Your advice is greatly needed

I had my D-Day a week ago and I need help & advice, as I'm feeling confused and in terrible pain. I'll try to be as brief as I can: - We've been married for 16 years. A very happy marriage (companionship, sex, very few fights, etc.) for the most part, although we've both have had struggles with depression at times. -Two kids (11 & 14). They don't know, so far. I haven't told anyone else due to the humilliation this would entail. -For valid career reasons, wife stayed in a distant, foreign country for 4 months. There she had a 2 month affair with OM (said he was fun & romantic, me not so much, but definately not long-term prospect). -After her return, I caught her by accident (two weeks later, had kept daily e-mail contact with OM), although I suspected something was up previously as she had become rather distant. -Once confronted, she admitted the whole thing and said she'd broken off all contact that very day (seems truthful for the most part). However, she admits she still harbors feelings for the OM (likens the experience to quitting drugs cold turkey). -She has apologized, says she loves me and would like to stay if I'm willing to forgive and trust once again. We'll start to see a marriage counsellor tomorrow. -I still love her very much so despite this wrenching betrayal and would like to reconcile (not least for the kids). I'm willing to put everything into this. Please help me answer some questions: -I've seen a divorce lawyer (she knows) but have taken no further action. Would beginning to separate financial affairs set back or favor the reconciliation process? -Is it worthwhile to send an e-mail to OM (who lives very far away) telling him he's a nasty piece of work and caused a world of pain? I haven't done this so far and I'm not sure it's even worth it. Does this help closure in any way or lessen the chances of him contacting her again? -Telling the kids seems a terrible idea at this point, specially if there's a chance of working things out. Anyone disagree? -She's stayed in the house so far. Would having her move out help at all, specially considering that it would entail having the kids know? -Only two of her friends know and they live abroad. Would you recommend telling her family, my family and close friends? This would be horribly humiliating for me, shocking for everyone (believe me) and if reconciliation is achieved, possibly pointless, but support would be welcome. Any thoughts? As you can imagine, I oscillate constantly between hope and despair, so I could really benefit from the experience of others. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

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