Not sure if this is a sex problem or relationship or both but it involves sex so I posted it here.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years,have 5 children together and up until recently I thought we knew everything about each other,after 13 years who wouldn't!
Turns out I was wrong and now I'm very confused and for some reason very lonely.
After finding out about several lies my husband has told me and fighting and crying we finally sat down and he agreed to come clean with me. I was not prepared for where the conversation would lead.
We started talking about sex and eventually got to fantasies, mine where things like having sex on the kitchen table (with 5 kids we are pretty much confined to the bedroom and only at night) and some slapping and hair pulling. We've done a lot of other things and I thought we had a pretty fulfilling sex life until he told me his fantasies.
He wants me to pee on him, okay with a little wine I could probably manage,no biggie. He wants to smell my underarms after I've gone a day without deodorant, again not really my thing but I'll do it for him, if that makes him happy.
Then he hits me with he wants to be made up like a women,head to toe,wig,makeup,bra panties and buy a strap on for me to wear. I did'nt gasp in horror, I was caught off guard but hid it well. Honestly I'm really not that shocked,I'm pretty open minded and at the end of the day my #1 fantasy is to please him,so if that's what he wants I will do it for him.
We start talking about it more,I assume it's a new thing but turns out it's been going on for at least 8 years. He wears my shoes,panties,bras and dresses when I'm out. Finds my worn panties to smell while he does what he does. Still not grossed out or upset. He tells me he wants to go out to a bar sometime dressed as a woman and will I go with him. I tell him yes,I make sure that I am nothing but supportive and even encouraging. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable or to regret telling me or to start lying again.
We actually did what he wanted that night,I picked him out an outfit,did his makeup and even stuffed his bra with socks.
So know after it's said and done I'm feeling very hurt. He kept that from me for years, I'm sure it was even longer then 8 years. He's been carrying out this fantasy without me and I feel left out.
Does this mean all the other stuff we do isn't satisfying? If he kept something big like this from me what else is he hiding?
I have a million questions but if I go to him I'm worried he will be embarrassed or get angry.
I was the one who pushed him to tell me everything so do I even have the right to question him?
And what if I don't actually like his fantasies but I do them to make him happy but I feel crappy about it afterward. If I don't do them does them mean he will stay unsatisfied?
A million and one questions really.
Right now I feel like I don't even know him, I only know the person he has been pretending to be for 13 years. I'm confused and rambling sorry.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years,have 5 children together and up until recently I thought we knew everything about each other,after 13 years who wouldn't!
Turns out I was wrong and now I'm very confused and for some reason very lonely.
After finding out about several lies my husband has told me and fighting and crying we finally sat down and he agreed to come clean with me. I was not prepared for where the conversation would lead.
We started talking about sex and eventually got to fantasies, mine where things like having sex on the kitchen table (with 5 kids we are pretty much confined to the bedroom and only at night) and some slapping and hair pulling. We've done a lot of other things and I thought we had a pretty fulfilling sex life until he told me his fantasies.
He wants me to pee on him, okay with a little wine I could probably manage,no biggie. He wants to smell my underarms after I've gone a day without deodorant, again not really my thing but I'll do it for him, if that makes him happy.
Then he hits me with he wants to be made up like a women,head to toe,wig,makeup,bra panties and buy a strap on for me to wear. I did'nt gasp in horror, I was caught off guard but hid it well. Honestly I'm really not that shocked,I'm pretty open minded and at the end of the day my #1 fantasy is to please him,so if that's what he wants I will do it for him.
We start talking about it more,I assume it's a new thing but turns out it's been going on for at least 8 years. He wears my shoes,panties,bras and dresses when I'm out. Finds my worn panties to smell while he does what he does. Still not grossed out or upset. He tells me he wants to go out to a bar sometime dressed as a woman and will I go with him. I tell him yes,I make sure that I am nothing but supportive and even encouraging. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable or to regret telling me or to start lying again.
We actually did what he wanted that night,I picked him out an outfit,did his makeup and even stuffed his bra with socks.
So know after it's said and done I'm feeling very hurt. He kept that from me for years, I'm sure it was even longer then 8 years. He's been carrying out this fantasy without me and I feel left out.
Does this mean all the other stuff we do isn't satisfying? If he kept something big like this from me what else is he hiding?
I have a million questions but if I go to him I'm worried he will be embarrassed or get angry.
I was the one who pushed him to tell me everything so do I even have the right to question him?
And what if I don't actually like his fantasies but I do them to make him happy but I feel crappy about it afterward. If I don't do them does them mean he will stay unsatisfied?
A million and one questions really.
Right now I feel like I don't even know him, I only know the person he has been pretending to be for 13 years. I'm confused and rambling sorry.
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