We have been married for six months, and our actual big wedding is in two weeks. My husband told me last week that he has extreme hatred for me. I can't breathe.
I have been very depressed on and off for a few years because of health and school issues. It has really broken me down. I've been getting therapy for it, but it is taking time. I have a lot of ups and downs. I can see how it can wear on a person after some time, and I respect his frustration. However, he, of course, doesn't talk to me about it and just bottles it up. He doesn't want to have sex (unless he initiates-I can't EVER initiate), he refuses (literally) to help me with the housework, and he has just shut me out of every aspect of his life. I don't know his friends, he doesn't like me to stop into work, and I only really see him at the house.
He said that he doesn't feel like I can take care of anything-not myself, not the house, and certainly not kids. All he has ever wanted is to be a father, and he said that he hates me for the fact that he can't see himself having a family with me right now. He says that what I need to do is get my head out of my butt and get my stuff together, except he didn't use such PG vocabulary. For him to use vulgar language, I know it is bad. A few days ago, he wouldn't tell me that things were fixable. Since then, he says he has seen the positive change, but I still feel like he is completely shut down. I can't fix everything over night, I know it will take some time. If he would have just said something sooner, I could have been working on it. This was all quite a shock. He has locked me out of everything except the house, and I'm growing more insecure the more that I find out.
I have no doubt that he has been faithful, and that's a huge plus. He says that I don't challenge him like I used to, and that I have completely lost my edge and sarcasm. I have. I used to be crazy in the beginning, but I've worked so hard to be less nuts that I seem to be at the other end of the extreme. I feel so insecure right now. Every day I feel more hopeless. I'm trying to be patient, it has only been a week, and he doesn't want to talk about it. He is finally letting me talk about how I feel, and I know that is a good sign, but I still feel like he has one foot out the door when he tells me that he's being prepared to do whatever he has to do.
I know that I'm doing about everything that I can right now, but I'm scared. We have gotten through so much over four years both with him and myself. He won't go to counseling, and he doesn't want to talk about it. He just expects me to change and that he doesn't have to. I feel worthless, it's hard not to feel hopeless, and I'm feeling very impatient.
Thanks for listening. Has anyone seen the other side?
I have been very depressed on and off for a few years because of health and school issues. It has really broken me down. I've been getting therapy for it, but it is taking time. I have a lot of ups and downs. I can see how it can wear on a person after some time, and I respect his frustration. However, he, of course, doesn't talk to me about it and just bottles it up. He doesn't want to have sex (unless he initiates-I can't EVER initiate), he refuses (literally) to help me with the housework, and he has just shut me out of every aspect of his life. I don't know his friends, he doesn't like me to stop into work, and I only really see him at the house.
He said that he doesn't feel like I can take care of anything-not myself, not the house, and certainly not kids. All he has ever wanted is to be a father, and he said that he hates me for the fact that he can't see himself having a family with me right now. He says that what I need to do is get my head out of my butt and get my stuff together, except he didn't use such PG vocabulary. For him to use vulgar language, I know it is bad. A few days ago, he wouldn't tell me that things were fixable. Since then, he says he has seen the positive change, but I still feel like he is completely shut down. I can't fix everything over night, I know it will take some time. If he would have just said something sooner, I could have been working on it. This was all quite a shock. He has locked me out of everything except the house, and I'm growing more insecure the more that I find out.
I have no doubt that he has been faithful, and that's a huge plus. He says that I don't challenge him like I used to, and that I have completely lost my edge and sarcasm. I have. I used to be crazy in the beginning, but I've worked so hard to be less nuts that I seem to be at the other end of the extreme. I feel so insecure right now. Every day I feel more hopeless. I'm trying to be patient, it has only been a week, and he doesn't want to talk about it. He is finally letting me talk about how I feel, and I know that is a good sign, but I still feel like he has one foot out the door when he tells me that he's being prepared to do whatever he has to do.
I know that I'm doing about everything that I can right now, but I'm scared. We have gotten through so much over four years both with him and myself. He won't go to counseling, and he doesn't want to talk about it. He just expects me to change and that he doesn't have to. I feel worthless, it's hard not to feel hopeless, and I'm feeling very impatient.
Thanks for listening. Has anyone seen the other side?
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