Hi,
I am new to the forum and debated on where to make my post. My husband and I have been married 9 months. We didn't date long and that is probably part of our problem.
Our sex life has become abysmal. Last month we had sex three times and that was partly due to me commenting on our lack of intimacy. Pity sex I've come to call it. Hubby tells me it is a timing issue but I'm not buying it. He says he's tired, I'm tired, one of us is sick and the excuses go on. I try to initiate sex and he politely turns me down.
He has been drinking and more than he did when we first got together. In fact, he drinks beer daily, at least 5 cans and then he will switch to vodka. If he gets off work early I know he will be fairly loaded till I get home from work.
I think his drinking has affected his sex drive. However, if I say something about his drinking he becomes angry and won't talk to me for over a day.
He also lacks affection. I've tried to get him used to hugs and kisses but he doesn't seem to like it and even told me that he is afraid to give me affection because I'll want more.
After an argument over sex and affection, I told him that all I needed at that moment was a hug. He looked at me and proceeded to go outside to have a cigarette and left me standing there.
I've been reading a lot of books on relationships to help me during this time. I've tried the Love Dare for us and have been applying ideas from His Needs, Her Needs and even got hubby to take the 5 Love Languages assessment (which his came back as physical touch and acts of service equally). I think he answered the 5 Love Languages based on what he thought I'd like because when I touch him, he tries to move away from me every time.
My reason for this post is this: is his lack of desire due to drinking? He doesn't watch porn (I checked) and no affair. I'm lonely and frustrated. Would AA help me because I know he won't go?
I am new to the forum and debated on where to make my post. My husband and I have been married 9 months. We didn't date long and that is probably part of our problem.
Our sex life has become abysmal. Last month we had sex three times and that was partly due to me commenting on our lack of intimacy. Pity sex I've come to call it. Hubby tells me it is a timing issue but I'm not buying it. He says he's tired, I'm tired, one of us is sick and the excuses go on. I try to initiate sex and he politely turns me down.
He has been drinking and more than he did when we first got together. In fact, he drinks beer daily, at least 5 cans and then he will switch to vodka. If he gets off work early I know he will be fairly loaded till I get home from work.
I think his drinking has affected his sex drive. However, if I say something about his drinking he becomes angry and won't talk to me for over a day.
He also lacks affection. I've tried to get him used to hugs and kisses but he doesn't seem to like it and even told me that he is afraid to give me affection because I'll want more.
After an argument over sex and affection, I told him that all I needed at that moment was a hug. He looked at me and proceeded to go outside to have a cigarette and left me standing there.
I've been reading a lot of books on relationships to help me during this time. I've tried the Love Dare for us and have been applying ideas from His Needs, Her Needs and even got hubby to take the 5 Love Languages assessment (which his came back as physical touch and acts of service equally). I think he answered the 5 Love Languages based on what he thought I'd like because when I touch him, he tries to move away from me every time.
My reason for this post is this: is his lack of desire due to drinking? He doesn't watch porn (I checked) and no affair. I'm lonely and frustrated. Would AA help me because I know he won't go?
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