I'll try not to make this too long. Maybe I just need to vent.
My wife and I have been together about 2 1/2 years. The last couple of months have been hard. I had a medical issue a few months ago and was in a lot of pain. Right after that we had an issue with one of our animals that caused a great deal of stress. We also have a very vocal cat who has taken to waking me up at all hours of the night. She sleeps right through but I wake up every time. I haven't been sleeping well for months. While I was hurt and the animal was hurt she didn't step up and do more to help around the house. I still felt like I had to pull the same amount of weight I had before even when I could barely walk.
She has a busy and stressful job that she took last year. She also does a lot with friends and coworkers at night and also rides a horse after work at least twice a week. Many nights I don't see her until almost 8pm. We rarely do anything together during the week. I have a time intensive hobby of my own that I rarely get to do because I feel like I'm always trying to run the house and keep my head above water. What's odd to me is that in her job she has to be a team player and ask what she can to do to help others all the time and be very detail oriented. When it comes to home life the same lessons don't apply for some reason.
She expects me to take care of the pets, cook a few times a week, and take care of the house. When she comes home she sits on the couch and stares at the computer for hours. If I cook dinner she doesn't help with the dishes. I've also been making a lunch dish for her to take to work. She has never learned how to make it or helped with it. She doesn't help cook or participate. If something needs dealt with around the house it's up to me. She doesn't call anyone or help do it. I set up the appointments and have to be home for them. I do the laundry because she says she doesn't like to do it because of how I do it.
I've tried to discuss things with her but I don't deal well with it. I let it go too long until I get stressed and get emotional. I don't yell or get angry. I just get overwhelmed and don't articulate my position well. She generally gets defensive and says I'm making excuses and if I don't want to do something then don't do it (instead of asking what she can to help or suggest ways to make it easier). I feel like she isn't taking my feelings into account or paying attention to how her actions impact me.
My coping mechanisms are a bit broken from childhood. My dad left when I was young and I never felt like my feelings were important. I always had to fend for myself and not rock the boat. I don't like to stand up for myself and I'm not good at it. I know that's part of the issue here. I've let things get too far in the wrong direction.
I'm considering going to therapy on my own to figure out how to cope. I do love her and feel like she is very good for me in many ways but day to day life is wearing me down. I mentioned marriage counseling once and she didn't think we needed to go.
I'm not sure there's any advice or help to give here. I want to not feel exhausted anymore.
My wife and I have been together about 2 1/2 years. The last couple of months have been hard. I had a medical issue a few months ago and was in a lot of pain. Right after that we had an issue with one of our animals that caused a great deal of stress. We also have a very vocal cat who has taken to waking me up at all hours of the night. She sleeps right through but I wake up every time. I haven't been sleeping well for months. While I was hurt and the animal was hurt she didn't step up and do more to help around the house. I still felt like I had to pull the same amount of weight I had before even when I could barely walk.
She has a busy and stressful job that she took last year. She also does a lot with friends and coworkers at night and also rides a horse after work at least twice a week. Many nights I don't see her until almost 8pm. We rarely do anything together during the week. I have a time intensive hobby of my own that I rarely get to do because I feel like I'm always trying to run the house and keep my head above water. What's odd to me is that in her job she has to be a team player and ask what she can to do to help others all the time and be very detail oriented. When it comes to home life the same lessons don't apply for some reason.
She expects me to take care of the pets, cook a few times a week, and take care of the house. When she comes home she sits on the couch and stares at the computer for hours. If I cook dinner she doesn't help with the dishes. I've also been making a lunch dish for her to take to work. She has never learned how to make it or helped with it. She doesn't help cook or participate. If something needs dealt with around the house it's up to me. She doesn't call anyone or help do it. I set up the appointments and have to be home for them. I do the laundry because she says she doesn't like to do it because of how I do it.
I've tried to discuss things with her but I don't deal well with it. I let it go too long until I get stressed and get emotional. I don't yell or get angry. I just get overwhelmed and don't articulate my position well. She generally gets defensive and says I'm making excuses and if I don't want to do something then don't do it (instead of asking what she can to help or suggest ways to make it easier). I feel like she isn't taking my feelings into account or paying attention to how her actions impact me.
My coping mechanisms are a bit broken from childhood. My dad left when I was young and I never felt like my feelings were important. I always had to fend for myself and not rock the boat. I don't like to stand up for myself and I'm not good at it. I know that's part of the issue here. I've let things get too far in the wrong direction.
I'm considering going to therapy on my own to figure out how to cope. I do love her and feel like she is very good for me in many ways but day to day life is wearing me down. I mentioned marriage counseling once and she didn't think we needed to go.
I'm not sure there's any advice or help to give here. I want to not feel exhausted anymore.
Put the internet to work for you.
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