| Wandering around this forum made me remember this from when I was young. I'm not proud of it, but it did have an impact on my future interactions as a married woman. When I was 21 I worked part-time in an office while I went to college. (This was about 28 years ago.) The office had a recording studio that was next door and was associated with the business I worked at. It shared the same building. I got to know one of the guys who worked there. We struck up a friendship. He was fun to be with and we just hit it off as friends. He was 36, married, and had a jr. high age kid. At that time the friends I hung out with were all single and just dating. I didn't have a boyfriend at the time. I had as many male friends and female friends. So, to me he was just another friend. I was really niave. No, really, I was. The business I worked at didn't have a lounge to eat in (weird), so people would eat in their office or car or go out. I didn't have my own office because I was just a lowly little worker, so MM and I started to go out to nearby park sometimes for lunch. Also, I came a few times at night to watch someone recording songs (nobody even remotely famous). He worked the recording stuff. That was really fun. Anyways, we started spending more time together. He was the type who colored outside the lines and even though he was older it didn't seem like it. I remember I got to where I looked forward to seeing him. Then at one point I shared something with him and he gave me a hug. A really long hug. And, one other time we were in his car in the parking lot and again something was said and we held hands for a little bit. Shortly after the car incident I was in the executive secretaries office giving her something. She looked at me and said, "Please tell me that you're not having an affair with MM." My face turned hot and red and I was floored that she would ask me that. I told her no, I wasn't. But, that started rattling around in my head. That weekend I helped with children at a church retreat. It was at a big conference center that had a bookstore. I went in the bookstore and looked at the books and got a book that had something to do with friends/affairs. I don't remember the name. I read it and then threw it in the bottom of a trashcan because I didn't want anyone I knew to know I'd had that book. However, it gave me new perspective. After reading that book, when I came back to work I basically just dropped him. I was polite, but no more doing things together. I even remember that I got a boyfriend after a bit and he sent me flowers to the office. A coworker asked me who they were from. MM was nearby and took his time doing whatever as I told my coworker about the new boyfriend. I didn't work there much longer. After that I realized no befriending married men. As a wife to my husband I have always had very strong boundaries. Once married, I let all guy friendships lapse. We have couples that are mutual friends. The husband of one couple works with me. I am polite at work, but I keep him at arms length. In 23 years I've never even come close to crossing any boundaries. Here's my questions: 1. How did your boundaries form? Were they naturally there or did you have to consciously set them up like me? 2. Have you ever called anyone out on inappropriate behavior? I am so thankful for that woman who asked me a tough question. If more people did that, maybe others would think more about their actions. | |||
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