So, I am still not anywhere close to being where I want to be in this recovery process.
I still see myself as damaged goods that has been tossed to the side for someone else. My EX gets to provide a family to my kids, with his parents and the new love of his life that he has been with for over a year now. I kept expecting them to crash and burn, but they are still together and happier than I have ever seen him.
I know what he did and is still doing is wrong. I know that we are still facing custody court that will be in two weeks. I know I am still struggling to understand why this has all been so easy for him and why I still cry at least once a day.
I found out today, that his sister is going to be a witness for him. I was best friends with his sister for 5 years and now that is all gone. I feel so lost, alone, rejected, abandoned and unhappy. I don't know how to find my happiness again? I don't know what I have to offer anyone anymore or if I will ever be able to love anyone again.
I feel like a horrible mother b/c my kids see that I am unhappy but yet, they go to their dad's and have all kinds of fun things planned. I can't give them that b/c I can't afford it and I can't get myself to even do the simple things in life.
I know that with court lingering over my head, I can't really take the steps to move on. THis is going to be a horrible court day for me. I have to face him, his family and my previous best friend while, I am sure that they will lie about me and make me out to be this horrible person. I know I am doing the right thing with going to court ... I know I am fighting for my kids. But my hopes of everything settling down after court aren't that high?
I know what everyone says. I know I need to forgive and live the best life that I can. I know this but I just don't know how to get there? I don't know how to pick up my life and move forward? I don't know how to ease this pain. It has been almost 2 years since he left me for the OW#2 and I am still emotionally destroyed.
I think my pride has been hurt. I think that is the thing that keeps me hanging on. I want revenge, but revenge isn't mine to give.
I just had to vent b/c I am going no where right now, except in circles. I envy people that are able to get through the hurt and pain when your life crumbles before your eyes. I have made it through a lot of bad things in my life but this past 18 months has destroyed me in ways that I can't even describe.
I still see myself as damaged goods that has been tossed to the side for someone else. My EX gets to provide a family to my kids, with his parents and the new love of his life that he has been with for over a year now. I kept expecting them to crash and burn, but they are still together and happier than I have ever seen him.
I know what he did and is still doing is wrong. I know that we are still facing custody court that will be in two weeks. I know I am still struggling to understand why this has all been so easy for him and why I still cry at least once a day.
I found out today, that his sister is going to be a witness for him. I was best friends with his sister for 5 years and now that is all gone. I feel so lost, alone, rejected, abandoned and unhappy. I don't know how to find my happiness again? I don't know what I have to offer anyone anymore or if I will ever be able to love anyone again.
I feel like a horrible mother b/c my kids see that I am unhappy but yet, they go to their dad's and have all kinds of fun things planned. I can't give them that b/c I can't afford it and I can't get myself to even do the simple things in life.
I know that with court lingering over my head, I can't really take the steps to move on. THis is going to be a horrible court day for me. I have to face him, his family and my previous best friend while, I am sure that they will lie about me and make me out to be this horrible person. I know I am doing the right thing with going to court ... I know I am fighting for my kids. But my hopes of everything settling down after court aren't that high?
I know what everyone says. I know I need to forgive and live the best life that I can. I know this but I just don't know how to get there? I don't know how to pick up my life and move forward? I don't know how to ease this pain. It has been almost 2 years since he left me for the OW#2 and I am still emotionally destroyed.
I think my pride has been hurt. I think that is the thing that keeps me hanging on. I want revenge, but revenge isn't mine to give.
I just had to vent b/c I am going no where right now, except in circles. I envy people that are able to get through the hurt and pain when your life crumbles before your eyes. I have made it through a lot of bad things in my life but this past 18 months has destroyed me in ways that I can't even describe.
Put the internet to work for you.
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