Hi. First time posting. This goes back so long, over not just finances but also online infidelity (on my part). Now I'm at the breaking point.
The affair happened with one person halfway across the country several times over a few years, and ended in April. I have not wanted nor had any contact. Obviously trust issues are a big part of my marriage. We have been in therapy since shortly after (May), and much of what we've learned is the way I react to things is push them aside, quickly lie about them to avoid trouble, while making bigger messes. Now that has happened big time in regards to my finances.
I will completely admit that I am not very responsible, I've taken $$ from various accounts to cover others, and even taken from my wife's personal account to deposit in ours without her knowledge. We (really I because I've done the taxes) have racked up tens of thousands in back taxes, and yesterday our state froze her personal account, and another is on the way for our joint. I was not responsible for handling this situation previously, and I pleaded to not punish my wife and 4 year olds (who no doubt will leave me now) for my actions. She wanted me this morning to look into why her one account was all negative, and I will tell her the truth. I am at the lowest point in my life and I realize I have nobody to blame but myself. I promised to change my ways, but did not. I became worse.
I am lost. I know I will garner no sympathy here, and I'm not looking for any. I was wrong, I am full of regret and remorse and have told the state tax person to go after me and nobody else. It's even come to the point where I have written letters to family and other people explaining things and apologizing. I've been in dark places while writing them, and I admit to even leaving it open ended in terms of not being around anymore.
Can anyone provide me with advice? As I said, if it is harsh so be it. I get it. I truly, truly do. I have been an awful husband, father and citizen here. I recognize that. No pity party here, just for once in my life I am owning my stuff. Completely.
Thanks.
The affair happened with one person halfway across the country several times over a few years, and ended in April. I have not wanted nor had any contact. Obviously trust issues are a big part of my marriage. We have been in therapy since shortly after (May), and much of what we've learned is the way I react to things is push them aside, quickly lie about them to avoid trouble, while making bigger messes. Now that has happened big time in regards to my finances.
I will completely admit that I am not very responsible, I've taken $$ from various accounts to cover others, and even taken from my wife's personal account to deposit in ours without her knowledge. We (really I because I've done the taxes) have racked up tens of thousands in back taxes, and yesterday our state froze her personal account, and another is on the way for our joint. I was not responsible for handling this situation previously, and I pleaded to not punish my wife and 4 year olds (who no doubt will leave me now) for my actions. She wanted me this morning to look into why her one account was all negative, and I will tell her the truth. I am at the lowest point in my life and I realize I have nobody to blame but myself. I promised to change my ways, but did not. I became worse.
I am lost. I know I will garner no sympathy here, and I'm not looking for any. I was wrong, I am full of regret and remorse and have told the state tax person to go after me and nobody else. It's even come to the point where I have written letters to family and other people explaining things and apologizing. I've been in dark places while writing them, and I admit to even leaving it open ended in terms of not being around anymore.
Can anyone provide me with advice? As I said, if it is harsh so be it. I get it. I truly, truly do. I have been an awful husband, father and citizen here. I recognize that. No pity party here, just for once in my life I am owning my stuff. Completely.
Thanks.
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