This is how it is

Any input would be greatly appreciated. Married over 20 years. Have what would best be described as a 'partnership' in that the household runs with both of us doing what needs to be done. That means--kids, kids events, kids to doctors, cooking, food shopping etc. Both have different days we get children off to school. Both work. She is not a very happy person, will not help me business wise if I need something emailed etc but will do anything for her family, the school etc. I am not important to her. Her extended family is very important to her. Most days and nights she is on the phone with her siblings. To the tune of over 300 calls a month and plus 1400 minutes (Not including cell usage). She hangs up on one and calls another. She plans combined family weekend getaways with them without running it by me. I only have a widowed Mother who is not included in these plans even when they involve holiday getaways. My Mother was displaced from her home for months during a recent storm. Wife never went to help or see her, she was busy excitedly on the phone about a family party held one week after the storm for one of her sisters (not held by us ). Constant phone calls and emails about the perfect gifts for her family member while my Mother was devastated. This went on thru Christmas. I am close to my Mother and do all I can for her. My Mom is good to my Wife and when she comes to visit doesn't interfere in any way and usually comes loaded with food and cooks meals for us to hav e during the week. Her Mother is critical. She has often attacked me verbally. I let it go. Never really complained about the extended family intrusion just let it go--first few years of marriage we battled constantly over holidays etc but it settled into her family and we included my Mom when possible. We have no true intimacy. Haven't kissed in years and when we did there were rules--no onions etc . Writing this is embarrassing. How did I live this way so long? We do not exist as a couple. It is all about the children and her family. Two weeks ago she said in front of our child that "we are not suitable for one another". My child asked what suitable means. And the wife is right--we are not suitable for one another. I overheard her on the phone last week that she is considering a breast lift. She told me she was going to a dermo but it was a plastic surgery consult. Told her sisters. It is scheduled for next month. At this point I could care less that she never mentioned it. She has always made it clear her body her business. Any opinions? Counseling is not an option that was already tried. I even went to see a Therapist so I could have someone to talk to about how unhappy I am in this marriage.

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