My wife had an emotional affair over 10 years ago. I'm pretty certain that she never met the guy but there was a lot of texting. I figured that something was up. The main give away was that she became very impatient with me and critical of me also. She became emotionally cold too.
I posted this at the time....
My wife started texting a guy who texted her by accident (wrong number) and it went from there. It was I who read the initial text from him. She asked me to read it because she was busy doing something. It was a bit suggestive-I think he was casting his line and hoping for a bite. And he got one. She replied saying that his text was a very suggestive text to be sending to a 40+ married woman. I warned her that sending it was a mistake and she sent it anyway, and it went from there.
I suspected that it wouldn't end there and it didn't! I started checking her phone (something I'd never done before) and, sure enough, the textual affair was up and running.......
During the following week or two, she became very impatient with me and knocked me a lot. She had no interest in me sexually and everything I seemed to do was wrong.
During that time, a text came in to her phone and I read it. It was from him. She asked me who it was from and I said it was some guy who'd send her text jokes over the weekend, if she wanted. She said it wasn't some guy. She said it was a work colleague. I didn't display the patience of a card player and I told her I knew all that had been going on. Initially she denied everything point blankly. Then, bit by bit, she admitted things.
To cut a long story short, she said that the whole thing excited her and that I hadn't shown any interest in her, prior to it all. (Fairly true, I have to admit). She said that he was interested in her purely for who she was, but stressed that they had never met up and that he didn't know her name. He just knew her by her first initial.
Anyway, I totally lost it and shouted at her, asking if she thought I was stupid enough not to cop on to what was going on and to believe, like she had told me, that it wouldn't go any further. Later, she admitted that he had asked to meet her and there had been the suggestion, by him, of something physical between them. The following day, I took her phone to work, with her agreement, and after about an hour, a text came through from him. I replied, pretending to be her and we exchanged about ten texts. Finally, I couldn't take anymore and I phoned him (I hid my cell phone number). I got his voicemail. I told him that it had been me who had been texting him all day long, that I knew what was going on and that I never wanted him to contact my wife again!!!
When I got home, I told my wife what had happened. She became angry, saying that I should have allowed her the chance to finish it instead. I felt a bit foolish over the way I had behaved (I had been blinded by anger) and told her I was sorry. I asked her to text him and to tell him that I shouldn't have done what I did. She said she would and that would be the end of it.
That was definitely the lowest point of my life. Nothing has ever come close to it. I did blame myself, partially, for it, as my wife's emotional needs weren't being met by me. She insists that there was never any contact after that. I believe her but something like this damages trust to the extent that, deep down, there will always be some little element of doubt in my mind.
It took me a long time to get my head sorted out about it all. I suppose I never will completely. Things improved considerably over the years. She never wanted to talk about it because she said she was mortified about it all but I knew that I couldn't get any form of closure until we did. Eventually we did. I mostly wanted her to listen to me talk about it all. I got everything off my chest and it improved how I felf greatly about it.
We're both early 50's. Last year, she she did some voluntary work abroad. She spent 5 weeks working with kids in a 3rd World country. She really enjoyed it. It was something she always wanted to do. We were in almost daily contact while she was there. Her group of about 12 had 8 women and 4 men. She bacame very friendly with 5 or 6 of the group, including 2 guys in their mid to late 20's.
They've had a few reunions since then and they all keep in loose contact with each other. The 2 younger guys have visited us a few times. They're good fun and we all get on well together. One guy, I suspect, is gay. The other guy definitely isn't and has had a few girlfriends over the years.
My wife always seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for the second guy. I've suspected for a while that she has some kind of feelings for him. It's difficult for me to explain why but it's a gut feeling I've had. There's nothing concrete I can point to but a few casual comments added to my gut feeling. For example, we sometimes joke and tease each other during sex and I sometimes say that maybe she needs a younger, fitter guy with a big firm shaft. ;) The last two times I passed such a comment, she said (almost regretfully) that I'd freak out if she did that and each time, she mentioned the guy's name in the next ten seconds. There were a few other situations also when she'd mention him very shortly after a sexual discussion.
Nothing criminal there, you all say, but something happened recently that threw me a bit more than usual. The guy is abroad at the moment on a 6 month world tour/adventure holiday. He's traveling on his own and meeting people and moving on as he goes. They keep in loose touch through Viber. He's visiting some wonderful places and she often says that she envious of him on his travels. She genuinely loves to travel worldwide also. He Vibered her last week, updating her on the latest leg of his journey. She mentioned that he had, as she usually does.
She again expressed a little envy of him but then, for a few days, she was impatient with me again, and critical also, very similarly to the way she was over ten years ago during her EA.
I let it slide for a few days and eventually said that, whatever I'd done wrong, I was really sorry. She said I hadn't done anything wrong but then I foolishly said that she was acting like something was up. (I really regret not staying in Patient Mode). She immediately changed towards me and has been much nicer, warmer and non-critical since then. In fact, it's just a little bit over the top.
Is she secretly pining for this guy?
Your thoughts please...............
I posted this at the time....
My wife started texting a guy who texted her by accident (wrong number) and it went from there. It was I who read the initial text from him. She asked me to read it because she was busy doing something. It was a bit suggestive-I think he was casting his line and hoping for a bite. And he got one. She replied saying that his text was a very suggestive text to be sending to a 40+ married woman. I warned her that sending it was a mistake and she sent it anyway, and it went from there.
I suspected that it wouldn't end there and it didn't! I started checking her phone (something I'd never done before) and, sure enough, the textual affair was up and running.......
During the following week or two, she became very impatient with me and knocked me a lot. She had no interest in me sexually and everything I seemed to do was wrong.
During that time, a text came in to her phone and I read it. It was from him. She asked me who it was from and I said it was some guy who'd send her text jokes over the weekend, if she wanted. She said it wasn't some guy. She said it was a work colleague. I didn't display the patience of a card player and I told her I knew all that had been going on. Initially she denied everything point blankly. Then, bit by bit, she admitted things.
To cut a long story short, she said that the whole thing excited her and that I hadn't shown any interest in her, prior to it all. (Fairly true, I have to admit). She said that he was interested in her purely for who she was, but stressed that they had never met up and that he didn't know her name. He just knew her by her first initial.
Anyway, I totally lost it and shouted at her, asking if she thought I was stupid enough not to cop on to what was going on and to believe, like she had told me, that it wouldn't go any further. Later, she admitted that he had asked to meet her and there had been the suggestion, by him, of something physical between them. The following day, I took her phone to work, with her agreement, and after about an hour, a text came through from him. I replied, pretending to be her and we exchanged about ten texts. Finally, I couldn't take anymore and I phoned him (I hid my cell phone number). I got his voicemail. I told him that it had been me who had been texting him all day long, that I knew what was going on and that I never wanted him to contact my wife again!!!
When I got home, I told my wife what had happened. She became angry, saying that I should have allowed her the chance to finish it instead. I felt a bit foolish over the way I had behaved (I had been blinded by anger) and told her I was sorry. I asked her to text him and to tell him that I shouldn't have done what I did. She said she would and that would be the end of it.
That was definitely the lowest point of my life. Nothing has ever come close to it. I did blame myself, partially, for it, as my wife's emotional needs weren't being met by me. She insists that there was never any contact after that. I believe her but something like this damages trust to the extent that, deep down, there will always be some little element of doubt in my mind.
It took me a long time to get my head sorted out about it all. I suppose I never will completely. Things improved considerably over the years. She never wanted to talk about it because she said she was mortified about it all but I knew that I couldn't get any form of closure until we did. Eventually we did. I mostly wanted her to listen to me talk about it all. I got everything off my chest and it improved how I felf greatly about it.
We're both early 50's. Last year, she she did some voluntary work abroad. She spent 5 weeks working with kids in a 3rd World country. She really enjoyed it. It was something she always wanted to do. We were in almost daily contact while she was there. Her group of about 12 had 8 women and 4 men. She bacame very friendly with 5 or 6 of the group, including 2 guys in their mid to late 20's.
They've had a few reunions since then and they all keep in loose contact with each other. The 2 younger guys have visited us a few times. They're good fun and we all get on well together. One guy, I suspect, is gay. The other guy definitely isn't and has had a few girlfriends over the years.
My wife always seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for the second guy. I've suspected for a while that she has some kind of feelings for him. It's difficult for me to explain why but it's a gut feeling I've had. There's nothing concrete I can point to but a few casual comments added to my gut feeling. For example, we sometimes joke and tease each other during sex and I sometimes say that maybe she needs a younger, fitter guy with a big firm shaft. ;) The last two times I passed such a comment, she said (almost regretfully) that I'd freak out if she did that and each time, she mentioned the guy's name in the next ten seconds. There were a few other situations also when she'd mention him very shortly after a sexual discussion.
Nothing criminal there, you all say, but something happened recently that threw me a bit more than usual. The guy is abroad at the moment on a 6 month world tour/adventure holiday. He's traveling on his own and meeting people and moving on as he goes. They keep in loose touch through Viber. He's visiting some wonderful places and she often says that she envious of him on his travels. She genuinely loves to travel worldwide also. He Vibered her last week, updating her on the latest leg of his journey. She mentioned that he had, as she usually does.
She again expressed a little envy of him but then, for a few days, she was impatient with me again, and critical also, very similarly to the way she was over ten years ago during her EA.
I let it slide for a few days and eventually said that, whatever I'd done wrong, I was really sorry. She said I hadn't done anything wrong but then I foolishly said that she was acting like something was up. (I really regret not staying in Patient Mode). She immediately changed towards me and has been much nicer, warmer and non-critical since then. In fact, it's just a little bit over the top.
Is she secretly pining for this guy?
Your thoughts please...............
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