I was reading another thread, well several other threads, and I wanted to kind of pose a few questions here about sex and the issues many of us seem to have. I also googled complaints by spouses - mainly women complained about men being selfish and not hearing them when they talk (like tuning them out) and men complained about women nagging and their lack of sexual desire I know not exactly scientific evidence but it was interesting to read several sites.
Men have much stronger sexual urges than women for the most part. Some men say they are very visual and need visual stimulation for both intercourse and masturbation (Porn, lights on, lingerie etc).
Some women have stated that they need their emotional needs met by men in order to feel sexually aroused by them. Some women like to feel like they are the only one their husband will fantasize about or think about sexually.
Some of the men here on TAM have justified porn use and looking at other women while their wives are with them. Some women have voice opinions about their dislike of porn and how it's disrespectful for men to look at other women in front of their wives. Again, this is only some. I realize some women could really care less because they are confident in their relationship / spouse.
Are these factors in sexless marriages? We know some women and men hold resentments so if this stuff happens early on in a marriage (first 5 years or so) would it cause long term damage that could leave the marriage sexless because their cycle to continue?
Cycle 1:
- Woman doesn't feel emotionally connected or feels disrespected from the man watching porn/looking at other women -- she says no to sex -- man feels unwanted, but still has desires -- he watches porn/looks at other women to fill his needs -- rinse and repeat.
OR Cycle 2:
-Man watches porn/looks at other woman because he thinks it's harmless - wife notices and is hurt, she says no to sex- man still has urges and watches porn or looks at another woman - women finds out again - rinse and repeat
In a perfect world, communication would solve all of this. Unfortunately, many people are set in their ways or did not realize some habits of their spouse before marriage. Is there any middle ground? Is this ultimately what causes affairs/divorce that are sexless related?
Just as some men need their visual stimulation, some women need to feel secure in that their emotional needs will be met and the man isn't fantasizing about other women. I guess call it biological or respect or whatever. I've noticed many threads where women will disagree with porn, men will defend it, women will disagree that men need to look at other women in public, men say they do...it's a big he said she said type deal. How do we compromise?
On the flip side, is it more than this? Is it really lack of desire? Is it just that attraction is gone? Is it boredom? All of the above?
What do you think?
Men have much stronger sexual urges than women for the most part. Some men say they are very visual and need visual stimulation for both intercourse and masturbation (Porn, lights on, lingerie etc).
Some women have stated that they need their emotional needs met by men in order to feel sexually aroused by them. Some women like to feel like they are the only one their husband will fantasize about or think about sexually.
Some of the men here on TAM have justified porn use and looking at other women while their wives are with them. Some women have voice opinions about their dislike of porn and how it's disrespectful for men to look at other women in front of their wives. Again, this is only some. I realize some women could really care less because they are confident in their relationship / spouse.
Are these factors in sexless marriages? We know some women and men hold resentments so if this stuff happens early on in a marriage (first 5 years or so) would it cause long term damage that could leave the marriage sexless because their cycle to continue?
Cycle 1:
- Woman doesn't feel emotionally connected or feels disrespected from the man watching porn/looking at other women -- she says no to sex -- man feels unwanted, but still has desires -- he watches porn/looks at other women to fill his needs -- rinse and repeat.
OR Cycle 2:
-Man watches porn/looks at other woman because he thinks it's harmless - wife notices and is hurt, she says no to sex- man still has urges and watches porn or looks at another woman - women finds out again - rinse and repeat
In a perfect world, communication would solve all of this. Unfortunately, many people are set in their ways or did not realize some habits of their spouse before marriage. Is there any middle ground? Is this ultimately what causes affairs/divorce that are sexless related?
Just as some men need their visual stimulation, some women need to feel secure in that their emotional needs will be met and the man isn't fantasizing about other women. I guess call it biological or respect or whatever. I've noticed many threads where women will disagree with porn, men will defend it, women will disagree that men need to look at other women in public, men say they do...it's a big he said she said type deal. How do we compromise?
On the flip side, is it more than this? Is it really lack of desire? Is it just that attraction is gone? Is it boredom? All of the above?
What do you think?
Put the internet to work for you.
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