Hi all, I am a 35 year old man married to my wife for 8 years. We have two beautiful little girls ages 7 and 4. Our relationship is very loving, we both believe we are each others soul mates, well, at least I do. My wife says she loves me blindly and I truly do feel loved by her. We are both in very good shape and both very much physically attracted to each other. Sex is amazing, it's been getting better and better each passing year. I mean compared to some other marriages, I think we are very lucky to still have the same passion as we did when we first met. We only have 1-2 serious arguments per year, but always find a way to work it out and get over the hump. I am starting to think though that the only reason that is, is because I am always trying to mold myself and to better fit my wife's expectations of a great husband. Every time she has an issue with something, I listen to her and change my behavior to make her happy. The problem is, that when I hav e an issue with something she does, she always makes it seem that it is my problem and I should just except her as she is and deal with it...
Here is the issue I am having... How would you feel???
I come home from a business trip unannounced at 4am in the morning and I find my wive's very good guy friend at the house. They are a little drunk, and seem pretty surprised to see me home. He acts a little uncomfortable, but I would too if someone's husband walked in on me at their house at 4am in the morning. I know the guy, but we are not good friends. The were not doing anything inappropriate, but I think it is very strange and disrespectful to have a guy over till 4am when you are married and a mother and you have responsibilities in the morning with the kids, it's Tuesday night by the way. So I make a big stink about it, my wife assures me that she thinks of this guy as a brother and stuff and never in any romantic way, and I believe her but never the less I think it is very inappropriate in my opinion. I would never have a female over till 4am if she was away on business. I think it is disrespectful.
Few days later, while I am still bitter about the previous incident. My wife and a friend go to a girl yoga related gathering and I stay home with the kids. She tells me that they will be home by midnight. Well, midnight comes and goes and it's 1am so I give her a call, since I am waiting up for her. After 3 attempts when she did not pick up the phone, I activate the "Find My Phone" feature on my iPhone and since we are on the same account, I see where she is at. Partly because I am worried because she is not answering my calls. I see that she is at her Guy friend's house. The same guy from the night before. At 1:30am after what happened a few days earlier and I voiced my concern that I did not want her hanging out with this guy at inappropriate hours of the night. I trust her completely and I don't suspect that she is cheating on me at all, it's more about the respect of being a responsible wife. I would not do this with a female friend, and I know she would not approve of m e doing the same. But when I confronted her about it, she flips it on me and says that it is my jealousy and lack of self love that is making me have all these feelings and that she is honest with me and never lied to me about anything. She accuses me of spying on her when she has given me no reason to, and says that I basically have no right to feel hurt and broken-hearted because she is always truthful with me. So I ask her just because you don't lie, that means you can do whatever you want? I have repeatedly asked her not to hang out with this guy till the wee hours of the morning with him and his 20something single friends. She is married, but want's to live the life of a single person that stays up till 5am or even spends the night at his place on occasions and expects me to feel that this is normal and ok and not be upset by it.
Am I wrong for feeling disrespected? How would you feel if your husband/wife behaved this way? What would you do?
Thanks for the replies ahead of time.
Here is the issue I am having... How would you feel???
I come home from a business trip unannounced at 4am in the morning and I find my wive's very good guy friend at the house. They are a little drunk, and seem pretty surprised to see me home. He acts a little uncomfortable, but I would too if someone's husband walked in on me at their house at 4am in the morning. I know the guy, but we are not good friends. The were not doing anything inappropriate, but I think it is very strange and disrespectful to have a guy over till 4am when you are married and a mother and you have responsibilities in the morning with the kids, it's Tuesday night by the way. So I make a big stink about it, my wife assures me that she thinks of this guy as a brother and stuff and never in any romantic way, and I believe her but never the less I think it is very inappropriate in my opinion. I would never have a female over till 4am if she was away on business. I think it is disrespectful.
Few days later, while I am still bitter about the previous incident. My wife and a friend go to a girl yoga related gathering and I stay home with the kids. She tells me that they will be home by midnight. Well, midnight comes and goes and it's 1am so I give her a call, since I am waiting up for her. After 3 attempts when she did not pick up the phone, I activate the "Find My Phone" feature on my iPhone and since we are on the same account, I see where she is at. Partly because I am worried because she is not answering my calls. I see that she is at her Guy friend's house. The same guy from the night before. At 1:30am after what happened a few days earlier and I voiced my concern that I did not want her hanging out with this guy at inappropriate hours of the night. I trust her completely and I don't suspect that she is cheating on me at all, it's more about the respect of being a responsible wife. I would not do this with a female friend, and I know she would not approve of m e doing the same. But when I confronted her about it, she flips it on me and says that it is my jealousy and lack of self love that is making me have all these feelings and that she is honest with me and never lied to me about anything. She accuses me of spying on her when she has given me no reason to, and says that I basically have no right to feel hurt and broken-hearted because she is always truthful with me. So I ask her just because you don't lie, that means you can do whatever you want? I have repeatedly asked her not to hang out with this guy till the wee hours of the morning with him and his 20something single friends. She is married, but want's to live the life of a single person that stays up till 5am or even spends the night at his place on occasions and expects me to feel that this is normal and ok and not be upset by it.
Am I wrong for feeling disrespected? How would you feel if your husband/wife behaved this way? What would you do?
Thanks for the replies ahead of time.
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