had has strong a libido as mine, she is very shy, insecure, and never felt comfortable initiating sex; maybe initiating 20+ times throughout our marriage. That fact is only relevant now because coming to a mutual understanding of where we are now has been a series of difficult yet constructive conversations.
Where we are is this: her libido is essentially zero now. Having sex for her is painful and with little pleasure. She tells me she tried self-stimulation but it's not there.
This began 24 years ago after our last child was born. She had a full hysterectomy because of endometriosis. Prior to that, she generally enjoyed sex at least weekly, although I enjoyed it 3 or 4 times weekly. After the surgery, her enjoyment gradually dropped to near zero over a period of 20 years.
She has tried many types of therapies, medicinal, psychological, nontraditional treatments, etc. We also tried to work on foreplay in and out of bed.
She is still willing to have sex, if I ask, but it is painful, artificial lubricants do not help. Sex for us is still relatively intimate until actual fornication, when it becomes painful for her, and mechanical until I orgasm. BJs are too much for her, hand jobs are often necessary.
Our latest discussion is that she understands if I want a divorce, she is ok with it. She does not want me to have extramarital sex. I have mixed emotions about divorce. I've thought about this a lot, considering both our needs, our 3 children, our extended families, our future together, and our future apart.
Any thoughts and insights are welcome.
Thanks.
Posted via Mobile Device
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