| Good morning and happy fathers day to the dads. I literally had a crap night w hubby. He again post dday said to me "no one would ever want to be with me" in addition to being cheated on lied to seperated and him deciding he wants me back post boundaries and 180 then me not trying cause of being unsure of extent then confesses and "cares" for a week. Then frustrated cause he lied so much trying to stay w family. He daid most of it wad true just lacked the sex adm. But for me it starts over. Wether i want a divorce is irrelevant. I just need to talk this out as getting d wont resolve the feelings i have of this. When he returned i honestly did not put any effort into M feeling like he came back for kids. I decided to wait it out a bit to see if he "heavy lifted". I noticed he did not initiate sex once. Appx. A few months later i iniated and he responded. Two months afterwards i told him i want divorce im tired of being sexless. He said he did not initiate out of respect to me. As he still holding thst big secret away from m e. Now again he says no one would ever want to be with me...rubbing salt in an open wound. note his AP was not as attractive overall as i was but every gf before me was more attractive. Beautiful. He calls them beautiful me pretty. What is AP had he said was confidence. I lack confidence or anyway not as much as he likes. Im a perfectionist. I lack confidence as i want to be pergect. So when he says this cruel remark do i take it as truth? Does he feel he's above me? He is very sexy very charming. Ranks above me i say. Ive heatd people tell him gee how did he get me but they havent seen his past gf. i feel so dejected. So incredibly depressed. Ive had guys interested in me but no one im seriously attracted too and only married ones. I will not destroy a family for sex. My kids been thru hell for what he did. I just esnt to know why after what he did and the guilt he said he quit for he degrades me so bad. He said things to me he never said before. He also said he didnt fal l in love mistly due to her looks. So the degrading me personally is what? I know he resented me before affair. Is degrading caused by affair fog, resentment, or maube its true he wishes he didnt marry me- said in anger. He did state while seperated he could do better than his ap. Boy wtf have i allowed myself to be put through. He said he wants to feel wanted needed desired. I cant at this poi t even tho im still very sexually attracted to him. But im very emotionally damaged by him. He also stated yest that i should know women do find him attractive etv...yes i know. But i wont be a f'n doormat. He said fri when i asked him what he wants..he said he wants happy sex w his wife etc. But sat. Said i dont want him..wants d. Then said does not want d....he is extremely irritable and my mood is not helping. We are two tornadoes crashing together. I suspect he burned out being a family tesponsible guy and in a selfish make up for youth guy. Cinflicted by responsibility selfishnes s just being male and cost of divorce versus trying in vain to be obligated to marriage vows. My emotions are co.plete anxiety depression. Im mid 40's. My looks are deteriorating i think too he might be looming for someone better looking. I feel like crap. Just venting as i have no one to talk to. He reminds me of that daily. Thanks. | |||
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