I know I posted on this forum a long time ago, but I can't seem to find it so i'm not sure what was said. However ...
We've been married since 1975. If anything, I was probably a borderline alcoholic and within a few years of being married, I seemed like she was too.
About 6 years later, the wife broke down in a hysterical fit and admitted she'd spent the night with someone while I was gone for a week. A couple of her school-friends had done that to their husbands before we were married (all ended with a divorce) and she'd sworn up and down that she would never do anything like that to me. It hurt me so bad back then that, well, you figure it out. If it wasn't for us having a daughter, we'd have been done. And for the ensuing 10 years or so, whenever we had a fight, i'd end up calling her a cheating ****, etc. She would later say that she wasn't sure what was worse; what actually happened or the constant verbal abuse. I've never forgotten about it but 'put it behind us'. She cried so many times (and so did I) that it the last straw. She'd offered an uncontested divorce or anything else when she first admitted this. After the years of using it against her, she threatened to file for divorce. Let's just say that the topic wasn't brought u p again; I suppose that, in all fairness, it took some guts for her to admit it; if she hadn't, i'd have never known.
Being alkies, i'm surprised we never killed each other. We would have some drunken fights that weren't pretty. I was working a 2nd shift job & by the time i'd get home, she'd be wicked drunk & sometimes start a fight the minute I opened the door.If a fight didn't start, i'd quickly catch up to her in the being drunk department. This wasn't every night, but it got to a point where I hated to go home. In a fit of reality, I realized we might kill each other, I remember suggesting we chill out on the booze; we did, for a week, but it started right back up.
In the meantime, i'd met a woman at work. I suppose i'll admit that I was attracted to her, but, being married, would never do anything. If anything, she was a person I talked to & that was it. I even invited her to party one night .. at our house. She was the one that asked if be interested in a 'quickie'. Thanks, but no thanks! She would tell me she wasn't drunk, was very attracted to me & one night, she and I did a few hours in a hotel room. Two wrongs do not make a right but I admitted it to the 'Mrs'. She was upset as i'd been years ago, bu said she'd forgive me.
Just before the 'turn of the century' (seriously) we moved to a secluded house 'in the sticks'. Our daughter had since started her own life 'back home' so this was just the two of us. And this is where we 'let our hair down' (so to speak). Aside from a few beers now and then, we quit drinking like fish!We can do anything we want up here & believe me, the two us would go at like newlyweds .. several times a day! It was great and went on for 13 more years.
That's when things changed. I'd gotten a new job and normally worked from 5:45AM to 2pm. On the other hand, she was changed to working from 1pm to 10pm. Having only 1 car, we suffered from lack of sleep (having to go get the other one .. or bringing one to work). We'd hardly see each other. And as time passed, she went through this phase saying she's gotten fat (she hasn't!), etc., and not really interested in having sex. Friends that I confided to suggested it's that change of life thing and give it time. Maybe their right; or I hope so anyway.
2 days before Easter, we had fight over something stupid. She was wrong & I proved it but my nose was totally out of joint when she wouldn't say she was sorry for what she'd said. That Easter, we were doing to our daughters place for dinner but I wanted nothing to do with the 'Mrs' .. unless she apologized. She wouldn't and I didn't go. (I did apologize to our daughter and family .. they didn't need to have me act like that toward them).
Later that week, i'd gotten very sick on a day off. I was due for work the next morning, said i'd take the car & tell them I was very ill and leaving by 9:30. That way, she could sleep. I got a ration of dung; what if they don't let me go early? She would need the car to get to work. Suit yourself dear; i'll only be calling for a ride at 9:30. And, like advertised, I call her for a ride & she refused. I was pissed, said i'd walk home & slammed down the phone. I started walking & eventually she came along. However, as soon as we got home, she hit the shower and got ready for work. As she went to head off, I asked why so early. Her response was 'I want to sell this house and I want a divorce!' When asked what was up, I was told it's due to the years of abuse. What abuse? You say you've gotten fat, don't feel sexy anymore & that's bull! You are very sexy, to me! I was given the '1 finger salute' and she left. Needless to say, I was devastated. A day later, I spoke with our daughter & she admitted that 'mom' had said she hated that we never never did anything together. She'd also said she'd asked her if there was someone else & was told 'no'. I suppose I wouldn't admit to it if I were seeing someone else. We did a 4 day get-away shortly afterwards. It was fun, but not long enough. What did stink, was after that, it was like she never wanted me to see her naked .. or in any stage of undress.
Still on 'egg-shells' (but still under one roof together), I had the day this particular day off, and for some reason, needed a safety pin. I go to the only place I know where she keeps them & there's a couple of 'sex toys'. That night, I tell why I was in the drawer and what I found. 'I need relief now and then! Oh well!'
A few days later, i'm again off & as she's headed off to work, I tell her i'm going to clean out our 'junk drawer'. I make 3 piles; one to toss out, one to keep and one to go through to check to see which of the two piles to toss 'em in. As i'm in the last pile, I come across a greeting card, in an envelope but it seems like there's more than just a card. What the heck, stuff gets jammed in there. I opened the envelope and about died.
This was a birthday card, from some guy and addressed to 'angel-eyes'. Those 'things' that were also in the envelope were 2 'love notes' .. 'how she made him feel so alive', etc. The last one was a 'note' saying he'd recently seen us together, knows there's something between us & will come be the cause of a problem. He would still like to be friends though.'
There was a 30 pack of beer in our fridge & I started drinking like a fish. Two times I put a gun to my head. I called our daughter, and very dear friend of ours to tell them what was up, and say goodbye. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be doing this.
I was very drunk when she arrived back home. She insisted I go to bed but I wanted to 'visit' for a bit. An hour later, I told her what i'd found. She insisted that I was wrong; yes, they were friends but that was it. So what's the deal about not being the cause of problems between US? As said before, if something IS going on, would you admit to it? A few months later, she was fired from her job (and away from him). We were having a talk one night, she says she'd like to start her own business & tell her i'd be okay with it; but since i've no idea what's to become of the two of us, is it worth it? Her response what 'that's over with. I don't want a divorce, etc.' Wait a moment, if you are friends, you don't end it .. unless one screws the other one over in a bad way. I thought nothing was going on. 'Nothing ever happened!' Yeah, right! But, since I have no real proof, what else am I supposed to believe?
That was a few years ago & although i've been leery, I suppose I need to deal with it & maybe it's me. Of course she still has no insterest in sex.
That was until a couple of weeks ago. Right now, money is tight & we decided that there was no need to to exchange Valentine's day cards. I felt like crap when she game me one & I didn't reciprocate. She said it was okay.
2 days later, she'd been at work & was dying for a smoke. She'll usually get some smokes for me on the way home, and I hinted at it that morning. She'd been up since the crack of dawn, came home early & went for a nap. I never asked if she stopped. I'm gonna head off and get a pack, I just need the car keys. I find them in her purse, along with an undelivered Valentine's card .. for him. Although I don't recall every word she'd written, at the bottom, she tells him it's been a long time, and can't wait until they get together so she can show him how much she loves him.
I went ballistic! She woke up from her nap when she heard me hollering & that's when I confronted her. She was pissed that I looked at the card & then broke down in tears. Again she insists that there's never been anything going on. She misses me holding her & for some brief moment, was stupid. She bought the card, and admits to writing that stuff, but she'd rather have me.
I'm sorry, I do not trust her. I'm already thinking of leaving and now have 2 places to go. I just don't know what to believe any longer.
We've been married since 1975. If anything, I was probably a borderline alcoholic and within a few years of being married, I seemed like she was too.
About 6 years later, the wife broke down in a hysterical fit and admitted she'd spent the night with someone while I was gone for a week. A couple of her school-friends had done that to their husbands before we were married (all ended with a divorce) and she'd sworn up and down that she would never do anything like that to me. It hurt me so bad back then that, well, you figure it out. If it wasn't for us having a daughter, we'd have been done. And for the ensuing 10 years or so, whenever we had a fight, i'd end up calling her a cheating ****, etc. She would later say that she wasn't sure what was worse; what actually happened or the constant verbal abuse. I've never forgotten about it but 'put it behind us'. She cried so many times (and so did I) that it the last straw. She'd offered an uncontested divorce or anything else when she first admitted this. After the years of using it against her, she threatened to file for divorce. Let's just say that the topic wasn't brought u p again; I suppose that, in all fairness, it took some guts for her to admit it; if she hadn't, i'd have never known.
Being alkies, i'm surprised we never killed each other. We would have some drunken fights that weren't pretty. I was working a 2nd shift job & by the time i'd get home, she'd be wicked drunk & sometimes start a fight the minute I opened the door.If a fight didn't start, i'd quickly catch up to her in the being drunk department. This wasn't every night, but it got to a point where I hated to go home. In a fit of reality, I realized we might kill each other, I remember suggesting we chill out on the booze; we did, for a week, but it started right back up.
In the meantime, i'd met a woman at work. I suppose i'll admit that I was attracted to her, but, being married, would never do anything. If anything, she was a person I talked to & that was it. I even invited her to party one night .. at our house. She was the one that asked if be interested in a 'quickie'. Thanks, but no thanks! She would tell me she wasn't drunk, was very attracted to me & one night, she and I did a few hours in a hotel room. Two wrongs do not make a right but I admitted it to the 'Mrs'. She was upset as i'd been years ago, bu said she'd forgive me.
Just before the 'turn of the century' (seriously) we moved to a secluded house 'in the sticks'. Our daughter had since started her own life 'back home' so this was just the two of us. And this is where we 'let our hair down' (so to speak). Aside from a few beers now and then, we quit drinking like fish!We can do anything we want up here & believe me, the two us would go at like newlyweds .. several times a day! It was great and went on for 13 more years.
That's when things changed. I'd gotten a new job and normally worked from 5:45AM to 2pm. On the other hand, she was changed to working from 1pm to 10pm. Having only 1 car, we suffered from lack of sleep (having to go get the other one .. or bringing one to work). We'd hardly see each other. And as time passed, she went through this phase saying she's gotten fat (she hasn't!), etc., and not really interested in having sex. Friends that I confided to suggested it's that change of life thing and give it time. Maybe their right; or I hope so anyway.
2 days before Easter, we had fight over something stupid. She was wrong & I proved it but my nose was totally out of joint when she wouldn't say she was sorry for what she'd said. That Easter, we were doing to our daughters place for dinner but I wanted nothing to do with the 'Mrs' .. unless she apologized. She wouldn't and I didn't go. (I did apologize to our daughter and family .. they didn't need to have me act like that toward them).
Later that week, i'd gotten very sick on a day off. I was due for work the next morning, said i'd take the car & tell them I was very ill and leaving by 9:30. That way, she could sleep. I got a ration of dung; what if they don't let me go early? She would need the car to get to work. Suit yourself dear; i'll only be calling for a ride at 9:30. And, like advertised, I call her for a ride & she refused. I was pissed, said i'd walk home & slammed down the phone. I started walking & eventually she came along. However, as soon as we got home, she hit the shower and got ready for work. As she went to head off, I asked why so early. Her response was 'I want to sell this house and I want a divorce!' When asked what was up, I was told it's due to the years of abuse. What abuse? You say you've gotten fat, don't feel sexy anymore & that's bull! You are very sexy, to me! I was given the '1 finger salute' and she left. Needless to say, I was devastated. A day later, I spoke with our daughter & she admitted that 'mom' had said she hated that we never never did anything together. She'd also said she'd asked her if there was someone else & was told 'no'. I suppose I wouldn't admit to it if I were seeing someone else. We did a 4 day get-away shortly afterwards. It was fun, but not long enough. What did stink, was after that, it was like she never wanted me to see her naked .. or in any stage of undress.
Still on 'egg-shells' (but still under one roof together), I had the day this particular day off, and for some reason, needed a safety pin. I go to the only place I know where she keeps them & there's a couple of 'sex toys'. That night, I tell why I was in the drawer and what I found. 'I need relief now and then! Oh well!'
A few days later, i'm again off & as she's headed off to work, I tell her i'm going to clean out our 'junk drawer'. I make 3 piles; one to toss out, one to keep and one to go through to check to see which of the two piles to toss 'em in. As i'm in the last pile, I come across a greeting card, in an envelope but it seems like there's more than just a card. What the heck, stuff gets jammed in there. I opened the envelope and about died.
This was a birthday card, from some guy and addressed to 'angel-eyes'. Those 'things' that were also in the envelope were 2 'love notes' .. 'how she made him feel so alive', etc. The last one was a 'note' saying he'd recently seen us together, knows there's something between us & will come be the cause of a problem. He would still like to be friends though.'
There was a 30 pack of beer in our fridge & I started drinking like a fish. Two times I put a gun to my head. I called our daughter, and very dear friend of ours to tell them what was up, and say goodbye. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be doing this.
I was very drunk when she arrived back home. She insisted I go to bed but I wanted to 'visit' for a bit. An hour later, I told her what i'd found. She insisted that I was wrong; yes, they were friends but that was it. So what's the deal about not being the cause of problems between US? As said before, if something IS going on, would you admit to it? A few months later, she was fired from her job (and away from him). We were having a talk one night, she says she'd like to start her own business & tell her i'd be okay with it; but since i've no idea what's to become of the two of us, is it worth it? Her response what 'that's over with. I don't want a divorce, etc.' Wait a moment, if you are friends, you don't end it .. unless one screws the other one over in a bad way. I thought nothing was going on. 'Nothing ever happened!' Yeah, right! But, since I have no real proof, what else am I supposed to believe?
That was a few years ago & although i've been leery, I suppose I need to deal with it & maybe it's me. Of course she still has no insterest in sex.
That was until a couple of weeks ago. Right now, money is tight & we decided that there was no need to to exchange Valentine's day cards. I felt like crap when she game me one & I didn't reciprocate. She said it was okay.
2 days later, she'd been at work & was dying for a smoke. She'll usually get some smokes for me on the way home, and I hinted at it that morning. She'd been up since the crack of dawn, came home early & went for a nap. I never asked if she stopped. I'm gonna head off and get a pack, I just need the car keys. I find them in her purse, along with an undelivered Valentine's card .. for him. Although I don't recall every word she'd written, at the bottom, she tells him it's been a long time, and can't wait until they get together so she can show him how much she loves him.
I went ballistic! She woke up from her nap when she heard me hollering & that's when I confronted her. She was pissed that I looked at the card & then broke down in tears. Again she insists that there's never been anything going on. She misses me holding her & for some brief moment, was stupid. She bought the card, and admits to writing that stuff, but she'd rather have me.
I'm sorry, I do not trust her. I'm already thinking of leaving and now have 2 places to go. I just don't know what to believe any longer.
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