In everyone's experience, what would you say the odds of a separation actually helping a marriage are?
3 months ago, my wife of 14 years told me she was unhappy. We discussed the reasons and she had some vary valid complaints about things I've done or not done. We've discussed a slow build in the distance between us over the last year or two and how it seemed like we were just going through the paces.
Hearing this hurt, but at the same time, it was a wake up call. I love her, she loves me...let's fix these things and get back to what we were when both of us were happy. I was actually happy to have these conversations. We even began MC and the therapist said she had seen a lot of bad marriages, but she fully believed we had what it took to be happy and work this out.
Fast forward to now...my wife says she doesn't think she is in love anymore. She "loves" me but may not be "in love" with me. She doesn't want to have sex "right now". Anytime I want to discuss the issues, she feels "stifled" so she think she needs some space from the elephant in the room. I am moving out in a couple weeks and I'm not sure this is going to solve anything.
My thought is that a separation just gets her farther from the issues, makes her more comfortable and eventually she'll just give up. Of course, I don't want a separation, but I also can't stand to live in these circumstances much longer either. I want it to work. I'd hate to throw away a 20 year relationship and 14 years of marriage in what seems like overnight.
Do they come back from separations learning that things are and were good and that we can work it out or should I consider this over and start preparing myself for that?
3 months ago, my wife of 14 years told me she was unhappy. We discussed the reasons and she had some vary valid complaints about things I've done or not done. We've discussed a slow build in the distance between us over the last year or two and how it seemed like we were just going through the paces.
Hearing this hurt, but at the same time, it was a wake up call. I love her, she loves me...let's fix these things and get back to what we were when both of us were happy. I was actually happy to have these conversations. We even began MC and the therapist said she had seen a lot of bad marriages, but she fully believed we had what it took to be happy and work this out.
Fast forward to now...my wife says she doesn't think she is in love anymore. She "loves" me but may not be "in love" with me. She doesn't want to have sex "right now". Anytime I want to discuss the issues, she feels "stifled" so she think she needs some space from the elephant in the room. I am moving out in a couple weeks and I'm not sure this is going to solve anything.
My thought is that a separation just gets her farther from the issues, makes her more comfortable and eventually she'll just give up. Of course, I don't want a separation, but I also can't stand to live in these circumstances much longer either. I want it to work. I'd hate to throw away a 20 year relationship and 14 years of marriage in what seems like overnight.
Do they come back from separations learning that things are and were good and that we can work it out or should I consider this over and start preparing myself for that?
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