| I am so frustrated. My marriage is a mess. I discovered yet again that my husband is on dating websites and texting other women. I"m positive that anyone who is reading this thinking confront him and leave. But it's a complicated and long story on how this began. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs. We have always had a rocky relationship due to the Internet. In fact we met on the Internet. But before we got married but was officially a couple we both were still chatting to other people on line. Of course we both found out about it and it caused some friction in our relationship. I forgave him but he has always held it against me. Fast forward 3 yrs into our marriage I discovered he was on face book and my space as single and looking. All his contacts were women. In addition to the face book and my space he was on IMVU virtual dating chat room; which at the time I didn't know. Of course I confronted him and as he final ly broke down and told me because I had the evidence in front of him. Oh but the drama doesn't stop there. I went through is phone and discovered he was on other dating websites. And no I still didn't know about IMVU. I was so disappointed and heart broken. I kept asking him why. He told me that we was a sex addict, he felt that I was not paying enough attention to him and he need some release. He said he never met any of these women. The only thing he as ever done was chat and sent text messages. I asked him did he ever go on the web cam and made phone calls. He says he didn't but some of the websites he had visited were web cam based. Fast forward a year after the big bust my husband comes to me and tells me that he wants US to go on IMVU and chat with other people. He said it would allow us to meet other people and increase our sex drive. At first I didn't know what to think. I was still hurting from the crap he's done but I wanted to be open and take some own ership on being neglectful. I had recognized that work, our son, and just having a new baby took some time away from our intimacy. So, I decided to join IMVU with him. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a mistake. We didn't do the IMVU together. Instead it tore us apart. We were working completely opposite schedules at this point. So we only saw each other on the weekends. And when were were together I was with the kids while he slept most of the day cause of him working 3rd shift. I was bored and alone. So my only connection to adults was IMVU. I was meeting new people and he became jealous. He felt cheated and deprived; rightfully so. All my free time was spent on IMVU while he was at work or asleep. In the process I meet some really nice guys whom I made a connection with. Yes, I participated in sex-ting and swoped emails but I never gave my number, texted, send pics or did web cam. Keep in mind my husband was doing the same. And we both agreed it was ok . But as I said my husband became angry and jealous. In fact he became so upset he pulled the plug. He pulled the plug because he found out I was sending emails. Which was not in the agreement. He was so angry. I had never seen him that hurt. I felt so bad. I did everything to make up for the mistake. I'm still paying for that mistake even today. Fast forward another 5 months. He comes to me again wanting to go on IMVU. This time I said no. This is not good for the marriage. He kept begging and said that WE would do it together. Finally after thinking about for a couple of weeks and he was already on IMVU, I gave in and agreed. This time I followed by the rules. Once again he became jealous and pulled the plug. He kept saying I was spending more time on that website then with him. Which was not true. I explained to him rather it's the website, tv, or the phone, the real problem is we just don't spend time together PERIOD. Fast forward 7 months we are in Sp rint getting new Iphones. Well that's when I discovered naked pics of women. And these weren't from porn sites. Then I saw text messages and apps for dating websites. I just walked out the store and left him. When he finally caught up with me instead of him being remorseful he was angry that I embarrassed him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was blaming me for neglecting his sexual needs, blaming my appearance, and bringing up the fact that I had sent emails during our IMVU stint. We argued for days. And if things could not get any worse I ran across an email. I hacked his account and found that he was yahooing and emailing women. In one of the emails he left his phone number and scheduled a meeting. I was so upset. Of course I confronted him. He said that they never met. He was just stringing her long so he could continue to get pics and continue the sex-ting. At that moment I asked for a divorce. He kept apologizing and kept swearing that he didn 't cheat. I didn't talk to him for weeks. I was so depressed. Fast forward 3 months later he comes to me about dating websites and craigs list. He suggests that we try it. Maybe it would put some spice in our marriage. It this point I am at a stage where I don't even care. And I figured we are so far removed from each other at this point why should he find companionship and I'm left high and dry. So, we both tried the dating website. In the process I discovered that the very day I had agreed to his plan he reached out the the same girl that he claims he never met. I confronted him about it. He kept saying that he reached out to her because she was easy to talk to and that it was hard to start from scratch to get good pics and good sex-ting. At this point I completely lost the love for him. And like before this agreement to text and chat with other people didnt last. But before it ended we were swoping iphones, reading each others texts messages, and we were both aware that we were sharing pics with other people. During this time I was getting my groove back. The guys that I talked to made me feel human again. I felt smart, attractive, and alive. But that came to an end because my husband felt it and became jealous. This time he was accusing me of actually meeting these people and cheating. Which I wasn't. So we pulled the plug on this one too. But my husband completely changed. Everyday we were arguing. The argueing became mean spirited. There wasn't a moment that we didn't argue. The arguments were so bad my aunt/uncle had and grandmother had to a family and marriage intervention. They litterally sat us down and talk to us about their marriage in hopes of saving ours. I was so humillitated. I wanted our problem to be private. Finally, I made and ultimatum to either divorce or go to counseling. So he agreed to counceling. We only went 3 times. He decided that we could figure out and solve our marriage problem on ou r own. He feels if I would just change then we would both be happy. He has a laundry list of things I need to work on from my hair, weight, cosmetic, work life, and how I socialize with the neighbors. I asked him was there anything that he liked about me. Cause according to his list I don't meet any of his requirements. Keep in mind the only thing I have ever asked from him was respect, fidelity, open communication, and unconditional love. So we agreed that we would work on our marriage and not to go on the internet; per counselor suggestion. Well 3 weeks ago I find out he's back at it again. I confronted him and asked him why. Of course he blamed our sex life and me. He takes no ownership for his behavior. I am so depressed and feel so defeated. I have been making financial plans to break away. I just got to work on my mental and emotional state to deal what may seem to be the ultimate end of our marriage. Im so crushed cause I feel like I failed. I don't ev en know who I am anymore. |
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