I'm 22, just about to finish my final year at uni and then I'll be off to Sussex to do a PhD. I have only ever had one relationship, which lasted only 2 and a half months, and this ended about 1 and a half years ago and I'm still having trouble getting over it (well, it fluctuates).
For the past few months I've been feeling quite depressed (so I've been on medication) and I also suffer from Asperger's Syndrome. As a result, I find it really difficult to understand relationship behaviour and dynamics and alongside other factors, I find it really hard to imagine myself ever being in another relationship. Even when I was in a relationship, my ex-girlfriend ended it because she didn't really feel she was 'in' the relationship and so I don't feel as though I was truly loved in the traditional sense but that I was used emotionally because she didn't have any friends apart from me. Also, she was quite turbulent psychologically, in non-typical ways, and what with one thing and another, this has given me a tainted view of what relationships are like, which has made me scared to try and go for another one.
There are physical attributes about me which I'm aware can be improved (e.g. stop wearing glasses, lose some weight) but still, I'm looking at it all from a psychological point of view and the fact is that I just don't have the confidence to approach any girls. I don't believe that changing my lifestyle will have a massive impact (and if at all, I'd want to change it for general health and wellbeing more than anything else) because they won't be a direct solution to my negative thinking patterns. My housemates at uni have all had recent relationships, two of them currently in relationships with girls, and they are all also a bit weird (not that there's anything wrong with that, mind). However, they still have the confidence to approach women and they feel that even if things end badly, it doesn't really mean anything in the long term and that they should just go for it. This means that despite their flaws, they still have the confidence to speak to girls and initiate relation ships. I am the exact opposite. Once actually in a relationship I can do a really good job of treating my partner well and making her feel loved, but it's mainly the courtship and dating part that I deem incomprehensible.
This is because I am naturally an extremely sensitive person who struggles to deal with criticism and what people might think of me, so one of my biggest fears is that if I approach a girl in a specific situation and it doesn't end the way I anticipated, then I won't be able to deal with the bad things they might think about me in order to have wanted to reject or ignore me, whether they say anything about it or not. Then I end up dwelling on it and keep thinking about what it might say about me. Also, I generally am not in a great place to have a relationship, but at the same time I also really miss the positive aspects of a relationship, which includes having someone to talk to about your day, physical company to cuddle and intimate relations. It kind of makes me want to buy a very large stuffed animal so that I have something to cuddle (-100 LAD points I know!)
I've bought a book on how to deal with relationships as a male Asperger's Syndrome sufferer and I've started reading it. However, what advice can you all offer on making myself more confident psychologically and not being afraid of socialising with girls in casual situations?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment