I am hoping to get some insight into my situation. My wife and I are currently seperated and I've filed for a divorce. My two main issues are my wife's temper and the fact she does not want any of my family over our house because she feels they have been horrible to her thoughout our marriage of six years. I'm not sure what to do. My wife and I have started talking again after almost 3 months of no contact. She says she knows she has a bad temper and she wants to learn to control it because she doesn't want to be seen as a mean and ugly person. This is the first time I've heard her say she wants to fix it for her, not for me and that's good. But she does not know if she can accept my family after all she has been through with them.
When she first met my mother she did not make a good impression. Kept her face in a magazine most of the whole visit. My mother is the type that believes when a potential daughter n law first visits she should jump right in with the house chores, cook supper, etc and my girlfriend (future wife, future exwife) did not do that. As soon as I got home my mother called me and said run from that woman, she's not right for you. And this theme has continued from her throughout our marriage, although she's never said anything directly to my wife. My wife senses her dislike for her. Each time we've split up (4 times in 10 years, although usually for only a week or so) my mother has started in on me about what a horrible b1tch she is and god will punish her for what she's done to me. God is my mother's personal avenger.
My daughter has hated my wife from the first day. I've tried to figure out why, even asking her what has always been her issue with my wife. I always get "she's not right for you, I don't like the way she treats you". I suspect she viewed my, then girlfriend, as someone that took my time from her. At the time I was babysitting for my daughter 5 nights a week. After I met my future wife I told my daughter I was going to cut back on the babysitting to three times a week so I could have a social life. Then my daughter said "well you won't see your granddaughter then". And I didn't for 3 months. My daughter and my wife have had one verbal cuss fight, my daughter has posted hate spewing messages on facebook, emails, etc.
Now for me I've never taken an issue with either my mother or my daughter in defending my wife and she feels hurt that I've never defended her against my family. I guess I always figured their love for me would outweigh their hatred for each other, but it hasn't worked out like that.
I've come to realize I can't make these people change their minds. They're all grown and this is the way they are. Only I feel so put in the middle and I'm forced to choose between my family and my wife and I love them all and want them all in my life.
I have seen my mother turn her disapproval on my brother's wives (he's had 3) convincing him they were all no good and he could do better. Currently he's 53 years old, divorced and living with my mother. I watched my sister keep my dad from having any serious relationship with a woman after he and my mother divorced. She always said, "he doesn't need anyone, I can take care of him". My dad died without ever having a romantic relationship again.
I just don't want to end up like this. Any insight is appreciated.
When she first met my mother she did not make a good impression. Kept her face in a magazine most of the whole visit. My mother is the type that believes when a potential daughter n law first visits she should jump right in with the house chores, cook supper, etc and my girlfriend (future wife, future exwife) did not do that. As soon as I got home my mother called me and said run from that woman, she's not right for you. And this theme has continued from her throughout our marriage, although she's never said anything directly to my wife. My wife senses her dislike for her. Each time we've split up (4 times in 10 years, although usually for only a week or so) my mother has started in on me about what a horrible b1tch she is and god will punish her for what she's done to me. God is my mother's personal avenger.
My daughter has hated my wife from the first day. I've tried to figure out why, even asking her what has always been her issue with my wife. I always get "she's not right for you, I don't like the way she treats you". I suspect she viewed my, then girlfriend, as someone that took my time from her. At the time I was babysitting for my daughter 5 nights a week. After I met my future wife I told my daughter I was going to cut back on the babysitting to three times a week so I could have a social life. Then my daughter said "well you won't see your granddaughter then". And I didn't for 3 months. My daughter and my wife have had one verbal cuss fight, my daughter has posted hate spewing messages on facebook, emails, etc.
Now for me I've never taken an issue with either my mother or my daughter in defending my wife and she feels hurt that I've never defended her against my family. I guess I always figured their love for me would outweigh their hatred for each other, but it hasn't worked out like that.
I've come to realize I can't make these people change their minds. They're all grown and this is the way they are. Only I feel so put in the middle and I'm forced to choose between my family and my wife and I love them all and want them all in my life.
I have seen my mother turn her disapproval on my brother's wives (he's had 3) convincing him they were all no good and he could do better. Currently he's 53 years old, divorced and living with my mother. I watched my sister keep my dad from having any serious relationship with a woman after he and my mother divorced. She always said, "he doesn't need anyone, I can take care of him". My dad died without ever having a romantic relationship again.
I just don't want to end up like this. Any insight is appreciated.
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